One last post before I go permanently.

I have read many posts here. Some are amazingly supportive and I applaud those posters. Others are in attack mode and that is not good. People who come here have searched out a forum like this because they are hurting. They don't need to be slapped, too. No doubt they are slapping themselves.

I worked very hard at my 27 year marriage, and sacrificed much. In the end I realized I had sacrificed most of myself, too. And, so, when the opportunity arose I left the marriage. I spent much time alone with my kids on nothing, and I survived. And for the first time in a long time I smiled again.

I see so much of what happened in my M in the postings of continuous. He just was not there ...ever. And he is still not there for the girls. We have just learned to move on.

I used to think everything was black and white, too. But in reality it is not. We are all human. And humans make mistakes. And humans make decisions for the wrong reasons.

I know at the end of my life I must face my Maker and atone for my sins. That day does not scare me. He has seen the sacrifices made in my life for the good of others. And he has seen what has transpired with MM from day one, back when I was 12.

I believe there are two types of laws, Man's Law and God's Law. Man's Law is about papers and ownership. God's Law is about love. Accepting. Helping others, even at your own expense. In Man's Law I was married to one man. In God's Law I was married to another. I have hurt no one and I have endured much pain to help a man who is dying. And dying for protecting our country. And sadly, he did not carry a gun. He carried a Bible.

In some posts I have read here it almost seems as if the Bible is used as a weapon, and I find that incredibly sad. That is not what God wants. We are to help each other. Love one another.

There is another site that I post on, one where I can post freely about the heartbreak of caring for one who is endstage. One where I receive the support needed to face another day when it seems impossible. This journey is not about me. This journey is not about breaking something that is already broken. This journey is about a man who is dying and a woman who is willing to be there so that man does not die alone. The true honest love of two friends.

And if that makes any of you mad, perhaps you need to look inside yourselves and ask if you would be willing to step in my shoes and help someone when there is absolutely no reward for you at the end of journey.

That, to me, is the definition of a true Christian.

And with that I shall leave you all. May you all find true happiness and love.

Flood City

"There is another site that I post on, one where I can post freely about the heartbreak of caring for one who is endstage. One where I receive the support needed to face another day when it seems impossible. This journey is not about me. This journey is not about breaking something that is already broken. This journey is about a man who is dying and a woman who is willing to be there so that man does not die alone. The true honest love of two friends.

And if that makes any of you mad, perhaps you need to look inside yourselves and ask if you would be willing to step in my shoes and help someone when there is absolutely no reward for you at the end of journey."

As someone who cared for her dying parents, when there was abosolutely no reward to me at the end of the journey, except the incredible loss of my parents---

you are so full of chit it makes my stomach hurl.

Carry on wayward girl, and keep talking about God's laws. Maybe in the end, you'll convince someone. But not me.

By the way, does this MM who is dying, have children?

My dad, was a war veteran, and suffered like all the Vietnam veterans from the affects of Agent Orange. But let me tell you what, had you come near my father after my mother died...well it wouldn't have been pretty.

Give this man back to the woman he is married to and the children they have bore together.

Flood City,

As much as you want us to believe so, your sitiuation is not special or unique in any way. Its the same typical predictable sad adulterous story. Repeated here thousands upon thousands of times over the 8+ years I've been reading here.

And it will have the same typical predictable devistating results to ALL those involved, unfortunately. Only because the two participating in the selfish adultery INSIST in believing they're SPECIAL and above any moral code. A "We were meant to Be" mentality.

Its very sad that you have placed YOUR needs and FEELINGS above that of marriage and family. Very sad indeed.

God Bless,
Jo

There is no HONESTY in adultery. Its preverse to claim so. By defnition adultery is at its core a "DISHONEST" act.

Prayers for you.
Jo

49% divorce rate
80% started by women

Those stats and posts like this is why, if my wife breaks her WORD, I will never, ever trust getting married again.

Forever, thick and thin, for better or worse.....those were just words. This whole marriage thing is one big card trick.

Read those stats again. Read this post again. We agrue that marriage is the very foundation of society and can't be available for same sex marriage. Oh really? . Our FAIRY TALE of marriage is what is so special in our mind. Blame whatever social programs, or societal progress (or regress) you wish. What we have today IS NOT that special anymore. It stopped being special when SACRIFICE became a dirty word.

I used to say I would always vote against gay marriage if given the opportunity. I don't say that anymore. Our vows contain NO LINES about what we expect to RECEIVE, just nice sounding "promises" of what we expect to GIVE. Its all words, really, words and pomp and circumstances. Another way of trying to present an IMAGE to society. But the very soul is gone. Its just not that special anymore.

And if your involved with someone who you have treated miserably and they are still around, trying, fighting, and ultimately improving ....................hold them tight, drop down on your knees, and thank God and THEM, because you have the last of a dying breed. ANd I envy you.

FloodCity -

ALL adulterers falsely believe their adultery to be 'special'.

It's not.

Also, adulterers lie.
I don't believe what you claim to be true about the BS's.
Adulterers typically pretend that the marriages they're destroying were already 'dead', that the BS's are horrible, that the BS's won't let the adulterers get a divorce...

blah-blah-blah

You don't really believe we are so naive as to believe you do you? Most of us here have heard the same sort of lies from our own WS's. Your story is nothing new...

Gabagool, no it isn't. Marriage and family are the truth we can hang our hats on.

Family is the one most important endeavor we can ever engage in.

There is NOTHING more important than family. It is not a card trick.

In relationship, whether it be marital, family or in service...is where we will find eternity.

And you can take that to the bank.

Gabagool, hang on. You'll find peace again. Just keep on being a family guy. You are needed there.

Not only a sickening train of thought, but blasphemous as well. Don't drag God into your dirty adulterous delusions.

And what, pray tell, might this sacrifice for the good of others be?

Fascinating ....the manner in which Denial of personal Responsibility of one's own culpability manifests itself.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions...

You are so full of it. This is Marriage Builders. Not a place to put fourth what in your eyes you find is right by being M to one yet loving another.

If the OM loves you so much why wont he D his current W to be with you since shes only in it for money??? He proves it then he D's her. Oh I dont support you one bit.

Mans laws and Gods laws pfft. You dont abide by either of them. Many have sought out G-d to help heal themselves and there loved ones.And have faith that he will do right for them.

As for Cont post ... withdrawal is a hard process to go thru for some more so then others.

You are now D. Yet you continue to be in an A with OM who is M and they need to work out there issues. If you and him were meant to be then you two would have prevailed LONG before you both M another person.

So it just happens without any effort?

****edit****

Wow ...

There are no children in this marriage. If there were I would place the needs of the children ahead even of a dying man.

There is no divorce or moving out because he is dying. What would it prove? More bickering over money until he is dead? He will be long gone before the 2 years is over anyway.

She is married to him, the stuff is hers. I neither want nor need any of it. Stuff to her is important. Stuff is not important to me.

I am only here to help him during his last days. She won't. She is far too busy with her family, church, bowling, work, anything you can list to keep her away from helping him. If she wanted or loved him I would walk away. She has told me she does not want him, she only wants the money.

There is no reward at the end of this journey for me. I am not looking for one. I am merely easing the suffering of a dying man. One who I have cared about for most of my life. And I guess in many eyes here that makes me a bad person. Then so be it.

Wow...You'd think you would be the most concerned with this man's eternal soul as he knocks at death's door...

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death. Revelation 21:8

God is very clear on adultery/sexual immorality...There is no wiggle room Flood City...

Mrs. W

Thanks for keeping it real, Mrs. W.

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, .....

Jesus is also clear - Everyone is accepted and welcome. Grace is grace! All will be judged according to their acts but the kingdom of God is open to EVERY one of us as we are ALL sinners.

Adultery is adultery. Regardless if someone is dying, there is still no justification for participating in adultery.

If one is looking for Sainthood, I would think there are hundreds if not thousands of causes in this world a person can volunteer where they don't have to participate in adultery to help their fellow human being(s).

There's a saying I'm quite fond of when I hear an adulteror try and justify their adulterous actions:

You can polish a turd until your arms fall off, but at the end of the day ITS STILL A TURD.

I think this thread is a posterchild post (if I could make up such a thing right now) of what resentment will get you in life...

it will get you wayward.

Dr. Harley's rule of NOT sacrificing is the way to affair-proof your marriage; fall in love with your spouse, again and again, and not create a fog in your mind, to mislead you so far from your soul.

Gimble's quote...if you want to affair-proof your marriage, memorize it and pass it on:

"An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect."

Sacrifice creates resentment--we create, build and maintain it within ourselves...no one ASKED us to sacrifice--we weren't honest and said, "I'm giving up this so you can be happy; and if I don't get the exact response I want, I'll resent you"--so the others we sacrificed for didn't have the opportunity to say, "No way! Don't do it...whatever it is, I hurt from your resentment the most...no convenience or pain...and sacrifice does NOT make me feel loved...makes me feel bought, controlled and lied to."

Radical honesty prohibts sacrifice. See where this takes you? You become that which you abhorred before...and you can't even see it. Everything becomes upside down, entitlement, deserving, a comparison...and the destruction continues on and on--and the resentment blocks the reality view completely.

Equality and mutuality, radical honesty, follow the four rules of marriage, and make a boundary around yourself to not do that which you will resent...so you can have a marriage experienced in freedom, respect and two people who thrive.

God make us with inherent choice...we choose, not sacrifice, to have a relationship with him...those he calls to serve him only don't consider what they leave behind a sacrifice. It's a joy.

LA

I would argue that those truly walking with Christ, especially those who have a terminal illness, would be laying themselves prostrate before the Lord REPENTING MoDaisy...Jesus preached REPENTANCE...

"From that time on Jesus began to preach, Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." Matthew 4:17

Jesus also said, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15

Jesus did not ever add to that "unless it's inconvenient for you"...

Walking with or being in Christ means that you WANT to obey His commands because you love Him with all of your heart and mind.

Mrs. W