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Joined: Apr 2006
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After a long 2 yrs of fake progress, Ive decided that my marraige is never going to be what it should be.
Married 8 yrs, 3 children 9/7/3, and I want a separation.
Im looking for advice on how to approach this (wife doesnt know),
to this point i have talke dwith a lawyer, im am financially protected. Custoday however is iffy.
If we separate, I assume she will want to move 10 hours away to live near her mom in another province, and she will want to take the kids.
I on the other hand, will stay and want atleast 50% custody.
any advice helpful, if you need mroe info just ask.
seveeral posts of mine in the infidelity - general questions forum
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BH(me) 32
WW 31
Dday - EA/email fling june 2006
NC letter June 06
Dday 2-3-4 july-Nov 06
Dday 5 oct 08
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896
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Langaan,
I think you said your wife has a gambling addiction, and is bipolar. You should ask for 100% custody until she addresses those two issues. That should sound very reasonable to the courts and it will set you up in a good position.
It is a little bit slimy but I can tell you that once you have 100% custody for a period of time, then it will be very very difficult for her to get even 50% custody. I currently have 100% custody, while xW has a fantasy european vacation, she did not even contest the fact that she has no right to visit the children at all. My lawyer says that as more time passes it will become nearly impossible for her to get any custody at all without my approval.
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 376
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There's one problem that comes to mind with me having 100% custody.. and that is that my job requires me to be away for 3-5 days at a time, approx. every 5-6 weeks.
I do not have family here that can help out.
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BH(me) 32
WW 31
Dday - EA/email fling june 2006
NC letter June 06
Dday 2-3-4 july-Nov 06
Dday 5 oct 08
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 896
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Langaan,
I had to make some changes to transition to single father, fortunately I do have family close by. Perhaps you could arrange to have a family member visit for the next couple of trips, or even postpone some trips for the next 6 months.
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 376
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 376 |
My mother could do that, infact she has told me in the past that if it came down to it she would move here to help out.
My wife however will question her capacity to care for our children.
My mother is also bipolar, among a few other problems.
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BH(me) 32
WW 31
Dday - EA/email fling june 2006
NC letter June 06
Dday 2-3-4 july-Nov 06
Dday 5 oct 08
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
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I'm thinking your children are worth changing jobs!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
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Employers will also sometimes make allowances for those who they value. Case in point: my company NEVER allows telecommuting for the sales staff. However, when the top guy had to move to California so that he could be with his wife as she had their first child (and she was unwilling to move), rather than lose him, they allowed the telecommuting.
Now if I could only think of a reason - but first I have to be really valuable to the company...
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Joined: May 2007
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I don't know your sitch at all, but try to imagine what life will be like for your kids if you live 10 hours apart in different provinces and you somehow have 50% custody. It just isn't going to work as these kids can't exactly do half their schooling in one place and half at another. For 50/50 custody to work, both parents need to live in the same city.
If your living arrangements are going to be so that you live 10 hours apart, the best case scenario (for your kids) is every second weekend with the non-custodial parent, or summer vacation, Christmas and March break with the non-custodial parent and the rest of the year with the custodial parent (I know one family that does this).
Honestly, do you really expect your kids to make a 10 hour trek once or twice a week?
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Posts: 376
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Honestly, do you really expect your kids to make a 10 hour trek once or twice a week? Absolutely not. I am in no way suggesting I would want that for our children. What I guess I am saying though is that if she intends to move 10 hours away to live near her mother, she is going ot have to make that move alone. I assure you, 50:50 custody living in different cities is something I wouldn't let happen.
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BH(me) 32
WW 31
Dday - EA/email fling june 2006
NC letter June 06
Dday 2-3-4 july-Nov 06
Dday 5 oct 08
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