I have a MUCH better relationship w/ my DS than at any time in his 16 year life. It was all because of the A, and all the fallout behind it. My DD's are not doing as well since the D and I'm no longer at the house, but I do spend a lot of quality time w/ them. I actually have a much better life after D, except for lost time w/ my kids. Again, I know it may sound crazy, but for BHs I just feel like its better to take control and go STRAIGHT TO PLAN D. Even if she calls your bluff and you are officially divorced, that does not preclude a reconciliation down the road. I just feel like taking control of the situation is what some WW want. They need their A handed to them to gain respect again for the BH. I'd tell her plan D works for me and WALK. Her kids will despise her forever. Goodbye to her Soul!!

-Just my thoughts.
Dude

As a BW, I wish I, too, had been more forceful right after discovery. But I was blindsided and in shock and it took all my strenghth to just live -- to just function -- like a real person.

Now, 13 months later, and with HIM filing 3 weeks ago....I wish I had just been downright mean and unforgiving at the beginning. I wish I had gone beserk and kicked his a$$ out and NEVER showed weakness. I had even read "Love Must Be Tough" and still I couldn't get into the frame of mind to handle the situation properly.

WH was more sensible back then. He was more himself at the begining. But the more time he spent traveling and living with OW, and the more time she got into his head, the more he changed into the a-hole of today who I do not know. In fact, no one knows besides OW.

And today -- 46 days since he walked out -- he has not seen his kids.

So if you can do it early on, DO IT. It's better than the slow leak I experienced.

Well....not sure that I'm asking questions....

I have an appointment with my A today. Yesterday we talked and he asked me a question...."what is it that YOU want to do?"

I honestly don't have a clue.

Hi Kick,

Just checking in on you to see how and what you decided to do.

Hope you are doing ok.

Confession Time.....

Years ago, I was very active in church and I lived my life serving God. I was ordained and walked the walk and talked the talk.

Our church divided and hurt feelings ensued. Changed Pastors, ended up with worse problems, etc.

One day, I simply had enough. I felt that if this really is how christians live....I don't want to be part of this.

Fast forward...met my WW and we soon embarked on what to this day I believe was MY soulmate.....BUT.....we never went to church, I read my bible daily (hiding in the bathroom), we never prayed together even at meals. Just never was the spiritial leader of my wife and my home.

Well, I have stated that I have peace finally. I have peace because I realized through seeking God that I was unequally yoked with my WW. I was a great husband, but a poor servant of God. She simply did not want to "walk the walk".

God does not want people to divorce. What He does want is for His children to be obedient.

My WW does not want me anymore. She has made a choice to end our M. She will have to face her judge one day.

As for me, I have surrendered completely to God. I WANT to serve the Lord. In many ways He has shown me how to love my children like He loves us. On evening, my DS12 and I were praying and DS asked a few questions and at that moment I KNEW that he wanted to accept the Lord!! God gave my the ability to give my son the best gift a dad could ever give his children. I was very proud and at the same moment, I was ashamed that I was so caught up in the worldly life...that I never recognized my duty to my family. I will never make that mistake again.

So Queenie, thats my long story short. I am very hurt by my WW actions and I will never fully understand the "why's", however, I am at peace. I will not fight the divorce. I have only one intrest at this time....to protect and ensure that my son has the best life possible. I feel that he needs to witness a dad that loves unconditionally both he and God.

I am at peace.

And you are under G=ds wings and that is the safest, most loving place to be.

Out of the ashes of destruction, G-d can turn it into good. We don't know the plans, but we do know he has them.

I'm so honored to know you and walk with you on your journey.

Amen.

Pray that God strengthens your wife.

Well kinda funny update...

My A gave our response today answering my WAW's complaints in her dissolution of marriage action.

We have asked for primary custodial responsibility of DS12, temporary and permanant support.

Funny part....today is WAW birthday.....happy birthday honey!

Good for you!

Hi Kickme,

Been thinking of you and Greatwhitenorth. The ministry is under attack.

I hope you get primary and that it will change WW heart.

I am curious what you meant when when you said you were weak. I know my WH is going to file for divore soon so he can continue his life with the OW. I feel like my hands are tied because we really only have a house to divide. The WH has taken my entire life and thrown it away. I don't know if I have the right to have the right to just walk into my house (my name is on it) and just take what I want. I am thankful that we did not have children together but he has hurt my adult children.
I want to be strong, not cruel, but strong. How can one do that when the emotions take over?
I wonder if the WH is worth taking back since this is his third offense.
I guess once the D papers are ready, I should and will just sign.
I still can't believe it..happily married in December..out on my own mid January to my house selling mid February and them looking for a house.

Imagine,
Thanks for keeping me and my family in your prayers....as a matter of fact...thanks to all for the same.

You bring up a good point that I have been thinking about for quite some time now. Yes, each individual that has a personal testimony proclaiming God....is under attack. This holds true today just like it did from the beginning of time.

How to deal with it?

Using MB principals as a reference....you have to know your boundaries in your life. Realizing that you are under constant attack is nothing new in a Believer's life. How you deal with it is a completely different story.

For me, it's recognizing my boundaries and triggers. You KNOW when you are being tested. So, I try to avoid the "triggers" or boundaries that would make me vunerable to the attack. Really, no different than what we are learning here.

Everyday, (and I am extremely thankful) I accept my responsibility to minister to others. I am a plain spoken person and God has given me a gift to talk plainly to others. My phone never stops ringing. My office door is always open. Strangers seem to appear in my life and I know why they are here. The world is hurting and people are struggling to find answers to their problems. I listen and then gently offer what advice God puts in my heart at that moment.

Yes, I am walking through the roughest part of my life to date. People ask me all the time...where do you get the strength to endure this? Well, whatta ya think I say???

As a people, and specifically as a BS, we all have issues. The best advice I can give others, and me, is to be pro-active in your situation instead of reactive. Establish your plan(s) and stick with them. If you are a believer, give the situation to God and let His will be done. You will find peace. Look at Queenies thread...she is a living, breathing, example of everything I am talking about. She has had an amazing journey and God has been ALLOWED to do His will in her life. Is she under constant attack? Right at this moment she is.....it is how we choose to deal with it that counts.

Sorry to be on the soapbox.....my WW left me for another man. She has destroyed our family and thinks that she is justified in her actions. But yet, I AM AT PEACE....why? because I have a calling and BEFORE I can embark of my journey completely under God's will....I have to accept that God is in control of my life.

Hope this will help someone!

Kickme was you wife a Christian? Before I ask more questions,

Imagine,

You deserve a simple answer....however, allow me to eloborate a little.

No...she is not. In my walk my WAW was not interested in church. I was unconfortable praying around her. She did at times pray with me, but it was very rare.

Looking back now....(I hate that phrase) my M was doomed from the start because I had weak boundaries as well. You see, I KNEW how WE should be living, but I allowed a believer that has never been saved to control my life instead of allowing God to control my life. I have admitted that I was not the spirital leader of my family. I should have listened to God and brought my family to God.

The wonderful thing about living in Gods will is that He will allow us to make choices in our lives. We all make good and bad ones. What you learn from you poor choices is up to the person.
For me, I made the choice to learn from this and surrender completely to God.

I understand, no need to explain (BTDT)

Thanks....I am trying!!

Been a while since I updated.

Met with my A and we have counter sued for custody.

DS and I are having a great time. He has re-engaged at school and seems to be doing much better!

He continues to show frustration when OM is around.

We both had a big day this past Sunday. We both joined our Church. He also has agreed to play the base guitar for the youth meetings on Wednesday night services. Seems to be really excited about that. (guess the 3 years of guitar is paying off)

I love to sing and I joined the chior last week and oh boy was I blessed! I know, men should not cry or weep, but can't help weeping when I sit back and watch how much God has changed our lives! Yes, I am a strong man...so no sissy jokes...k?

I have been so dark, I cant even see myself sometimes. At this point, I do not think my WAW even thinks about anything but herself and OM....oh well, I'm sure they will make each other very happy....for a very short period of time. ha ha!

That's about all. God is good and I AM AT PEACE!!

God will continue to bless you and your DS throughout this, KM.

I really connect with your spiritual presence here.

Well, been a while since I posted....The D process continues, I still am at peace.

However, been 2 months completely dark and last week WAW left a VM that she wanted to talk. Signs of cracks in the A I guess. We talked for awhile and later she texed thanking me for talking to her.

I know this is MB and we all want to R our M. But I can't, don't want to, had enough.
I have faith enough to forgive and forget, but I will never, ever again trust her. Simply will not live like that.
DS and I are just fine....we are loving life!!

You are correct not to read too much in her contact. Interesting that she needed to grab some EN from you after being dark.

A little 'kickme' pick me up to carry her for a bit.