EKL,

Sorry you are here. Why don't you start a thread of your own, and we can help you.

HH,

I watched a video at DD's rehab on Tuesday, and it explained the chemicals released in the brain etc. so I think I now buy the addiction piece of it. But darn it, it's also a choice too. Addicts recover because they make a choice to do so. Not sure I will ever understand it fully.

Hi CL,



I think for a WS & OP, 'isolation' from family and friends has more to do with avoiding anyone from 'bursting their bubble' and/or reduce potential guilty feelings.

But as the saying goes: you can run but you can't hide! ....some can 'run' a lot!

Keep focusing on yourself and on moving forward.... pretty soon you will no longer be able to see WS in your rearview mirror!

Chai, do your remember how you felt when you met your H?

Those love feelings, the high, finishing each other sentences, you were sooo much alike, same interests and the list goes on. We were their soulmates.

That is what the waywards are feeling towrds these swines. They are back on a high but with trash.

How soon did you realize that you weren't much alike as them or didn't have the same interests, or that they were slobs or whatever. We stayed because we loved them and tried to find a good balance in our lives.

How long can the wayward and the OP put on that good front to each other? They went into these R because they craved the high, the excitement, the danger. Most waywards give up everything for these less OP. I know with my XH; he was demoted; he lives in PP's house as a boarder; he no longer sees his DD and she continues to refuse to speak to him and the list goes on.

How long before he has to look at the OP and say WTH when they are not being so loving, or kind or true.

I believe in the chemical reaction but it fizzles after time.

Too bad that these waywards did not realize that they could get the same high from chocolate than destroy their whole family and themselves.

And to add to this, drama seems to extend this chemical reaction. Hope, Chai, myself and others can testify to how drama has extended the lives of our WS's affairs. The thing is, the drama eventually has to end. Sooner or later, the "happy" couple run out of enemies. Divorces get settled. People (including extended family and former friends) move on. Things settle down and the "happy" couple realize they've chased away everyone that mattered to them and given up a significant chunk of their worldy possessions only to remove those rose-coloured glasses to see who they get to spend their emptiness with.

[quote=Tabby1And to add to this, drama seems to extend this chemical reaction. Hope, Chai, myself and others can testify to how drama has extended the lives of our WS's affairs. The thing is, the drama eventually has to end. Sooner or later, the "happy" couple run out of enemies. Divorces get settled. People (including extended family and former friends) move on. Things settle down and the "happy" couple realize they've chased away everyone that mattered to them and given up a significant chunk of their worldy possessions only to remove those rose-coloured glasses to see who they get to spend their emptiness with. [/quote]

Bingo. Those rose colored glasses come off and the light will blind them when they see the truth about their "soulmates". If they cheated with you; they will cheat on you. Love that saying.

I think it's the whole 'we' vs. 'them' thing. As long as it's the two of them against a common enemy (the BS)things go fine. But I think Tabby is right, when the dust settles you have at least one person (WS) who has no fight left in them.

There's another side of this you haven't mentioned: The "MOVE."

Often, the AP will move to a new place (town, city, community, etc.) where nobody knows them. They give up their old friends and associates and try to make a "fresh start" as the happy couple. It's what my WW and OM are preparing to do.

The one problem is that they cannot get away from themselves.

"No matter where you go, there you are."

How true. Your baggage always somehow show up wherever you are....

The trouble with this (my WXH and OW did this too) is that after a while, even the new people get sick of hearing about their "horrible" exes. When the focus of your life is how much you hate someone else, you just aren't that interesting to other people and possibly even a bit creepy.

Too true.

Interesting example. My x-boss did just that. He came into his position here last March full of himself. In conversations with him I pieced together that he was a wayward. He was recently M for about 1 year to OW; (who was a good friend of x-wife). Prior to being on the MB I would not have picked out all of those details. Talked to me about x-wife, new wife and all the fog babble with it.

Bragged about moving here, how great it was for him and his wife, great great great. He was full of himself and practically pounded his chest. He made me and others uncomfortable with comments he made. He did not perform well. He was asked to leave after the New Year or be fired.

Wonder if he and his wonderful wife had to crawl back to where they came from and explain what happened to their wonderful life.

Just a litte karma for the BS.

OM in my case has a technical job that likely requires both specialized training (i.e. former military) and a clearance. Because of this, he rides a double-edged sword:

• His job tolerates his peccadilloes because he's "irreplaceable"
• His is such a specialty that he cannot find other work

So the two will likely move (and have taken steps to do so already) their domicile away from friends and associates, but not too far away, as he will still need to commute to work.

She, on the other hand, has lost any professional standing she may have had, and will have to depend on him for most of her needs (medical coverage, etc. -- just like she did with me) and will have to earn her gas money doing a menial job out in the sticks.

One key difference is that I don't have children to support. He has three. As does she. Oh, boy...

Fred,

Your WW is going headlong into a buzz saw. She just doesn't know it yet. You are the lucky one my friend.

I called XWH's brother and SIL on Saturday. BIL said that he has heard nothing from XWH in almost 3 years now. I apologized for not calling them, but honestly, I thought that XWH had totally turned them against me.

They were sad to hear of the D. BIL says that he will not chase XWH. He said that XWH knows where he is and if he wants contact he can call.

They told me that I was family and that their home was always open. I appreciated that.

XWH has walked away from his entire family at this point. Has contacted none of them. He will probably cling to Miss Mullet like glue because she is all that he has now. Sad.

I have been told that more than once. I've gotten to believe it!

It's really quite amazing what some people blind themselves to. (I include myself in that category, as I should have seen all this happening beforehand).

Hi Chai,
Glad you were able to connect with XBIL, that always helps in the healing when you can close the loop with family.
I'm sure you warned xBIL away from trying to help your DD while she is in her active addiction, right? She sounds very smart and would appreciate a new "mark," like a kindly uncle.
How has she been doing, by the way?

Hi Ima,

Yes, it really was good to talk with xbil and his wife, but it was sad too. In many ways, it was like talking to XWH which was a trigger. They use many of the same phrases with the same inflection points etc. so that was a little difficult.

He actually offered to talk with DD, but she would pull nothing over on him. He is an ex Army officer who spent many years in the field, so I doubt she would get far with him. He almost got kicked out 2 years before retirement due to alcoholism, so he knows what it's like to make a decision to recover. He's been sober 17 years now.

Anyway, DD is now in another rehab for pregnant women. They are letting her stay on methodone so I don't see the point. Once she is away from there or once the baby is born she will just start abusing it again. It's her drug of choice. It's like putting a heroine addict in rehab but giving them controlled doses of heroine everyday. What's the point?

I hear ya, Chai. Some rehab programs are not that bright, are they?

Hi CL,



I 'hear yea'!

Take care.

Luna

{{{{{{Chai-baby}}}}}}}}},

I wanna comment on it all.....


WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!....one thing off the list


It is for every one!!!!.....As long as you are keeping at it, you are doing the "have-to" in life.....




YOur health is the most important thing you have. YOu HAVE to take care of YOU.....(of course, this is a kick in the panties for me....Dr. visits I am good with, the DENTIST???....gotta make me an appointment.....now you know my trouble area.... )




this is so good for YOU, because you LOVE and ENJOY it.....I am so proud of you




Yes, a long time coming for you...this is very good.....




Oh Chai, I am so EXCITED to hear this for you.....this will do you WONDERS!!!....I don't know anything about Zumba, BUT Kickboxing???.....I am all about it sista!!!!!....This will do wonders for you mind, spirit, and BODY. I recommend this to everyone!!!!....I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kickboxing class....(I better, since I get up at 4:30 every morning to go....... )


Even though it was rough when it was down, maybe, just MAYBE somebody up there was watching out for you...... .....giving you what you needed WHEN you needed it (and not when XWH needed it....)


....calm and serene and pleasant dwellings will keep you at peace.....


WHO DAT????.....



Something I knew all along......

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chai}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


You sound so good and amazing. I am so very PROUD of you........VERY
You were a source of comfort to me back in the day.....Thank you again....and now you are a source of comfort for all who wonder if life can ever be good again.....

not2fun

ps....MIMI would love all of this......

Hey Not,

Thanks so much for stopping by and lending support.

Unfortunately my first exercise class didn't go because of all of the snow that we've had. Looking forward to starting next week. I'll let you know how the kick boxing part of it goes....

I still have down days, but overall I am surprising even myself!!

We had a custody hearing this week for chaibaby. The other grandparents are filing for custody but my Dd is fighting it. Although he was the only family member not in attendance (again) I suspect XWH is behind it.

Had he bothered to attend, he would have found out that DD had 5 drugs in her test on 1/11 (cocain, methadone, benzos and can't remember the other two). The judge looked at her and said "it's one thing to abuse your own body, but your unborn child?" She doesn't have a chance. I'm beginning to think she will never get it. And XWH? His way of making her think he gives a d@mn is to tell her he'll pay for an atty, they should fight etc. Lip service. He NEVER puts anything but words into the pot.

I am still a work in progress....