Reading today, I almost fell off my chair in complete shock. One of most admired posters (and I admire her too), mentioned a name of a person that she would look to for how to Plan A. And although I respect that person also, there is a part of her Plan A that I will never accept. It has to do with not protecting against STD's.

Then I watched as a poster who only has 22 posts was criticized because she doesn't post that often. Her post made a lot of sense to me.

So I've been realizing that the combined effort here is probably the best way to go. If we welcome all sides, and all views, in the end we will have the best knowledge.

Some of the best advice I've had here came from the first poster I mentioned. And some of the best advice has been from former waywards.

I'd just like to encourage newbies (and everyone else) to jump on in. I LOVE different ways of looking at things.

I read EVERYTHING!!!

I am kinda the paranoid person that worried I am doing the wrong thing, and I take every little sign as being bad ones.

So, I have tried my best to get as much info as possible... but sometimes find it all too overwhelming. lol

Ah well.

Missing - Most of us started out like you - afraid to do the wrong thing. The hard part is when one person suggests you do one thing and someone else says something else.

Then .... I was called out by name for being called a "pro" ~by others~ when I am not a pro .... I do not refer to myself as a pro .... and YES, she had 20 posts under her belt at that time .... THAT is a FACT ... not a criticism or a disapproving remark ....

as in ~~~> YOU have 20 posts, I don't even KNOW you but you presume to call me a "pro" ?????????????

I know all too well Believer. I learned that lesson yesterday.

Told I should continue with hone thing, then I was lectured on the fact I was doing that. I was in tears thinking I screwed up.

I just hope I am doing the right thing now. *fingers crossed*

I almost fell off my chair today, too, Believer..

But I was laughing at BUGSY and LG's GOLF JOKES...


There's a little bit of everything HERE...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep - I consider you a PRO too. I can't remember ever disagreeing with your advice - although I'm sure there must have been at least ONE time.

Mimi - I laughed at those too, and there was another funny on the TKO post.

Believer

I HATE being called a pro

really

call me QUEEN of the WORLD instead

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Call me a GODDESS or DIVA..I'll answer to EITHER...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Gotcha Queen of the World, and you too, Diva.

Missing - It gets rather complicated. I don't know if you have seen LilSis's thread or not, but she has had a lot of different opinions. Sometimes, I don't know the right thing to do.

Who to listen to and what advice to follow, that is a real question.

Things I have tried to do when I have received conflicting advice are:

1)Consider the authority of the source of the advice.

Someone who has been here a long time and made the effort to attempt to save their M or, better still, actually did recover or is in recovery gets my vote over someone who has been here a short time or who has wallowed in self deception and allowed an A to continue for years in the name of Plan A.

2)Nothing can beat going to the source of everything on this site.

When confronted with differing opinions, I would seek what Dr Harley has said on the subject. Listening to the radio broadcast can often shed light on some of the nuances of his writing that may be missed. In absence of his stating something directly, looking at his volume of work to see what it is that he says in his books, articles and seeking to understand the basic concepts, first and foremost, is the way I approach those instances.

The advice given by one person can also be compared to that of another, in many cases, and even to advice given to another person. Reading old posts by many who got here before me helped shed light on what I was up against and how to deal with it. I'd mention names, but would be sure to forget someone that helped me without even knowing it because they experienced the same trauma I did, only years before I got here. These are the ones I consider the "pros."

While reading, it is also possible to glean negative information. By that I mean that there are some threads that simply shout "Don't do it like this." In some cases the same advice was given time and again while the person receiving it did the wrong things and came back to give an update that reflected that. Often these people admitted to doing the wrong thing and this too can be gleaned from the text.

For my own benefit, I compare what I have received in the way of advice to a higher authority. I compare it to the Bible and in the case of not understanding it can go to my pastor or other authority on the subject.

Nothing beats actually reading Dr Harley's books, except for calling his radio show and asking him directly. A close second would be talking to Steve and Jennifer or finding a local MC or IC that is familiar with and believes in Dr Harley's methods.

Ultimately, it is up the the person receiving the advice to determine the value of what has been expressed to them by any poster on this site. None of us here are trained professionals, AFAIK.

Mark

believer,

I have personally tried to read LilSis's thread, but I haven't been here a year and just haven't had the time to finish it yet.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Believer,

Hold onto to your chair!

Did I ever tell you that I envision being like you if I was EVER SINGLE...YOU ARE MY SINGLE IDOL...not to be confused with PRO...

you seem SOOOO CONTENT with your life...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mark - Great post!!!

Re LilSis - I mostly keep up, but sometimes don't know the right answer.

Mimi - I AM finally content. But it only came through the grace of God, who spoke to me through the folks that post here. When I first came, I was a real mess.

OH DEAR, shall I get out the smelling salts for ya? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Well, you could.... What are smelling salts?

Agree very much with this. I would also suggest going to a MB seminar weekend. They are awesome! Dr. Harley and his team personally follow up with each couple to guide them through recovery.

Another great resource is Dr. Harley's DVD about the Basic concepts. In it, he gives an out line of his basic concepts so that when you do read his books, it all comes together.

Ammonium carbonate, (NH3)2CO3·H2O, is a colorless-to-white crystalline solid commonly known as smelling salts; in water solution it is sometimes called aromatic spirits of ammonia.

~ Marsh

Pep,
With all due respect, it was not a call out. I used your name and the name of several others that are frequently referred to as "Pro's". It was not intended as any kind of call out but to make a point I was trying to make, and it appears failed at.
You seem to think it's funny that I had 20 posts under my name, not that I owe you or anyone else any kind of explanation for my reasons but I gave you and the rest my reasons. You make it sound like having 20 posts makes me less knowledgable than you, with your however many posts.
You say that it wasn't a disparaging remark, but I think differently. In the end of the day, it really doesn't matter, because you have your beliefs and I have mine.
Have a good day Pep......
Sandi

Sandi - At the end of the day, it DOES matter. I hope you will continue to post. I always appreciate differing opinions. There use to be a joke here that people were "drinking the koolaid".

Mel and Marsh - I've read about smelling salts. But we yankee women (having crossed the country by covered wagon) aren't prone to the "vapors".