hey MEDC, I am most certainly not a sexist, but I did have an issue with it and so did my H. And so might his wife.

If it is an issue, then he needs to address it. I see my H's staying home and becoming dependent as the beginning of the end of our marriage. He no longer felt like a man and I no longer respected him as a man.

Frankly, I don't care if anyone wants to label that as "sexist" or a baloney sandwich, what matters is what makes that marriage works.

Hey Mel. If a man came on here and suggested that he doesn't respect his wife that is staying home (by agreement) to take care of their three kids he would be crucified. The facts and not just feelings need to be considered here. His wife would be a huge be-ach to feel this way after agreeing enthusiastically to the arrangement.

So essentially it's the breakdown of communication. I think then he needs to ask her if his not working is causing her to lose respect for him.

I would add after 8 years of reading here that WAYWARD WIVES have not cornered the market on being "the most evil of creatures, etc.". As the same can be said for WAYWARD HUSBANDS.

Jo

Well... where to continue

I had hoped to have a heart to heart with the wife yeasterday and thiming wasn't right. She went in late to work today so I initiated after DD went to school.

She claims she knew it was coming because I cleaned up the sofa and coffee table yesterday which was why she took the meds and left.

I asked her if she still planned on leaving and if anything had changed for her in the past month. of course this blew up into an entire thing about how I expect magic to happen in one month and that nothing has changed but she won't/can't leave because of the kids (she was hell bent on getting out two months ago)

the affair ended last month and she knows I've been reading and trying to learn how to move forward but she flat out refuses to read anything I have suggested and that she even took the time out to do my "stupid" little quiz (how well do you know your spouse quiz)

as usual the conversation degraded into an arguement which had her literally jumping up the sitting down and jumping back up and sitting down and of course the shouting. It never fails that of course everything is my fault for the things I put her through from '01 thru '05. I tried to explain that was history and asked her if she would ever move forward from that point and ever forgive me to which she replid she didn't think she ever could.

I just told her I wanted her to move out before the end of the year. What made her the most angry is that I never stood up or raised my voice (apparently because of my high horse)


The only thing she says she will do is counselling for me, but I told her we need to go together because that's where the problems are. She says she'll go but I don't know if she will when it come down to it.

Was putting down the gauntlet of her moving out a bad idea??
I'm so at a loss

No, the gauntlet needed to go down, but full blown exposure needs to blindside her also.

She needs to realize that you just might be ENTITLED to HALF of her retirement AND spousal support until you get settled and a LSA stipulate you get support until the divorce os settled and you can drag it out for a year or so.

Hit her financially, if she wants out, it's gonna be at a HUGE cost.

actually I had a much better and more pointiant reply to her

we spoke briefly this afternoon when she called to ask about the kids. I told her that while I still want to work things out I am going to work on improving myself and doing what I can to be a better person overall and that I hope she makes up her mind before I lose interest in trying to make our marriage work at all.

She had no response.



She made some other comments that helped me put two and two together and figure out that it was my contact with the OM that cause him to quit his job and cease thier relationship. I had sent him several ugly and hateful emails during the course of thier EA during which she "strongly requested" that I quit emailing him. I told her I would consider it, but sent him one more anyways and then quit. it was about amonth later (mid July) that I sent him another stating that I would have to accept that I was going to lose her to him and that I hoped he'd take good care of her. [[[he had a previous affair which destroyed another home and family w/ kids of which he didn't get the girl]]] I guess he didn't feel like repeating that past and it was 4 days later that he quit his job and she has only spolen to him one (the following day to see why he quit but he wouldn't say) as evil as it may sound, this new discovery actually made me laugh a little