Then kick him in his grill.



That would not be good.

SchoolBus,

Sorry to interrupt this thread; if I knew how to contact you another way, I would.

PrincessMeggy recommended contacting you. She said you are an expert or professional about interpreting letters from the OM or OP. The OM sent me a long letter, and I'd like you to give me your reading. You can find the OM's letter on Page 10 of "After Exposure."

Cheers,


MichaelJan


------------------
Me: BH, 39 (and jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10

Get your papers that describe the division of assets, or whatever it was that gave him the house and took you "out" of it. Call the insurance company again. Take down the name of every person you talk to, and if they don't help you out, ask to speak to their direct supervisor. Work your way up the chain of command until you find someone who can fix it. And when you get there, you'll have the name of every underling who let you down on the way.

tl

2 1/2 hours later and he hasn't responded to my request that he assure me he won't be getting any cash back from the roofers....Interesting especially considering he was so anxious to get the checks signed and the work started. I think with that much money involved the roofing company is giving him some of the cash..maybe not much because we did have a $2000 deductible...but I bet money he is tryng to figure out a way to not let me know he is getting cash.

It really irritates me that the insurance company isn't more accomodating to me..a 30 year customer....I told them, 'look, it is an ugly divorce, I want nothing to do with his business. I signed a quit claim deed....can't you get that and use that as proof that I won't sue you later for my share of the settlement? She claims no....I don't have the energy to keep going up the chain of command....but I do agree with who ever suggested it that I SHOULD.

As far as if I have to open an account....that probably isn't even true........came from XH and he both stupid and a liar. He also told me on a message left on my phone that the mortgage company would be suing me if I don't sign the checks. Funny, they haven't seen fit to even make a phone call to me about it.

Good to hear you say this...I guess I focused so hard at first on just getting through it all...snooping, exposing, confronting, lawyers, etc....that I forgot to take time to be angry and grieve.

No one is really surprised he cheated on me....but everyone is shocked at the level of cruelty he keeps dishing out to me. I guess once we get this insurance junk over with I can go dark.

You are right....but it made me laugh. Thanks.

Call the roofers and ASK.

Can't the check be made out to the roofers? Takes away anything you will have to sign.

SW (Hey! We have the same initials!). You are dealing with two highly regulated businesses -- banks and insurance companies. They may want to help you, but they have precious little wriggle room, and when they hear "divorce" they will be inflexible.

Here is the how I see this:

1. If your name was on the title for the house at the time of the loss, the insurance company MUST make the check jointly payable to you and your POSXH. It doesn't matter who you talk to, there is no quick recourse through the insurance company, and since talking to insurance companies is bad for your health, I suggest you not go that route. Ultimately, were you to provide their legal department with certified copies of the relevant court documents, they might reissue the check in his name, or they might deposit the funds in the registry of the divorce court and let the judge sort it out.

2. Since you are not depositing in a joint account, what your POSXH needs you to do is endorse the check over to him so that he can deposit it in his individual account.

3. The bank must have identification as verification that you, in fact, endorsed the check or all kinds of bad things might happen to the bank. That requirement is less stringently enforced when the check is deposited in a joint account which is possibly why that was suggested.

4. There is no legitimate reason why you have to be present at the bank WITH POSXH to endorse the check. Have him leave it with a branch officer and go in when you feel like it.

5. If your name is not on the roofing contract, you most probably have no legal obligation to pay them. In that event, endorse it at your convenience and be done with it.

6. If your name is on the roofing contract, you want to be sure they are paid the insurance proceeds. In that event, endorse it at your convenience, and immediately have a cashiers check issued to the roofing company. Have the bank make a copy of the original and cashiers check for your records. Immediately mail the check to the roofing company in the certified mail, return receipt requested envelope that you already have in your hot little hand before you ever go in the bank.

You may want to do this in any event for other reasons.

7. Make a note of the name of the bank officer, the address of the branch, the time you went in, the Post Office where you mailed the check on the copies you have, staple them to the certified mail receipt, and file them away.

If your POSXH is really only interested in getting the check endorsed, he should have no problem with this. If he throws up any sort of smoke screen, you have your answer.

I hope this helps -- I want so much for you to heal from what you have endured.

So there ya go Smiley!

Great advice SW.

This gets the roofers paid and the check cashed - but what about stopping the roofing company from accepting the check and than "cashing out" to POSXH what was above the contract amount?

Back in the dark ages when I was a mortgage clerk, the check would have been issued to the bank (in the names of the bank and the mortgagors, jointly), and the bank would have held it in escrow until the work was done and inspected by their representative. The mortgagor generally didn't even see the check until then. Once the bank was satisfied that their interests were protected, they would release the funds. That's the point of the loss-payee clause. Any other way leaves them vulnerable to fraud.

Depends on the language of the decree -- what I saw said the insurance proceeds should be used to repair the roof but it is doubtful that is the exact language.

If there is a substantial difference between the cost of repair and the insurance proceeds, and her name is on the roofing contract, SW could take the cashiers check to the roofing company personally and ask that she be reimbursed half of the overage on the spot. The beauty of a cashiers check is that no one can argue that the funds aren't good.

I'd just like to see SW outwit him on whatever his agenda is because it would be good for her! If he's looking for an excuse to interact, no interaction. If he wants to keep the extra cash, he gets his half. If he's in a big hurry to get it done, make him wait for her schedule. Whatever he wants, I don't want him to have it.

My instinctive reaction to this fact pattern is that something is going on around this check that has nothing to do with the check, and I want SW to win this skirmish.

I agree. I sure wouldn't do it if I thought his benefit was more than he should "rightfully" receive

I agree, this smells fishy...

Keep in mind with most contractors looking for work anywhere, nowadays-- the roofing company may be willing to give WH a cut back.

Yes, I know. I commented on your thread once about it...I believe I said, 'Stop calling her SW! I'M SW!!!' I was only kidding....but the tone of your thread was too serious and no one paid any attention to me at all. Shrug.



THIS is what I want to hear. I will pursue this...I just don't want to have to go in a bank and do business with him and have to play nice. I just don't.

I was a little suspicious that he was getting a kickback from the roofing company. I called them earlier and asked them and they flatly denied it...saying there would be no cash left since our deductible was so high ($2000). I don't trust them, but the fact is $2000 is a high deductible and that is probably as much as they can absorp.

Edited to add--He did finally respond and say, "I'm not making a dime off this. If you don't believe me call John Doe at the Roofing company." (I already had, but as I said, I don't trust them much more than I do XH.) At least I have XH saying via email that he isn't making any money off the deal.

So that is one issue.

The other issue is that XH might not pay the bill and/or have the repairs made...He will. It isn't his nature to let a bad rough go unrepaired nor is it his nature to not pay a bill he owes. Not to mention because the mortgage company is involved he probably will not ever see the money.

And my name is not on the roofing contract.


It does help. Thanks so much.

Hey, think of it this way. Once you get past these checks it will be clear sailing! You can stay far away from him except for the exchanges with the child.

YAY! He will tire of his HO.

SW,

I just had my roof replaced due to damage from Hurricane Ike. That roofer's smoking his socks! $2000 is NOT a high deductible. Mine is $4500 as is most of my neighbors. I'm insured with Allstate.

Even that is pure torture. I went to visit my former neighbor today for about 30 minutes before ds was due to be at his dad's across the street. I sent ds over at 5:30 and I kept on visiting....when I left shortly after 6 OW was there. I sat in my friend's driveway starting at the house for about 30 seconds and remembering that I do have a right to be angry....then I went to the grocery store and tried to think happy thoughts.



I hope you are right....but I fear he may marry her..

Wow. 2000 is high for around here....Did your roofer absorp all the $4500 for you?