**edit**

Many, many thanks to all of you here for the continued support and encouragement! Special thanks to the likes of Mel, Rev, JL, Zen, FogFree, Stillstanding...my God the list goes on and on. And I sincerely apologize to those I'm leaving out.

D papers served last night. Niagra falls from STBxWW. LG was cool as a cucumber. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. At least that's what my attorney and anyone who knows the whole situation is saying. Even her BFF / neighbor looks me in the eye in disbelief. Three Dday's? Three OMs?

Last night was both liberating and scary. It was liberating as the weight of my keeping this secret from family and friends has been lifted from my shoulders. Today my family finds out the whole truth! The entire story. No more hiding things to protect my STBxWW.

But I'm also feeling scared. Snooping revealed she's looking for attorney phone numbers and her co-workers spent night by her side. Including her partner who I'm sure is worried I'm going to take the practice for everything it's got. I'm sure they are gassing up the warplanes as we speak.

I keep remembering I'm doing the right thing here. I have nothing to hide. I did nothing wrong, except maybe try TOO hard for TOO long. But no regrets. I'm a better person coming out of 5 long months of Plan A and pseudo-recovery.

The kiddos are still upset and asking if we are going to get a divorce. I continue to be honest with them saying that D could happen. I would really like the STBxWW to be here when I tell them. WE should tell them. But she couldn't even look them in eye when she left after DDay#3. And couldn't look me in eye on Friday. It's going to be long and hard.

That's it for now. More as it develops. I'm planning out my exposure list as I type. "And the truth will set you free!"

So OM#3 is a doc. I have proof that he and STBxWW are/were messing around. HOwever, attorney says don't expose to OMs wife...could jeapordize my wife's job.

So I got this evil plan in my head...

Schedule an appointment to see Dr. OM#3 either under false name or with my middle name.

And when he walks in to the room, shake his hand firmly, holding on to it and say, "My real name is ____, I'm STBxWW's HUSBAND!"

And then watch him crap his drawers! I've gone over that scene a hundred times in my mind. That would be fun to see his face.

Could I get in trouble with the law? Man, that would be the ultimate confrontation.

LG, I have no advice for you since I can hardly see past my own next hour right now but I did want to say that your situation makes me so sad. I am glad that you are doing what you are doing. After so long and working so hard you deserve some peace and someone eventually who will appreciate you for who you are.

((((hugs)))) Stay strong.

The appointment idea has possibilities but you could do that at any time, even after the D. It would be funny to see someone who thought he was entitled to have your stbxWW taken unawares like that. Maybe you could save that for the final icing on the crap cake that you have been given to deal with. Sweet icing on the nasty cake.

Just so others reading understand this, the type of exposure that is recommended right away when you find out your spouse is having an affair has nothing at all to do with the "exposure list" mentioned here.

IMO this list is purely for revenge, maybe rightly earned but certainly not Plan A exposure which is the only available tool at the BS's disposal that might put actual pressure on the affair.

I just wanted to point that out because of the typical resistance to exposing a WW's affair by most men who come here to begin with. Exposure should happen as soon as you know what is going on rather than as a last resort or after the fact. Protecting the WS by not letting other people know the truth only protects their secret and allows the affair to continue.

That said, good luck in your fight to keep the kids, LG. Be careful with your desire for revenge. Once begun it can eat you up because nothing can satisfy that desire once it is unleashed.

There can never really be enough payback for what has has been done to you anyway, why not just count the losses and right your own ship. Being vindictive will only hurt your time with the kids and maybe give your STBX leverage that can be twisted in her favor by a good lawyer.

Revenge may be sweet, but the best revenge would be a good life lived well. The best way to be rid of her is to forget her completely...

Mark

LG,
I've been following your story from the beginning, and I've been thinking about you and praying for you all week. I hope you find the happiness you deserve....

Mark,
I agree with what you are saying about exposure for revenge purposes. However, I have a question.

If LG doesn't expose as he would like to, people are still going to ask questions. Would it be wrong at that point to simply be honest? Would that be considered vengeful?

I recommend you delete the first line of your first post on this thread.

Your WW may check and go "Heyyyyy...."

Small things, but you never know.

LG (I keep thinking of LousyGolfer!), I was thinking about you this AM. I'm sure you covered this off w/ your lawyer but I was thinking about health insurance. Your STBxWW should continue to cover the kids but I hope you are working interim coverage in there for you ('til you find a job that offers health benefits). No reason for you to go without health coverage.

Survived,

By all means you should be honest when asked. I don't even have a problem with exposure to a select group after the fact, even for revenge purposes.

I just wanted people who might be new who have just been told to expose the affair as a way of trying to save the marriage to realize that this exposure is not what they are being told to do.

Edited to delete TMI and stop the TJ of the thread.

Sorry LG.

Mark

i think exposure after the fact serves some legit purposes, as well. Almost invariably, the WS has spread lies to justif her/his actions and there is a ton of misinformation to fight in oreder to preseve one's reputation.
And, the WS does desreve to feel consequences.

They're looking at losing up to 1/6 of their business to you. They will have to come up with a hell of a chunk of change. Then she will have to pay you a fixed alimony based on what she was earning previously to the filing. Not to mention CS. Even if they (and they will) cut her pay. Whats the view like from the bathroom of a studio apartment? Not bad, I hear, if you stand on the toilet. Have you money to get you by? She will obviously try to choke you for cash.

Update: Exposed to my family today. Very healing! Emotional. They were very supportive! WW told her parents, but not the whole story...they were crappy telling her I cannot get the kids, house, etc. She's still trying to draw me in with talk of not being able to cope -- me enabler kicks in.

I went over and told in-laws the whole truth. they appreciated the visit. WW didn't tell them all the truth...to embarrassed.

WW stayed away most of day, but we met ad house 3:00 pm to talk more and tell kiddos about divorce. our talks were okay, but I felt her sucking me back in. She's needy and I keep trying to help her. Can't do it.

I'll give her credit, shen it came time to tlel the kiddos she took the lead and said following -- sometimes married people aren't trut to their vows. I vowed to love only daddy. I had feelings, I kissed and I had sex with another man, and that was bad. And that's why we are getting a divorce. This is my fault, not daddies (I had to restrain myself from taking some blame...BUT I DIDN'T! I let her take responsibility for her actisno) You kids didn't do anything wrong, she said. She took the full brunt of this divorce! Impressive.

But i felt her sucking me back in. for FIVE months I've been concentrating on HER! I've been focusing all my efforts on HER. I'm at my brothers now and I'm about going crazy. I want to go help her and be with her...but I can't. This must be close to what if feels like to be addicted to the other person in an affair...and have to give them up. This SUCKS!

I need help breaking her hold on me. Not sure if she's doing this on purpose or unintentionally. She's wokring my "enabler" my "need to help her" mode. Very Hard. Suggestiosn please!!! Need to break the crack habit...

LG,

If your hand wants to pick up the phone, slap it. stay strong tonight! Tell your brother to, no matter what, not allow you to call or go over there.

Tomorrow will be here soon. Give it time. DO NOT reach out or rescue her! She has to hit the bottom.

You said yourself you made a huge mistake rescuing her many years ago.

Give God a chance.

SWW

Agree. I think she's close to hitting bottom but you must ALLOW for this to happen. This is criticial. Crucial. She must do so of her own accord. Your love has been what's kept her from hitting before.

She must see what happens when she goes down this destructive path. Trust me from my experiences, if she can hit rock bottom NOW vs. later having many more years of wayward up her sleeve, it's much better for everybody including the kids too.

I hate to say this, the more pain for the WS, the better. Not from YOU from their own actions. They have to witness full hand 100 percent destruction at their own hands. Takes longer for others..short time for some. Depends on the person.

With such a horrendous track record, I lean toward viewing this as manipulation. She is a very broken person, possibly high functioning BPD. They instinctively know how to manipulate and out on a false front.
You maynot feel it for a while. But, one day, you will realize that you are going to be better off.

Holy chit man. If this is what WS feel when the establish NC with the OP...

WOW!

I'm addicted to her. FIVE months of thinking of nothing but her. Five months of working on my marriage. IT has consumed me. If she walked in right now I don't think i coudl stop my self from hugging her. Faaaaaaaaaaack.

I seriously got a whole new level of respect for the withdrawl pains that WS go through. I'm freaking out...

I've made my brother to promise to not leave me alone today. Don't let me answer her calls. No contact with her...period!

this sucks beyond all belief....

Assistance needed..

You're doing the right thing. Even if you have to be chained in a dungeon like Lon Chaney Jr. Its good to have a bro so close. You need to go back, right now, and read your posts. Read how she cheated on you time and again. You still don't know how deep it goes. What about the conferences and conventions she went to. Do you think she didn't act out? She is addicted to OMs. Go read your thread. She wants you to pity her, so you won't let your lawyer go for the throat. Tell your bro and your lawyer, "No matter how long I scream or what I say, do not unbolt the dungeon door."

Hey LG,

How you doing this AM? Just checking in on ya'

SWW

Thanks sickwithworry.

Sucks this AM. Withdrawal...ICK! Brother stayed night. didn't have to see wife last noc when I got back...she heard bro was coming with me so she bugged out and got BFF to stay with kiddos.

I seriously need to go black with her. Even talking to her on phone feeds the addiction. Texts aren't bad. Will have to rely on the BFF to watch kiddos between me leaving and WW coming.

Ug.

You and I are a lot alike. My therapist told me that I was a "rescuer" too. It's hard for me not to be that way. One intellectually knows the right thing to do is not intervene, but it still stinks.

Stay strong, it does get easier.

SWW

Laughing this morning...

Finally, after almost 18 years of marriage I took the ring off my finger. Didn't want to before we told the kiddos...but they know, so it was off last night for first time since she slipped on my finger at the isle. yes, took off to work out, shower, swim, etc., but this was really first time in forever that ring was not on my finger...

So this morning I tell my brother I need someone to be with me all the time. Lock me in dungeon. And I tell him to please take the ring and do something with it.

So he asks me for it this morning and we both think of Lord of the Rings...my prescious! We are laughing and giggling right now. It was hard to give to him...but it must be. The ring has power. To Mordor!