I know its has been a loooooong time, but i wanted to fly solo and trust all the wisdom that God though all of you gave me.

First some realization........Those who choose to fight to become more than what they were before....always acheive a higher understanding and the gift of insight and responsibility.

You inevetably become so much stronger in character and THAT is attractive.

You LEARN to become independent.....You realize that you were ALWAYS a whole person.

Your children...no matter the outcome will realize what you have done one day and respect you all the more for it.

Though not apparent to most of us early on..........We become happier, fuller, more greatful humanbeings.

I thank you all my family, for being the angels that God sent to help me walk through "my valley of the shadow of death"

WW want to try again, fears me bringing up the past, asked me to think if its possible to try again, giving an account for her time , tell me who calls, etc.

But she is also severly depressed, or dont know how to love or "fix" the stich....i just encourage and let it be.

The changes in me have been permanent.

I fear one thing however........i realize that i dont feel love for her.

not like before.

I care for her but not love her.

is this normal?

glad to be back here.

I missed you guys.

I don't know about normal because most people say I am not but what do they know.

Remember the whole love bank concept. Your LB is probably really low right now. In order for you to have that overwhelming sense of love she needs to make some deposits. Probably lots of them.

If she wants to try and you want to try give her an opportunity to make deposits then see how you feel.

I was of the mind I would call it over when I was 100% sure that's what I wanted. Doesn't sound like you are.

I never wanted to regret the D decesion.

Dude - How the he)) have you been?

Not much time right now, but glad to see you back here.

I'll be back later on this thread.

People have been asking about you.

Yep, it's normal.

You've learned that love really ISN'T a feeling, it IS a choice.

And when your W fully realizes the things you've realized, she'll be whole, 2.

And when she makes the choice 2 love you like you deserve, then the feeling will come back 2 both of you.

Things will never be like they were before, but you don't want them 2 be, either.

Do you?

Welcome back. Don't be so scarce.

-ol' 2long

One thing - how can you say recovered and say you care for her, but not love for her? That doesn't sound like recovered.

She still needs to come around and start filling your LBank.

"is this normal?"

It's a start.

How about letting her date you? See if she has commitment worth considering.

"But she is also severely depressed, or don't know how to love or "fix" the stich"

Oh, and IC for her. Part of the commitment.

Where has she been, anyway? Are you under the same roof now?

With prayers,

(((NC!)))

Great to see you...what a pleasant gift to my otherwise stressed-out day.

Thank you for coming back.

You were missed.

LA

Froggie!!!!!

Its GOOD to hear from you! and i agree. D is not my mindset now. I guess its wierd how i am feeling. I take care of her and view her as somewhat of a broken person. Trying to find her way out of the stich created. I could never abandon her.

Hi there,

I can understand you completely about what you feel for your wife..............
We too have been able to "recover" and we've made great steps forwards in our marriage.

No matter how calm and comfortable things now are..........I don't have the same feeling of love for my husband that I once had...............there are times when I just look at him and think to myself: oh gosh.........how were you capable to do the things that you did???? Why were you capable to destroy something that could of been solved in a complete different way..........why did you make the choice that you made???? How were you capable to actually lead a double life????

I know the answers to these questions and yet when I do think these things, I become aware that my husband was never the person I had believed he was. He is a good man and he is a good provider and father.........he's got so many great qualities and yet knowing that he was capable to have an affair, "killed" something deep inside of me.
Maybe it's the "fantasy" I had, that was killed and maybe I am no longer living an illusion, I really don't know.

I'm happy with my life and I'm enjoying the changes in my husband and yet, this experience has definately changed something inside of me for lifetime.................

Maybe, I'm just wierd...............just thinkinn. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

bb

It's SOOO WONDERFUL to hear from you, NC!!

It all sounds pretty normal and expected to me...

Her depression is WITHDRAWAL and may take awhile...

And once that is over and she begins to fill YOUR LOVE BANK..you will FALL IN LOVE with her all over again...

What you have now is the SELF-LOVE and SELF-RESPECT that will help you bide the TIME...

Your a good man and I hope you have a successful recovery with a marriage that will be affair proof from here on out. Maybe it is good that you will get this out of your way early in your marriage.

My H said the same thing about my not being able to get beyond the A....but that only contributed to him not being able to fully allow recovery too...it wasn't until he took responsibility and was completely sensitive to how much damage his A('s) caused us and hurt me that we were able to recover.

He had to be 100% committed to recovery and willing to take the bull by the horns himself before our recovery was real. I don't know if there is a difference when it was the woman who had the A...but I assume taking responsibility for her choice to have an A would be a start.

I'm glad to here all is well. Hopefully, I'll be able to post the same thing in the next few months.

Hi NC, good to see you back and things going along.

Your feelings will be variable, but just as when things are really good, you know there will still be struggles, so when you're having a tough time you know that won't last long, and things will be good again.

So she has done a good job of transparency, then?

Hi NC!!!

We missed you.

(((HUGS)))

~ Marsh

Sorry i had to pop out for the whole day yesterday.

Oh man it is soooooooo good to hear from all of you.

M2L,

How can i say that i missed you incredibly!!!!!!!

My brother, there is alot of catching up to do and i want to respond to all of you .....because truly you made the difference.

M2L,

I hope things are improving in your neck of the woods. I missed alot of whats happening. How the kid(s)?

You have always been there for me and almost like a "3-legged race" we bettled things at the same time.

really missed you buddy

2Long.............to me you are my wise ol' buddy that sorta reminded me of my gramps. Not agewise but in wisdom.

I remember back in september you posted to me about being an individual. I never understood then........but i do now.

Thanks for reminding me that this is all normal.

please dont be so scarce next time.....k?

Aphil,

Yes we under the same roof. funny ....she never left.

I am going to suggest she gets counselling in due time.
Right now she has that edge of....."when is the sword going to drop"....look in her face.

Thanks for the insight though...IC is definitely necessary.

LA!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry to shout so loud......but DAM## ........i missed you and your quips. I really want to be a good H, and your perspective has greatly pushed me there.

I luv you.(((((((((((LA))))))))))))