Just hush. It bodes well for you. You're coming around, finally. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

He gets other women any time he wants them...by your own admission this has happened marriage after marriage.

This really speaks volumes about YOU and your thinking. I would forget about the marriage, and concentrate on therapy that addresses the issue that you would actually consider sharing him with someone else, as long as you got to keep him. It doesn't say much for your self-worth.

In my opinion he WAS given license to be with other women.
You let him know that it was ok to get sex outside the marriage. Did you tell him that he could only do it if you were watching...or a part of it?

I guess I don't get this whole swinging thing...

Gone are the days when someone said "swinging" and a chandelier was the first image that you had.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

JMHO
committed

One does not have to hear all the gory, sordid details about rape in order to know it is debased, filthy and destructive. That does not lead to recovery. I hope there is no "safe" place where one can go to hear such filth.

Rather, the swingers need a place where they can go to hear stories of HEALTHY, RECOVERED MARRIAGES. That place is HERE. The ones who need to listen here are the swingers and the cheaters, NOT the other way around.

As they used to tell me when I was new in AA, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your MOUTH. Perhaps that would be useful advice for Chachange?

OHHHH, I get it, so ONLY the BS's know what's best?

I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

Post deleted by PrayersNeeded

And ONCE AGAIN... swinging IS cheating... each other out of the intimacy the God intended between a man and a wife.

Until you GET that, understand it, admit it, and TURN AWAY from your belief that swinging is not adultery, you can not expect God to honor your prayers.

Hon, why are you so defensive about everyone speaking the truth to you? If you don't believe us, then spend some time alone with God and ask him to REVEAL the truth to you. Read the word for yourself. You may not like the answer. But until you understand that God does not change... he has said the same thing about marriage since the beginning... I'm afraid you're in for a lot more pain.

Well, here's my take. You might not like it, but its what I think has impacted his way of thinking.

You see, most people agree that a marriage means 'forsaking all others'. But, the swinging agreemant that was brought into the marriage 'bent' that rule.

Bent rules are much more flexible than firm ones.

In HIS OWN MIND...not what he agreed to...he probably figured that there wasn't that much of a step from "being with other women with you" to "being with other women". The issue is that this was a much smaller step than going from "forsaking all others" to "being with other women".

BLUNTLY...swinging IS a big part of the reason you ended up in this mess. It IS cheating...the only difference is, you told him it was ok. Taking it to another instance of cheating was nothing for him to do...ESPECIALLY given his past cheating. It just made it all EVEN MORE simple to do.

THAT is why everyone keeps bringing up the swinging as an issue. I can't spell that out any plainer than that.

And THAT is why you're not going to get the help you need here. Your marriage was damaged by TWO MAJOR issues...his cheating, and the swinging arrangments. And those two issues work together to make things worse, like a double addiction to drugs AND alchohol.

All of that adds up to more need for help than you'll be able to get on an internet forum. Seriously...get a hold of professionals that can assist you with this.

There's nothing left for you to explain here...or defend. It is what it is...now its time for coming up with a game plan to heal...as I said in my previous post.

You met him on the internet when you were both still married to previous spouses

married = not divorced yet

don't shop at the hardware store if you want to buy ice-cream

You were both still MARRIED when you moved in together.

REPEAT: WH never had permission and infact was told numerous times that he was not to look for women or be with women without me. This is why his going out on his own is cheating. It is deceiving and hurtful. I could not understand why he would need to look for other women if I allowed him to be with other women WITH me.

You cannot fix what you don't acknowledge.

Until you do you are going to be spinning your wheels for the rest of your life...with or without a husband.

committed

Post deleted by BHone

Prayers Needed,

I want you to know I did pray for you last night and I intend to include you in my prayers.

Jo

FROM ATLANTA?
and drop the attitude.. your wife is getting good advice here... it just so happens leaving you is good advice.

Ok...

The person that has HURT her MOST in this world is now blasting people for hurting her.

If you weren't doing what you are doing...she wouldn't be here, now would she?

So...STOP what you are doing and all will be well...
as far as she is concerned.

Are YOU up to that task BHone???

Man up...and put your money where your mouth is.


committed

Me thinks Googling Atlanta is quite busy about now.

thomas andy crutchfield is an investigator from Atlanta. I suspect that along with everything else this is made up... no one is going to risk his reputation like that.

somebody is playing games here folks.

What a putz.

Well, I read the whole darn thang...

I agree, I don't believe this is a real si2ation.

But if it is, there's only one "winner" thus far - PN's first H. How blessed, 2 have been set free before the SA stuff really 2k hold.

chachanges: For the life of me, I can't even begin 2 imagine what could possibly be wrong with bashing the snot out of the swinging "lifestyle" on a pro-marriage forum.

BHone: If you're real and this si2ation is real, here are my thoughts: You're not marriage material. 4 marriages does not a husband make. THIS marriage, like your swinging and cheating, is just another pastime, or hobby, for the likes of you.

PN: There is no such thing as a "soul mate".

You need 2 get yourself on a firmer emotional footing, far removed from romantic or physical involvements. Once you've done that, maybe then you can find someone unencumbered by multiple past and current sexual conquests - someone who's also emotionally secure by themselves and able 2 SHARE their secure individuality with yours in a committed, exclusive relationship.

-ol' 2long