I feel like since you started at *your new job (started in late march) you have completely checked out of our marriage. Let me see if I can explain:

May 3 was the ******* show, you knew how excited about that I was. We invited your parents down and everyone we knew. Hardly anyone showed up for the show, I was extremely disappointed. You had to leave early, really early, to go back to work which totally sucked but I could have delt with that. Do you realize that night instead of coming home where I was waiting to tell you about the show and dinner with your parents and everything that had gone on that day (a day you were supposed to be with me but had to go back to work instead) you sent me a text message that said "having a beer. be home late. love you." That's it, nothing else. I tried to call you, you ignored my calls. You stayed out until the bars closed that night and didn't even call on your way home. I went to clean **a job I do every morning but can be done after 2 am** that night because I was so upset I couldn't sleep. You didn't even call me when you got home and I wasn't there. Didn't it even matter to you where I was? Interestingly enough you told me that night that you'd gone out with a whole group of people including several guys from the band and the dj for the party that night as well as some of the girls from work. Recently you told me that the group only included **Suspected OW**, **female co-worker** and another girl. So who was really there? You had no interest in talking to me that night about anything nor did you come to bed, you fell asleep on the couch and went to work the next day...and closed.

Not very long after (may 14th) that the text messages and calls to **Suspected OW** started (at all hours of the day and night). You'd never texted or called her before that so what changed? You deleted every text message she sent you except a couple. You sent her a picture message along with a ton of other messages that day....from home...then you went back to work? She sent you one that said something about having fun golfing with your dad, you called her after you were done golfing and talked to her for quite a while....then called me and only talked to me for a couple minutes. The only text messages of hers that you ever saved were after I freaked out about it. They talked about "hanging out" and her "taking care of your stress" always with a wink at the end. You were calling her multiple times a day...and at night, before calling me.

You told me that you stayed at work to avoid coming home (because we were having problems)....how many nights did you stay and talk to **Suspected OW** instead of coming home to me?

After that night of going out to the bar with the girls you started falling asleep on the couch almost every night. I feel like you were avoiding coming to bed with me for some reason and you were pushing me away every chance you got.

After that last round of text messages with her that we had a big fight about you haven't texted her once....and the only calls to her have been in front of me. So what was so important that you were texting and calling so much that it could quit so easily?

What would you have thought in this situation if it were me doing all these things?

Somewhere in there you told me that you felt like we were only room mates sometimes. You said some other stuff to that I don't remember too well because that phrase hurt so much. I think you are right though, it does feel like we are only room mates around here tiptoeing around each other trying not to set each other off. I feel like I cant talk to you anymore about anything because if I do you will either get pissed or totally shut down and refuse to talk to me. I know I don't always approach things in the right way, I tend to just react.

I also feel like when we actually talk about things, like we did the sunday we went shopping, you seem to have no interest in the conversation. At least no interest in maintaining your part of the conversation. You listened to me tell you about the things I wanted from you but had no input to them....then I felt you really hadn't thought about the things you had to say to me. It felt like I was pulling teeth to get you to talk to me.

When we were at the men's cloths place you really hurt me when you told me not to "rape" you while you were sitting on that chair...loud enough for everyone to hear. It felt like you didn't want me touching you in public, there was no sexual interest there....just panic that someone might see us. Then not 30 minutes later you told **Suspected OW** you were talking to "someone else" instead of talking to your wife. Can't you see how that would hurt? It felt like you were trying to distance yourself from me to her on the phone after pushing me away when I tried to come on to you. You called it using the wrong pronoun.....to me it was you pushing me away again and distancing yourself from me even though I was standing right there.

OW: Are u sure its ok if *** takes my shift? I don't want to upset you
H: I don't care as long as someone is here
OW: okay…have a good day
H: whatever
OW: Are you mad at me?
H: Why would I be mad at you…youre the one who doesn’t ever want to come work…or hang out
OW: I do want 2 hang out…
H: whatever
OW: Its been over a week…u think I don't want to "hang out"
H: whatever
OW: okay…I really don't know if u are in a mood or if you are joking?
H: kind of
OW: kind of in a mood or kind of joking
H: yes
OW: both…ok…and u are the one who dosen't want 2 hang out…u leave early every day
H: Because I can…see you soon…or not
OW: ????
OW: Not going to play games…if u are mad I am sorry I needed 2 get some stuff done…call me later if you want
H: not mad…just not doin to good
OW: u miss me…
OW: was joking…u need to relax…u know I could help you w/that…;)

He seems to totally be not interested in working on our marriage for more then a couple days at a time.

I would seriously consider getting a PI.

I also would suggest you stop with the mini-confrontations with each piece of info you find. It just makes him hide things better.

Confront when you have something overwhelming because he is going to deny everything short of photographs and even then will probably deny.

From everything you said here it looks pretty conclusive that it is sexual adultery.

How long have you been married? Do you have kids? Is the OW married?

To the best of my knowledge the OW is going through a divorce because of all things....her husband cheated on her.

unfortunately I just don't think I have the money for that....how much would it cost?

I really wanted to believe him when he said "I'm not that guy."

Well, sounds like he is cheating. You can put a GFI in his car and see where he is spending his time after work. It will send his route to your computer in real time.

Also you could put a recorder in his car to see if you can see who he is talking to and what he is saying.

You can buy a kit on the internet to test for semen.

And when you get proof, I would contact the OW's husband. He may not have cheated on her - it may be HER cheating on him.

whats a GFI?

I was wondering about that. I did purchase one today...not the update over the internet kind, but the kind I can dl movement after the fact. Should be here in a couple days.

[quote]I don't know the cost of PIs unfortunatly. Hopefully others can chime in. I know they have usually worked very well and quickly.

Do you have anyone else who may be able to watch WH one night?

Do they work at a restaurant?

Sheesh, I've been at work to long, I meant GPS. I like the real time one better, but yours will do. Just wqatch where he goes, and see if there are any motels nearby. Unless he goes to her home.

My ex and OW had one motel they frequented.

The semen detector costs about $50. and will detect semen on about 5 articles of clothing. It will detect it even after several years. Ewwwwwwww, I know, distasteful. But then if you find it what is he going to say - that he masterbated at work? Especially if you detect it several times.

Be very careful. Start your Plan A, and stop accusing him. He will just get more cagey.

Fin ~ does he use a computer at all for his job? If so then you may want to get a Key Logger.

Is the phone work issued or personal? If it's personal can you get the call records? I know that Verizon has them on the website. Once you set up an online account you can get the last 12 months of calls.

Have you checked credit card statements and bank statements for ATM withdrawals?

They like to give each other little cards, notes, pictures and things. Does he carry a briefcase?

Well, they come up with all kinds of excusees. He could say he was pleasuring himself - but at work? YUCK.

Since he showers at home, it sounds like they might be doing it at work.

Have you read all about Plan A here? That is the starting point -showing him what a wonderful wife you can be, working on anything he complained about in the past.

Also if you have the OW's name, do some checking on intelius or white pages. See if you can get her hubbies name and her address.

You need to have a foolproof case before you confront him.