she said y'all!

Hee hee.

I also say "folks."

But I don't say "you-uns." I have my limits.

The key question is...how big is your hair?

I hadn't read this thread since it was moved from MB101 (nee EN). I just want to say that the things cat and OH and others have been saying, have a firm basis in what has been going on, as evidenced by many posts, not just one incident. Being a betrayed spouse does not make one a complete angel, a model spouse and parent. IMHO one should be willing and able to look at one's own mistakes and problems, and work to improve, especially if a young child is involved.

My heart breaks for SW's DS. He does NOT feel free to feel however he's going to feel. (Although it does seem like she's now taking steps to let DS know he is free to feel however he wants to feel. That's good.)

I'm sure she's much happier on this forum though, where all the wrong in the world can be placed firmly on WXH and OW.

(Oh, and something I think the SAA folks didn't catch - she mentioned talking to someone, and y'all replied that she should leave WSH WXH out of the discussion. I think you misunderstood, she was referring to talking to OW's BXH. Just to clarify.)

Thanks Jayne. But I do know her history too, and have based my comments on that. I will say again, that the way DS "feels" is out of her control anyway, so that is a moot point. Feelings just are. SW has done an excellent job in preparing her son for insertion into a horrible situation.

at OurHouse.

Thanks Jayne but it still does not change my advice.

I think her son has every right to know that this is the woman that caused the break up of their family and he does not have to "like" her EVER.

It is his father's choice what he does with that knowledge, not SW's ds. If the ds does not like the OW simply because SW does not then i do not think that is a problem either.

And i agree with Mel, you can not make anyone even your own children feel one way or another, they just do.

Yes....OW's BXH is now one of my best friends in the world. Never met in person though. We keep meaning to now that his divorce and my divorce are both final, but we are both really busy.

Jayne, sorry that you feel that I'm not addressing my own issues in my marriage. Kind of hard for me to know what was really ME and what was my Xh's WW mindset. Talked to my brother a long time yesterday and he is remembering years worth of crap he knew and suppressed about my XH. Most of it was stories XH told my OWN brother....which of course when confronted with he would just deny. Brother stopped telling me stuff and just shoved it back, but lately he is really beginning to wonder how bad my XH probably was.

Things like peeping tom when we were first married...and a story about picking up a red headed school teacher at a bar and sleeping with her and not even using a condom....and the things I know about him...trying to choke me during sex and punching me so hard in the leg when I shoved him off me that I had a horrible fist size bruise for 2 months. I went to the doctor over it even. The porn, the pressure constantly to do lots of things I didn't want to do.

And the words he said to me shortly after D-day...'this would have never happened if you had been giving me BJs all along.'

So yeah, I wasn't a perfect wife...I see ways I punished him and zinged him...I feel it especially now that another man is interested in me and I DON'T punish him in the same ways....conversation wise....but regardless my XH was so bad I promise you guys that NONE of you would have stood it for 26 years. So I'm ok with my efforts. And I'm ok with how I'm dealing with my son now. I ask for guidance, but naturally I am not going to agree with opposing points of view so I have to decide what is best for me.

Ima, you know that "you-uns" is just y'all plus 3, right?

SW...I think you are right on track!

Mrs. W

Yep. I'm an idiot. I know I am.

My Yankee cousins say 'yous'. Weirdos.

I totally disagree with this. You CAN make your children feel a certain way about things. I'm sure I'm not the only one here that has children that have taken my reaction to something and made it their own! Like storms, flying etc.

Young children are very impressionable and they look to their parents on how to react to something that don't understand

Maybe at almost 10 he is old enough to feel what he feels on his own?

In other words you persuaded them. Persuading them is not the same as making them feel a certain way. Try as I might, I could never make my kids feel good about cleaning their room for example. Kids cannot be FORCED to feel anything against their will. It he chooses to ADOPT her feelings that is still his choice. And there is nothing wrong with him doing that.

Good to see you back, Jojo!

Ds going to his dad's tonight for the weekend. I have a feeling this might be 'the' weekend he introduces him to OW and her child.....Ugh. Trying very hard to not worry about it and not stress. I've said my peace to ds and now need to prepare myself for him telling me all about it Sunday afternoon.

Yup. Just let him know you're there if he needs to talk about anything--no judgement will be made!

Even if she did influence him to feel BAD about the OW, is there is something wrong with that? This child should feel very bad about a disgusting person who contributed to the break up of his family. There would be something WRONG if he didn't. I don't know when it became a CRIME to influence the feelings of children? Isn't that OUR JOB as parents?

Hunh! It's "youse"...as in "youse guys". Jeez, SW, get your spelling right!

And I grew up saying "yo!" for just about anyone and in any situation.

Greeting: "Hey yo!"
Talking "so yo!..whaddya think about.."
Saying goodbye. "yo!"