Guys: I'm having the hardest time? My H informed me last night that he figured he'd go ahead and go to the Hospital while the OC (his son by OW) was having tubes put in his ears! I didn't get invited - I was just told this. He didn't understand why this upset me. The OW called him earlier in the week and told him the time, place, etc. and asked if he was coming. Can't he see that she wants to keep her foot in the door - where he is concerened? Are men that stupid? Am I that stupid for still sticking around? He told me I was acting too crazy for him to take me anywhere! I told him it hurt my feelings that I was not included that this whole thing would never work if I didn't feel like it was US and then her (over there somewhere). I told him I was NOT going to share my H with her whenver she needed someone to hold her hand! It was a freakin' 15 minute procedure. I asked him who he was going for (because the child is 8 mo. old and wouldn't know if he was there or not) and he said "I'm going for myself"! Well - I know I love busted - but why the *$*&# can't I say how things make me feel? Where do you draw the line? By the way - he set his little alarm clock - got up at 5:30 and went to the hospital. Our D woke up at 6:30 asking for her daddy - and it just made me sick. How can I get through to this man? I've been up since 4:00 with a migraine - throwing up the whole 9 yards.<P>------------------<BR>

Your H has decided to be a part of the OC's life. Sometimes in the case of an OC and former OW, the H's never see or participate other then money wise in their lives. Now your H has a bond with his OC and probably loves it. I don't know what to tell you because you are just going to fight this fight again and again. Your H is obviously not going to let you have any input into how he handles his relationship with the OC and former OW. This isn't fair to you but it's sure looking like what he is doing. Either you just accept his relationship w/the OC and former OW or you leave. You can't just continue to make yourself crazy and sick day after day over it. How is that good for your daughter? I think I read that your daughter knows about the OC? So, if she asked for her Daddy this morning, you could say that the OC is sick and Daddy went to visit him at the hospital. The real problem is that you are jealous of the OC and angry that your H is spending time with a child that isn't the child of your marriage but the child of the OW. And that he has a relationship that he is cutting you out of. That's the feeling you need to deal with so that you can stop making yourself ill.

Been there, done that. Not the sick part that you are experiencing, but the other, from your H.<P>Remember I am your H in many ways. I see where he has been, see where he's at, and see where he's going. Not a pretty sight.<P>It's true the OW is probably using the OC as a means of keeping a hold on your H and your H doesn't even know it. You know what? She may not even know it. It wasn't until I was married several years that we both (OW and I) figured out that she was trying to rekindle a relationship with me.<P>Know how we found out? My W showed me and I showed OW. Pretty wild huh? Sad part was that I didn't have feelings for OW but none the less it eventually became a one night stand. <P>I don't know where to tell you to go Daycare, but I do feel for you. Keep trying, maybe you can get him to see. Keep trying.

Daycare:<P>Telling your husband how you feel isn't a lovebuster (as long as you refrain from disrespect, angry outbursts, and demands).<P>You have apparently made yourself clear about your issues about him visiting the OC and the OW---that you want to be invited, and that he should always check with you. But he's not taking the "extraordinary precautions" that he needs to to regain your trust. <P>And when he says:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"I'm going for myself"! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>he's telling you that he will not agree to the policy of joint agreement.<P>Don't lovebust. But have a discussion (one more) with him about how you want to be treated in this situation. Including going with him (even if he thinks you're going to be crazy). On your end, you need to control your emotions and responses. If he will not agree, I suggest a separation (Plan B) until he can.<P>You won't survive this marriage the way things are going right now.

Hi, Delphi: You're exactly right - it appears that my H is going to do exactly what he wants to do as far as the OW and OC are concerned. Perhaps I'm just overreacting to this one incident - but you're right - I'm jealous of the OW and the OC. He is MY H and WE have a child together and that's the way it was suppossed to be. Now this other thing and I guess I simply either "can't" or "don't" want to deal with it. I honestly think I "could" deal with it if I could be included in all aspects - and how do I get that on my own?<P>Dear Paul: You give me hope in that you are like my H. I believe you're right - He may not really think that OW is wanting a relationship and perhaps neither is She. I guess just like neither one of them "thought" they would become involved in the first place (except I did). I feel that a 13 year relationship can't just desentegrate overnight - but I guess each episode like this keeps pulling me down and down and down. Today really hurt - a lot! I didn't even want to go - I just wanted to be asked. You know, the principal of the thing. Anyway - I feel like my H is also like you in that he will have to "hit rock bottom" before he will ever SEE that he could have done anything to fix things. (Sounds like you've got a little hope this weekend ! I sure hope so)<P>K. Okay, you make me feel better. I was beginning to think that I can't even talk about this situation at all (without that being a lovebuster). I guess I just talk about it too much - but I'm not getting what I need is why "I keep talking". I did lovebust a lot last night and this a.m. I know to my H I appear that I don't love him at all (which I do), but you know, how much hurt can one person stand. He was extremely worried about me today - he knew I was sick and I didn't show up at work and he went up and down the interstate looking for me - worried that something had happened - (I was asleep in my car at work - trying to get rid of my migraine). Oh well - I think you're right - he may be the kind of person that needs to 'see what he could lose' - because he is getting everything he wants right now and I feel like I'm getting nothing. <BR><P>------------------<BR>