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anne505,
Just glad you sound well and the baby is fine as well, next year will be a good one, a lot to look forward to.
Your husband isn't even worth a second look in my eyes, he sounds mean and heartless, he deserves what he is going to get.......
I know you have a plan and that somewhere down the road things will change for you and your family, every day you are stronger and more equipped emotionally to handle what will come your way......maybe when you are about to drop the bomb and make your move you can go to your doctor and get a little help with a med, just to keep yourself stress free.......I'll check in on you from time to time and look forward to hearing about the birth of your daughter......I always have you in my prayers to keep you strong and safe.....
(((Hugs)))))


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
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@Sapphire - "Plan FU" describes it pretty well. I am done with this marriage. While I'm not happy with his actions, I'm very happy and at peace with my decision. The more I learn, the more I realize just how long this has been going on and that this is simply who he is - I just never knew it until now. It won't be easy but it is the right thing to do for me and my children.

@Jessitaylor - Thank you for the kind words. You are right, there is so much to look forward to and that is what I'm doing. I agree...mean and heartless and not worth a second look.

anne505 #2428975 09/22/10 09:37 AM
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Hey Snoopy!

Glad to hear that you are hanging in there. Not much advice to give as you have your plan and you are executing it. Just wanted to pop onto your thread and let you know that I'm still following your sitch and hope nothing but the best for you and your kiddos.

Keep us posted on when your little one arrives! Best of luck with the delivery!


anne505 #2428976 09/22/10 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by anne505
@Sapphire - "Plan FU" describes it pretty well. I am done with this marriage. While I'm not happy with his actions, I'm very happy and at peace with my decision. The more I learn, the more I realize just how long this has been going on and that this is simply who he is - I just never knew it until now. It won't be easy but it is the right thing to do for me and my children.


Again I was afraid of this, I knew 4 months ago that if you did not confront him that you would go to plan FU.

So then what are you waiting for?

The best thing for you to do to protect your children is to confront him and start WORKING on the marriage instead of sitting on the sidelines watching your teammate ruin the game, instead why don't you confront him and FIX the problem?

When you came on this site I bet you wanted to fix your marriage, then why don't you do that anne? Instead of watching it fall apart?

You should have taken the necessary steps from the MB site, instead of readjusting it for your situation.

If you are in plan FU then why not confront him? I understood 4 months ago why you wanted to wait and get REAL evidence, but I knew then and I definitely know now that you were afraid to confront him. Which I understand, but honestly if you really wanted to help your marriage you would have done so.

Now that you have waited and you have no love for him your children will live in a broken home, is that what you want? You children to see that a marriage can survive with no love?

I am disagreeing with EVERYTHING I have said 4 months ago when I came on here.

YOU SHOULD HAVE CONFRONTED HIM!

Other posters can give me a 2X4's but I am 100% disagreeing with all of you when I say that she is making the biggest mistake of her life.

If my husband never confronted me, and waited on the side lines and decided to go to plan FU then I would not have had the opportunity to turn my life around and get my family back.

Instead of posting on the affair forums go to the divorced/divorcing forum for I can not help you any longer if you just sit there and be in plan FU.

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P.S You need to understand that this...what you are doing right now...is not helping your marriage.

You are actually HELPING ruin your marriage while you sit there doing nothing.

I had to call wheels to calm myself down, I had not realized that this what you are doing is a trigger of mine, because I am constantly thinking...

"what if Wheels didn't give me a chance??"

And I can not sit here and watch you ruin your marriage, sorry I can't.

COME ON PEOPLE where are the 2X4's? Are you really going to sit there? I don't care if the 2X4's are for me! laugh

Last edited by SapphireReturns; 09/22/10 10:07 AM.
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Sapphire, you're right. I shouldn't post here anymore and no longer plan to. Thanks to everyone for your advice and support over the past few months. You've been a great help to me. Good luck and good bye.

anne505 #2428995 09/22/10 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by anne505
Sapphire, you're right. I shouldn't post here anymore and no longer plan to. Thanks to everyone for your advice and support over the past few months. You've been a great help to me. Good luck and good bye.


Sorry that you sat there and watched your family get torn into half.

Goodbye and have a hard lessened learned

anne505 #2428997 09/22/10 10:33 AM
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Originally Posted by anne505
I'm new here. My husband is cheating but I don't yet have enough evidence to confront him. What do I do? I'm so scared and confused.


First post...my advice??


CONFRONT!! To save your marriage!!!

But you didn't you sat here for how many months trying to get help your marriage?

Sigh...I am VERY disappointed

anne505 #2429003 09/22/10 10:55 AM
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Anne,

Please do not allow one poster to run you off. We don't have to agree on everything another poster is doing. There is more than yourself on these boards that don't confront, or provide WS's consequences for their actions than yourself. All have their own reasons, yours is financial I believe per your other posts, HolyHeart also is financial, and there are more.

Myself, I am not the best example of MB either. But that doesn't mean I can't contribute and support others, as well as learn from other posters.

Please don't leave and you can always block posters if you find that they aren't helpful to you.

Best,


Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
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Quote
"what if Wheels didn't give me a chance??"

That was Wheels choice.


Quote
I am done with this marriage. While I'm not happy with his actions, I'm very happy and at peace with my decision. The more I learn, the more I realize just how long this has been going on and that this is simply who he is - I just never knew it until now. It won't be easy but it is the right thing to do for me and my children.


This is Anne's choice. It's her right.

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Sorry that you sat there and watched your family get torn into half.

This is just your mere crassly stated opinion.


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I had to call wheels to calm myself down, I had not realized that this what you are doing is a trigger of mine, because I am constantly thinking...

Really? Triggered over Anne's story because she doesn't want to reconcile or give a "chance" to a sleazy, long term wayward minded [censored]? Whose problem is that really? If you get so triggered by other peoples stories that you need help to calm down then maybe you should consider backing away from the screen.


Last edited by chrisner; 09/22/10 05:17 PM.

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chrisner #2429011 09/22/10 11:16 AM
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Actually better yet, why don't you call the Harley's and ask them what you should do. And if I am wrong by all means block me, I do not mind. I have been worried about you for awhile now, afraid that you would be in plan FU. SO PLEASE!!

Call the Harley's! Ask them what they think you should do, and get advise from the PROFESSIONALS not some strange people you don't even know. Yes we can offer comfort and assurance, but only the harleys can truly help you.

And yes I was triggered by her story, because I can see what can happen if she just sits there.....Divorce.

And yes it was wheels choice, and for doing so he saved the marriage. If he didn't then I wouldn't be here with my kids and a changed woman.

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Anne,

I have never posted to you before, but have watched your story all along.

It is your choice as a BS to not reconcile your marriage. Most of us here choose to support you whether you decide to reconcile or not. Every BS has the choice to walk away.

What MB does for everyone here is give them the tools they need for a great marriage, and recovery of one's self, even if they choose not to recover the marriage. You still learn the skills to have a great marriage in the future.

Most of us here will not condemn your choice to divorce. You have every right.

I have faith in you that you have learned a lot from these boards and will have better relationships in the future.

Even Harley himself has said he would not recover his marriage if adultery were to happen.

I want you to know I agree with Chrisner. I am not running my own agenda here. I wish you the best personal recovery, and understand that you are pregnant and wish to have all your ducks lined up to have a better future.

Please do not stop posting, your story will help new people that come here and choose personal recovery and learn skills for future relationships rather than recover the marriage. It really is okay.

You can use the ignore button for those who hammer you to do what they would do.

Best wishes to you. You are worthy!

Love in Christ,
Miss M


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Miss M #2429016 09/22/10 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Miss M
What MB does for everyone here is give them the tools they need for a great marriage, and recovery of one's self, even if they choose not to recover the marriage. You still learn the skills to have a great marriage in the future.


TY.

Anne if you are choosing to end your marriage then I wont say anymore.

Good luck.

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Anne if you are choosing to end your marriage then I wont say anymore.



She already had said that BEFORE your unhelpful multi-post, self righteous, �triggery� tirade.

Many posters here including me had voiced their concern that Anne�s long term plan would make recovery more challenging. But she made multiple well considered posts that explained her position, decisions and plan. Enough said. Accept it or stop posting to her. She�s the betrayed spouse. It�s her choice.

I have never detected in Anne a fearful, fogged out betrayed spouse. Indeed I think she has shown a lot of courage and intelligence given her situation.

Go back and read your posts. Was that helpful?

Quote
I wont say anymore.


Well, maybe an apology?

Last edited by chrisner; 09/22/10 05:07 PM.

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chrisner #2429027 09/22/10 12:22 PM
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Originally Posted by chrisner
Well, maybe an apology?


NO apology.

Good luck on the baby is all I have to say.

chrisner #2429028 09/22/10 12:28 PM
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"I'm new here. My husband is cheating but I don't yet have enough evidence to confront him. What do I do? I'm so scared and confused."

SR, she got advice on how to get evidence, and after she found out the scope of the infidelity and deception, she chose not to confront, and to get her ducks lined up for a better future for her and her kids.

Plus, she is pregnant for goodness sakes, you want her out on the streets in her condition? A very vulnerable time, indeed.

"Sorry that you sat there and watched your family get torn into half.

Goodbye and have a hard lessened learned"


That statement offended even me enough to come out of lurkdom and post. This woman is pregnant and does NOT need these kind of disrespectful judgments and attacks. She has enough on her plate as it is.

And as Chrisner said: was that helpful? WOW.

An apology would be appropriate at this point.

Love in Christ,
Miss M





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Originally Posted by SapphireReturns
Originally Posted by chrisner
Well, maybe an apology?


NO apology.

Good luck on the baby is all I have to say.

Wow, Anne, sorry you have had to endure this today. I didnt even realize your thread was active until I got a private email from a concerned boardie....I will send you an email in a minute.

As for Anne's decision....it is HER decision based upon months of intel that has revealed to her that her husband is not the man she thought he was. That is a far cry from a WH having a onetime affair. There are many many details she has learned that she has not shared here.

Her love bank did not go in the red due to her lack of confrontatioan. It went in the red from the KNOWLEDGE she has gained of his true character....knowledge she would have NEVER got if she had confronted early on.

And don't forget....she is dealing with a very deceptive man, an attorney at that. That kind of man is likely to be dangerous when it comes to confrontation and divorce. She has sought and is applying legal counsel.

Anne, emailing you now.

chrisner #2429032 09/22/10 12:43 PM
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Originally Posted by chrisner
I have never detected in Anne a fearful, fogged out betrayed spouse. Indeed I think she has shown a lot of courage and intelligence given her situation.

This is my assessment of Anne as well. She is not paralyzed by fear...she has opted to be calculating and align things for her benefit before she exposes to this WH of hers.

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Originally Posted by SapphireReturns
Originally Posted by chrisner
Well, maybe an apology?


NO apology.

Good luck on the baby is all I have to say.

Okay. I guess that says it all.

1,300 posts in 4 months since your registration? I think Pep gently mentioned to you a couple weeks ago on another thread that you may still be too fresh in your own recovery to be throwing out this much advice. Please think about that.

Last edited by chrisner; 09/22/10 01:20 PM.

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You have some really great support here snoopy. Don't throw it away because one poster decides to badger you.

SR - I'm sure you think you are helping, but you have alot to learn about communicating with compassion. Just because somebody doesn't do what you are advising them to do it doesn't mean that you have to start being cruel. You are out of line here. Several other posters obviously feel the same way. Time for you to move on from Anne's thread.....

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