Heres my opinion on the original poster:

1. Nuts
2. Troll
3. Wayyyy too much idle time, needs a job or something.
4. Destructive to his marriage and does not care about his wife

Romeo, read some of the postings of those who have been betrayed. I am sure you dont want to do that to your wife. If you are truly unhappy, back off the soulmate, tell your wife you feelings and discuss the state of your marriage. But, dont ever, ever leave for another woman. You will regret it for the rest of your life. My wife found her soulmate 6 months ago, she just left my house crying wondering how we can piece our marriage back together. As melody explained, once exposed and given the chance to thrive most affairs do not.

If you must bow out of your marriage, do so with honor and dignity towards your wife. She at least deserves that much. No one deserves to be betrayed.

****edit****. You just float on sunbeams, don't you? I just said we had agreed not to do anything and never physically HAVE done anything. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. I just wanted help on how to cut the feelings is all, imagined or not. You seem to have missed that glaring truth.

It is a hopeless relationship. There is no future there. This is a fantasy that has no future.

Go print up your post, NR, and hand it to your wife. Do it tonight. And then tell your kids what you have been doing to their family. They have a right to know the source of the turmoil in their family.

Then send the OW and her H the no contact letter and delete the facebook account.

Come back here and we will show you how to have a romantic, passsionate, "soul mate" marriage.

We will help you. But you need to wake the hell up, my friend. You have lost your mind and are headed for the biggest mistake you have ever made in your life.

Dude, You clearly don't care about what is written in the bible.

We can point you toward some things that will save your marriage, if your wife still wants you. We can even help you regain your integrity. I'll even discuss the bible with you if you'd like, though I doubt you'll find much of anything to encourage your adultery.

If you follow the things you can learn here you can in fact have your wife as your soul mate and the one you can't live without. You remember her, right. She's the mother of your children.

First advice...

Cut off all contact with your affair partner, in writing based on examples people here can give you. Your wife needs to read this letter and approve it before you send it, so make it something she will think is special, OK?

Second advice...

You're married. You don't need social networking sites designed to meet other people.

Lose the FB account entirely. No reason to have it.

Start with those two things. If you do them, more advice will be forthcoming.

NOBODY here is going to give you advice to follow your heart or any other such crap. This is MARRIAGE Builders.

This is just deja moo for us. We've heard this bull before.

Wanna fix this? Listen to these folks.

Mark (The guy with the funny icons)

I agree with you in part Romeo, at this point you are dancing on the line, but I dont think you have committed adultery. A whole lot of people chat up ex's with no intent of it going anyfurther and usually realize its a good idea to stop. I hope sincerely, and judging by the fact you have asked for help, you are realizing this is a mistake. Delete the facebook and continue on with your life. I dont see any need to disclose what has happened so far. I would use that time and energy to improve the marriage.

Who is "floating on sunbeams?" You need to take look in the mirror. You are having an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. There is absolutely no difference between an emotional affair and a physical affair. So you can stop telling yourself this isnt an affair..IT IS.


I told you how to cut your feelings, did you listen?

Excuse me? This is an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. It is just as harmful as a physical affair, if not worse. Do you know how many marriages on this forum that were WRECKED by emotional affairs?

Okay. How to cut the feelings.

1. Delete your FB account NOW!

2. Write a NC (no contact) letter to the OW (other woman) telling her you are going to focus on your marriage and want no further contact with her for the rest of your life.

3. Talk to your wife. Tell her everything about your EA (emotional affair). Answer all of her questions. Get down on your knees and humbly apologize for all of the pain you have caused her. Tell her you love her and that you will do anything and everything to save your marriage.

4. Order the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. Read it with your wife.

5. Set up counseling with the Harley's.

6. Understand that you will go through a period of "withdrawal" and that it will be very painful, but it will pass. It will pass even more quickly if you do steps 1-5 immediately.

Ummm...I never said anything about the bible to you at all. The link I gave you is legit, independently written and NON-religious. The only thing I can figure is because the .pdf file I linked is parked on some church website you thought I was bible thumping you.

Here's the link again...don't read it for me...do it for your wife, kids and even for the OW. You can save everyone IN YOUR LIFE a lot of grief by going No Contact with this woman.

31 Reasons to Stop an Affair

Mr. Wondering

This is DREADFUL ADVICE that jeopardizes his marriage. Dishonesty is not the solution to an affair. Yours is NOT Marriage Builders advice, Wat, and I would ask that you let us help him with MARRIAGE BUILDERS concepts. A marriage cannot be recovered based on dishonesty.

Secondly, his wife has a right and a need to know what he has been doing behind her back.

You don't know what you are talking about here. NOWHERE does Marriage Builders advise dishonesty.

NO CONTACT FOR LIFE...it's the only way.

[Consider that it worked for you before. You grew older and fell in love and married someone else]

W

I wasnt giving advice, just an opinion.

**edit** Nothing has happened EVER. Nothing is going to happen. We agreed to this. I came here seeking advice on how to shut the feelings off. It seems like 95% of the people attacking me and calling me a troll didn't even bother to read the whole [admittedly long-winded] post.

Actually, you gave him advice to keep his affair secret, which would be a disaster. And the rest of us are left to refute that bad advice. I think he came here to get Marriage Builders advice and nowhere does MB advocate DISHONESTY as the solution to infidelity.

NR,

I am reluctant to get into this. I really have work to do. I read your post and it brought back memories, many many memories. I grew up in a family that traveled and moved alot. I ran into girls during these travels especially from the age of 13-18 that I just fell in love with. I can remember them 45+ years later.

In each case they moved or my family moved and it was extremely painful. A few of those girls I met again in my life, but our life situations were such that nothing could come of these encounters. I still remember them and very very fondly. Some of them could be considered better looking than my W. But, none of them are my W.

I feel sorry for you because you only have ONE girl like that in your life, I had many. They were wonderful girls and I am sure they are magnificent women now. They were physically beautiful, they had smiles that would light a room, they were kind sweet, and most of all they liked me...ALOT.

They are wonderful memories, but they are not and will not be my W. That woman, my W, gave me three children, she gave me her life and has shared it with me for well over 30 years. Not a single other woman has ever done that for or with me. And frankly neither has your "soul mate" with you.

The reality was and is not as you remember it. For if this girl was truly the one, you, she, The God's would have made it possible for you two to be together. You are not. Frankly you both have chosen other people to share your life with and to have children with.

You want to know what to do. I know you know what to do, you just don't want to do it. You would rather run from the realities of life and chase a fantasy, but your W, and your family are not a fantasy and as such they can and will bring you frustration, love, anger, contentment, sacrafice, and gifts. You just have to grow up enough to understand this.

I stongly encourage you to read the articles here, read Harleys Survifing an Affair, and then REad the book His Needs Her Needs and start to focus on your marriage and your family. I can assure you that if you do this you will never regret the effort and you will see your marriage in a whole new light.

Thnk about it.

God Bless,

JL

You HAVE been told more than once how to shut the feelings off, and you have not responded to those posts. You've been told to write skankho a NC letter and delete your Facebook account, among other things.

Please stop the vulgar, insulting language and hostile tone. You are already receiving the best advice and help and you need to listen to it.

Yes, something has happened. You are in love with another woman and are having an online affair.

But since "nothing has happened" in your opinion, your wife should be thrilled to read your post. Just tell her "nothing has happened" when you show her your post.

I would cool the language if I were you.

**edit**

Thank you to the people who have given me positive, constructive steps to take in severing this connection once and for all. Gotta lose that FB account ASAP for step one. Man, I let that site get the better of me.