Wow....

This thread looks like it is taking a turn.

Why am I attempting recovery... I assume "I love her" is not a good reason.

Ok, how about this.
I have looked at all the Data, pree marriage, post marriage, pree A, post A, and right up untill now. I looked at the things I did that allowed the possability of the A happening. I have looked at the horrible things that where done durring the A. I have looked at everything, and weather you agree or not, this also includes my emotions and what I want.

I want to have the oppertunity to fix my marriage, and I belive we have a chance. I am commited to recovery, as her fog has cleared my wife is become more commited to recovery.

However, that commitment does not mean I don't wish things where going faster. Recovery is slow, and hard... and accasionaly I just need to gripe and vent about it.

I do that here.

So I may come across all gloom and doom in my posts, but that�s not the case.

My biggest problem at the moment is SF, most of my other needs are being met, and as time goes by she is meeting them more and more. I also have a lot of work to do on myself. I was really, really bad about LB�s before the A, I am working very hard on elliminating these, learning what her EN�s are and making as many LB deposits with as few withdrawels as possible.
Am I 100% sure this will work�..
That�s not entirely up to me, but I belive we have a shot.

I love the child very much. She is a wonderfull, happy baby, and I enjoy having her in my life. I just hate �How� she got to be there.
No COM (Yet) but I am happy my family is together.

Yes

I understand.

Indeede

As I stated earlier in this thread, I am going to give SF a few more tries, if there is no change by the first of the year, Then we will have another talk.

Dr. Harley never speaks in absolutes when it comes to the decisions a BS should make.

The best thing for OC is to keep her as far away from OM as possible.

I don't think thats it. For the most part our only hurtle is SF.

Same here.

If still want to recover then go for it.

Does the OM know about the OC?

Did the OM just give up the OC?

I very much admire what you are doing Gack. It is a long road indeed, and I do think having an OC makes it longer. I think I stayed in my fog much longer because of the link the OC provided between myself and the OM. But NC weakens that link, even with an OC. I'm beginning to see that now, and I think it will become more and more evident with time.

I think you and your W definitely have a shot at a fully-recovered M and I wish you all the best.

Is your name on the BC or is OM's? I don't remember if you mentioned that before.

What's going on Gack?

2010 may be better than 2009 (And it can�t suck much worse than 2008)

We are only on the 4rth day of the year and we have already had SF 1/4 as many times as last year.

But it is weird, she wanted me to "finish" before I really wanted to. This has been a common theme since about a year before she left me/had her A, and continues today.

She gave me a reason for this before the A, but it is hard for me to believe, and is kinda graphic/embarrassing.
(And just sounds silly)

I am going to talk to her soon about why we have not been having it very often and see what reasons (If any) she gives.

Since SF things have gone pretty good. She is even a little flirtatious with me again and is even more touchy feely.

I hope these are all good signs.

This is disturbing. No need to get into details but this is worrisome. Don't let "soon" get away from you.

Explain, what are your thoughts?

Shes not really connected yet Gack1.

Just keep exploring why with her. It might take an outside source to open that door with her like a IC or a good MC.

Hope you can do the Harleys.

The SF will improve as long as you keep working on it with her. I know its rough SF was a biggie with me. But there was times I went cold too. Mostly when I felt worthless for some reason.
Right now it is a lot for you to handle but in time it can get better

If this is a pattern, then she is still emotionally dettached from you and likely views SF as a chore. Hard to feel close and loving when someway has the attitude..."are you done yet?" Whatever you wife's reason, this is troubling. She very well may have some bizarre reason that makes sense to her but it still shows a lack of intimacy. It's one thing if we are talking about a quickie and it's sort of a funny, hurry up haha moment, but that is not the impression I get.

Well, where still in the first month of 2010, and already had SF 1/2 as many times as 2009.

SF happened over the weekend, she initiated it and it was GOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!
Very passionate, lasted very long, did lots of "Stuff" and FWW was very pleased.

Apparently me spending all day remodeling the bathroom (New sink, vanity, and new bold paint) and then us having a few drinks that night really turned FWW on.

Perhaps "Bear premium ultra" semi gloss paint fumes are an aphrodisiac.

Glad things are going well for you.

A remodeled bathroom would be good, but a remodeled kitchen.... now that would really do it for me. New paint, refinished cabinets, a double oven... Hmmm... Okay, I've got to stop now, I'm getting all hot and bothered. Someone please send a note to my H about the kitchen.

Kidding aside, I really am glad things are going better for you Gack.

You had me at the double oven, Writer.

This worked so well that I am painting the baby's room later this week.
Then I am going to do the other bathroom

>Perhaps "Bear premium ultra" semi gloss paint fumes are an aphrodisiac.

It's especially an aphrodisiac when someone ELSE is doing the painting!

Ask the Wookie.

Glad you two got over the errr ummm "hump", Gack.

Bad form, Faithy.

But I love it anyway. Very punny.

Don�t worry, the kitchen is on my list, but it is probably the lowest prioraty in the house as it was remodeled by the previouse owner (I call her mom) a few years ago and is in very good shape.

Higher on the list is the other bathroom, baby�s room, spare bedroom, closing in the carport to be a garage and building a media room in the basement.

And that�s just the indoor and non automotive projects I have lined up.

On the SF front
If we had SF like we had over the weekend, twice a month I would be�� Content is not really the word�
But it would be acceptable.

I would like it to be MUCH more often, like it was when we first got together/married.

But I think we where way more sexual than most people. We where just really, really, really into each other in every way back then, especialy in SF. I would love to have that back, but I just don�t think she could ever go back to being that sexual.

I really think I was spoiled in the SF department back then, and I remember how awsome those days where and it taint�s my veiw of our relation ship now and will going forward. Back then SF once a day was average, and multipil times in a day happened fairley regularly. I miss that, and fear not ever having it at that level again.

For example
We would go on vacation to have SF without having to be interupted by daily life. Rent a really nice high rise condo on the beach with a great view. FWW would pack a Bikini, a dress and heels, and wear something comfortable on the trip down. The moment we walked in the condo she would disrobe and put those clothes in a drawer and would not put them back on untill we left to go home. The rest of the time it was birthday suit in the condo, bikini on the balkony/beach/pool, and the dress to go out at night in and SF 5 to 7 times a day!!!

For the first 4yrs of our marriage that�s what our life was like. We absolutly could not keep our hands off each other. And it was mutual!

I miss that, and still want her that much.

But I can live without that level of SF. If we get to where we are having it once or twice a week I will be content. Anything more will just be a bonus.

Thanks, but I think the real......Ummmmm...."Hump" will be the twice in one week...Ummmm........"Hump"

BEWARE

WW's and FWW's all say size doesn't matter.

Then how come they all want DOUBLE ovens?

Road, we want double ovens so that we can cook more than one thing at a time at different temperatures.

Besides, a double oven isn't bigger than a regular oven. It's actually two ovens in one.

I don't think most women want their H's to have 2.... oh, never mind. Let's not even go there.