I've posted on other sites putting forth the idea that infidelity is just about the worst traum one can go threough and often have it po-ppoed.
I was sexually assaulted as a kid. My disabled son was close to death several times(so I do not really know that loss).
But, I agree with Harely that it is the worst thing I have ever been through.
But, many folks who have not been through this feel I am exaggerating. I am amazrd at how callous and casula people are aboout the extent of the trauma.
Do you think it is the worst thing you have been through?

For sure. I have had grandparents die, financial issues the last two years, friends that stabbed me in the back, but not anything is as close to being cheated on. It rips yours heart out and steals the innocence forever. It's been one full year and still hurts. I've been told by friends that when I sleep, I moan very load. I believe it's because I am having nighrmares of what happened. Prople that have never been through it think you should just get over it and move on. But it takes a lot of time and effort. Best wishes to you.

Definitely the worse thing that has happened to me ever - including death of father as a child, daughter with a life-long birth defect, etc.

Also the worst thing that has ever happened to the kids - even the child with the birth defect feels her father's A is worse.

I totally agree.

My parents SUV got stuck in a 50 knot wind and blinding snowstorm out west in their driveway. My dad got out to try to make it to the house to get another vehicle to come rescue her. After he was gone for half an hour, worried for him, she left the car, got disoriented, walked 100 yards the wrong way and fell and froze to death against a fence.

To my horror, i barely grieved at the time while everyone else was devastated beyond words.

It is all-consuming, beyond the grief of the death of a family member.

I place it right up there with the death of my son. It changed my life forever.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, and anxiety/panic attacks. I would have to say the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But unless you experience it first hand it is hard for ohers to understand its totally destructive power.

I would think that the reason is that (1) the other things are typically not by choice, they just happen to you (you know what I mean), but this occurs by a person willingly going into it who should know it will devastate people; and (2) it's happening by the one person in the world to whom you have let yourself be vulnerable.

My bio-father committed suicide when I was in 6th grade. I was one of the last people he saw and I KNEW he was going to try to harm himself...and I told him not to and he promised he wouldn't.

What the Wookie did was just as bad, if not worse than my father turning his back on us like we weren't good enough to be there for.

Most of my life has been really good. I have been very blessed. The affair crushed me. I had physical as well as emotional pain the first month. My whole body ached all the time. I cried uncontrollably most days. I remember wishing that I would die so as not to feel the pain anymore. It was more painful than I ever imagined it would be.

Having lost both parents, had a daughter who tried to kill herself several times, had a friend that died after being struck by a race car that left the track about 6 feet from where I stood and a bacterial infection that was well on its way to taking my own life before anyone could figure out what it was, I can tell you that adultery is by far the worst thing that ever happened to me personally.

Yes

Lost my Brother when I was a teen.
Lost my father about a month ago.

The affair is worse.

I have to agree that it was the worst thing that has happened to me and I've have a really nasty childhood. D-day triggered my PTSD and I lost like 30 pounds from it. When you are 4"11 there's not a lot of weight you can lose before you start looking like you have a eating disorder. Just like Babyonboard, I had the depression and axienty to go along with it...couldn't concentrated to save my life...had to accidents in the month following...to say that I was a complete mess was an understatement but people who ahve not lived it will not understand...

It was a beating. I'm really good at shaking things off. My dad died when I was a youth and I rolled right passed it. This was a beating that I knew it would be when it was confessed. The only way I alleviated it, was going RA. I know people on here say due to the destruction felt, they could never do it someone back. I did. It did alleviate the pain as the abuser got the same medicine.(like a rapist being immediately turned around and raped themselves) The guilt and shame for doing it is the burden I bare now. The pain is manageable.

My H didn't even PA, it was EA, and YEP more painful than anything.

I was raped as a child... My own kiddo was in the NICU for 8 days, and the first 3 were very tough and go, but it was only 8 days... I grew up abused (18 years, mind you, of hell), and ultimately was told that they never loved me (my own parents told me they wished they had aborted me or that I would spontaneously drop dead)... I have had 6 miscarriages... and this EA/MLC thing was the most horrific thing ever to experience.

It just really makes me angry when folks that have not been through this, or are cheaters themselves, try to make you feel as if you are weak and that if it happened to them, they would handle it better.
Some of these folks have known very little hardship, yet they claim it would not affect them. I sometimes wish it would happen to them, so they could see what it is like.
One of my sisters gets annoyed with me for having let it affect me so much(the others are supportive). I was always the strong, big brother, the athlete and high achiever. She gets pissed that I am showing weakness. She has no idea what this is like.

I hate the "can't you just get over it?" stuff.

Zelmo, it appears that this sitch with your sister is really a matter of her no being able to deal with your pain and a defense mechanicism on her part. She can't see you as being human becasue you have always been the strong one in her eyes. This is about her and not you as you have already concluded.

Would you really want anyone to experience the pain assocaited with infidelity? I can understand the desires, really I can...I'm certianly not 2X4ing you for it, been there myself...

Have you expressed that to her? Personally, I would go off on her and let her know just how human I am. LOL...probably saying something like one of these days you are going to want to me understnad your pain and I'll be in your shoes getting annoyed with you!

Of course, it's one of those things you have to decide "How important is it for her to understand?"

I'm sorry that you are having that trouble!

Strivin, no, actually, I would not wish this on anyone else. Ithink people that heve not been through it have just been so desensitized by the way the media portays the extent of the trauma.
You are corrct. My sister is very uncomfortable with seeing her big brother has vulnerabilities like any human. I love her, but she has had a hard life and I have been the rock for her. It is too bad she cannot do the same for me, but my brothers and other sisters have been great. I got a ton of support from my XW's family, as well, So much so that the OM started scratching his head at the fact that after hearing my demonization he could not reconcile that with the way my in- laws love me as do my kids.

Go figure your not a three headed monster after all

I am very glad that you have the support you need from other people in your life!

What! YOU'RE NOT A three headed monster! Go FIGURE!!! LMAO

I turned into the demon with my inlaws! CRAZY WS!