Im taking lacmetatol but what are you basing your bet on? Is it because I am talking about past issues? Is it because of the content?
Well this really isn't what the forum is for anyways. To figure out "my" problems. It is to help people mend marriages. I thank you all for listening to me ramble about the past. I enjoy the outlooks in the forum and really believe in the Harleys.

The medication dosage was elevated last year about this time at my request when my psychiatrist, (who I have been seeing since 2004), found out that my wife had developed cancer and that it was terminal.
My late wife reluctantly saw my psychiatrist when the doctor that was seeing her dropped her. My wife needed medication and I had great hopes that the psychiatrist I was seeing would be able to help her get in therapy. My wife was the one in the family who wouldn't seek advice and was running away from reality for a couple years. If she didn't get caught up with drugs I think she would be alive today. The Dr cared for her too. She is a woman Dr. BTW if that makes a differance. I was hoping it would to my wife.

I see a therapist every week, my children every day, all of my freinds think I am doing as well as can be expected considering how close our family was and the length of our marriage (26 yrs). As a matter of fact they still respect me and think I am doing well. My friends from church and the Pastors whom i have been in contact with think I am OK. My Children have known that I was diagnosed with Bi-polar and have been aware of my medication. They feel that I am doing alright.

I have known most of my life that i had mood swings. Trying to operate outside from that fact only makes the circumstances worse. Ussually if my life has no great drama like an abusive father or some other emergency that is threatening like a wife in distress or family losing thier home or other stupid tradgedy that could gave been avoided I function fine. It has allways been when outrageous stress has been present that the mood swings get real painful. I say painful because I like things to go smooth without rollercoaster ups and downs of senseless drama. I have allways tried to think things through before letting stress get the best of me and have counseled the same to others. I assure you that I am seeing the doctor and that am taking responsibility for myself.
If you guys only knew, If it wasn't for my children and Grandaughter I would have fallen into even a worse depression in the last 6 months.

I have a problem with the bi-polar being what everyone points to. Its like everyone thinks that they have no problems that would or could get worse in really bad circumstances should they encounter them. I can tell you that everyone has a breaking point. What is crazy is for people to deny that. I didn't expect that my wife would die. I expected that she was going to hit rock bottom and start to take care of herself I found out this time last year that she had terminal cancer. She died in May, I am sure that anyone with a propensity for depression who had to deal with this would get a little depressed. But things are getting better Unfortunatly though Bi-polar disorder can drive the affected person to believe that they are allright and the world is against them. It can be highly dangerous to not have help for them.
I have found the love and counsel from Family and friends to be the best medicine for me. Thank God I have them.
To be balanced though I have to say that both are nessesary.

You sound remarkably well adjusted to me. I wish more men were as introspective and serious about life and love as you.

Thx Catperson. Flattery will get you everywhere lol

Hi sortingitout...

I am basing my opinion/bet on a few things...Years of reading much of the same type writings from my father...The fact that you are choosing to post on a board called "Surviving An Affair" about topics that thus far aren't germane to the subject matter within...the fact that the stuff you are posting seems to "ramble" quite a bit, without actually making a point - spinning off on tangents that never seem to gel/"wrap up" - I apologize if that sounds incredibly disrespectful, I'm not sure how else to word it...there are a few "phrases" or "ideas" that you've posted that ring a very familiar bell to me - stuff that people that haven't dealt with someone in a Bipolar cycle would recognize - it's kinda like what the Supreme Court said regarding the definition of pornography - I just know it when I see it...and I do not "pigeon hole" people with Bipolar Disorder - I read lurioosi's posts (and others) all the time and I do not detect any of the same things in her (their) posts that I do in yours...

From my understanding of the drug Lamactil, it is not used to treat acute mania, but rather to prolong the time between mood swings/episodes...Isn't there something else you take for manic or hypomanic episodes?

I certainly understand being depressed after a major life blow, and I am sorry for your loss...It is not the depression that I am "hearing" in your posts though - it is mania that I am detecting...Again, I do apologize if my posts are coming off as disrespectful, that is not my intent...What do you think about printing off your posts for your doctor to evaluate?

I do commend you for not only seeing a psychiatrist, but also a therapist on a regular basis...I believe both are critical...

Mrs. W

P.S. It doesn't matter to me one bit if your doctor is male or female...What would matter to ME is how much experience they have had in treating Bipolar Disorder specifically...That is a very cunning illness and I watched my father fool far more than his fair share of "professionals" in that field...To me, Bipolar Disorder commands someone that has more than just "book learning" under their belt...

Ah yes well I originally was going to talk about the affair my wife had and how it hurt me. I was going to ask about what to do to recover. I have been beating around the bush in revealing a lot of my wifes past mistakes because shes gone now and I still feel guilty even though her drug issues were her choice. I saw her hit rock bottom before and pull it together and I guess the shock of her not getting it together this time and passing away really has knocked me for a loop.

For as long as I have known her I have been waiting to get to a place of total honesty and trust. There is no way that can happen now like I dreamed. I have to get over it

So thats why I posted here


Did your father talk about issues for years or cover them up and try to endure? Me? I even let my wife openly blame me for her problems to the children to try to keep peace while I talked to nobody. I have brought this stuff up here because I wanted the opinion of you people who really care about relationship.


Maybe what you see as "my fathers writings" that could have been over a period of time and some of my writing style about past events sound familiar. I am not offended at all I am not saying I don't have some bi-polar disorder. The Dr. said she thought it was a mild case. But lets go into this so once and for all we can all agree that I am being treated correctly for it.
When my wife said she was leaving in 2003 I wanted to do anything to save our marriage. She had recently revealed to me that she had been hiding a herion addiction for the past two years. I was working full time and studing nights to get a better job when I got hurt and couldn't work. We lost that place to live and had just moved into another when she anounced this to me. My daughter (18), had decided to move out the night before when she heard that news about how Mom had found "A new guy".
Well I had been taking the blame for most every problem for years. So I said if I was the problem I would go to a Dr. again. I had allready went before. I allways went to doctors if I thoght there were problems. I was not afraid of the truth so why not?
Well this time she was leaving and after years of lost jobs and self-respect it was the most devestating experiance to me. I never thought that our family would be destroyed. We had been through so much together.
I knew the cycle that Mom had gone around in before and she was entertaining that "rebelious wild thing" that she would jump into once in a while. I knew though that i needed help to deal with this so I went to a very prominant and active facility in the small city we lived. I had hoped she would talk to someone about her problem but .. she wouldn't be honest with "those people" as she called them anyways.
I talked to the doctors and was honest about everything they asked. My childhood and feelings. He said that I had bipolar and that he felt that my intellegence and moral character had helped me to survive and even thrive in most of my life.
The Doctor at that time gave me lithium and well that stuff knocked me out. He then gave me lacmetatol and was satisfied with the results. I continued seeing him until our family went homeless and we all moved to a different city. When my health got better and I got work again I started taking the medication again and got my kids back into a house. I continued to seek counseling and taking medication.
One point to see here is that as time went on I learned to accept the fragmenting of my family, along with the realization that it wasn't all my fault. My symptoms got better and the dosage was lessened. The truth was working to help me. I was going to be OK.
Eventually my wife got the treatment she needed and when the new boyfriend was tired of her she came home. She fought to get her head back on straight and she was doing real well when she got lung cancer. I never stopped going to the Drs and seeking counsel or taking medication.
.


I can gaurantee you I am not trying to fool anybody. I have been honest with every relationship including the Doctors but I am glad to hear that someone who has had experience in this is here.
I have seen more than this one Dr. and they seem to have the proper degrees on the walls that would suggest they knew what they were doing. I sought them out for help because I thoght something I was doing wrong was driving my now late wife to want to dissapear on drinking binges. I got her into many dry-out clinics that when we talked to the drs., they said she had emotional issues and might need medication. She refused to admit that she did. She liked to blame it on everything else.

But you see that wasn't allways the case. She wasn't allways drinking and living in total denial. There were so many stages and times of her sickness and I decided not to try to write about them because it probably can't be accurately expressed.

Believe me I have dealt with "crazy people" my whole life and I know that we all can fall into wrong thinking if we don't keep it real. I believe also that it is because I seek help that I will find it. The Drs. are qualified. I don't look for one that fits my ideas. I do ask them what they are talking about though.

So I am trying now to pick my life up off the ground. I am physically disabled and that time when my wife would be healthy again has gone by. She died at home attended by her family and fellow church-members and we had put past problems behind us.
The point of posting here is that I know I suffered from my wifes affair with alcohol and drugs. I need to separate the truth from the fairytales. I want to take the blame for what I did or didn't do. I really already know. Its just painful to watch someone get so messed up from drugs. When she stayed away from drinking she was insecure but most of the time happy and a blessing to be around. Dr Harley made a comment about how relationships cannot be worked on untill the drug abuse issues are dealt with. I have seen my late wife have an opportunnity to seek mental health when she controlled her drinking. She was sober most of ten years before she relapsed. During that time she refused to admit she was an alcoholic. She was in a state of "dry drunk" as they say. During those ten years she dissapeared to her home state a couple times and fell off the wagon. She came back sorry and we got her well and covered it up and put it behind us. The issues she would not face about herself were still present and it was only a matter of time before she would fall again. Her pain in her life as a child was both the reason and excuse for her drinking problem. She was a far better person than either her parents or siblings but wasn't happy with something. Allways something undefined.

There was a period of two years that I left and it took her 6 months to see why. Then when she realized why she started to work on herself. After we got back together it was 13 years till she fell into substance abuse hard again. In the beginning of that reconciliation I felt that it was a matter of time before we would get it all worked out. I allways saw her as the woman I knew she was. Talented intellegent, Kind and thoughtful and someone who had hope for anyone. I built her up in the truth but never allowed alcohol to be part of our lives. I did that for the Kids and My wife thanked me many times for my convictions. I thought 'Eventually she will seek help for this or her Pastor would step in if she got too bad". I don't want to start in on that angle though.

I know again that the subjects seem to jump around a lot but i want to be sure i am clear about so much. I think I stated that in my first post here.
I also post here because because I have covered up Moms problems for so long thier is nobody to talk to. My Children don't need to hear this stuff. They allready lived some of it. I go to alanon but feel the need to talk more.
I hope that what I said makes sense to you and i thank you for your time in responding

sortingitout,

The very best and kindest advice that I can give you regarding personal recovery is...

1. print out your posts from here

2. take them to your psychiatrist and therapist

3. tell them what the purpose of this board is

4. ask them what they think about you/mania

Good Luck...

Mrs. W

Thanx Mrs wondering.

I am here because I wanted to confirm that I did the best I could to save my wife and my marriage. I realize that this forum is for people who are still actively seeking to build thier marriage and/or help others. I get the feeling that you don't think I am seeking counsel with a therapist or taking my condition seriuosly. Thats Ok. I am confident that I am.
I also want to help people if I am able to not make the same mistakes of isolation that I did.
I would like to hear from others if they think I am not helping in the forum with my posts.
If i am harming anyone or thier efforts to build strong relationships I will stop posting and just browse from now on.

I am also reaching out within a community that has some wisdom in relationships too.

Please comment yay or nay

sortingitout,

I think you've misunderstood me, or perhaps I haven't expressed myself well enough...I'm certainly not telling you that you don't have a place here...I am voicing concern for you and I am urging you to schedule an appointment with your doctor to discuss the possibility of a manic or hypomanic episode and treatment for such...Because I KNOW firsthand what happens if mania is left to run it's own course, and I don't want that for you and your family...Also, you've told me more than once that you have a "mild case"...I wonder if you are aware that Bipolar Disorder is something that worsens with age? Yet another thing to discuss with your doctor, imo...You've been through a lot recently, SIO, things like that can tend to "upset the apple cart"...Please take care of yourself - I KNOW that you think you are, but I'd just like to point out that often the disorder itself can lead you to draw false conclusions where your own care is concerned, ya know? I'm just hoping that you get all the bases covered...that's all...

Mrs. W

Good advice Mrs_Wondering and totally sound . Thank you. I will talk to my doctor again this month and I see my therapist weekly.
I realize I write these long.g.g.g.g. posts and get very detail oriented so my apologys. I have been using this place to unload.
I mean it tho that if for any reason my posting causes others to have problems I will take a back seat.
Don't hesitate to let me know. I trust the people here

Copied this from another thread.

Absolutly agree that all these issues were present in my wife life at at varied times and at different strengths and hurt our marriage.
Hell it hurt her ability to function normally.
Great post.
Just something for the male "hero" type to think about before he tries to save the "damsel in distress".
Or for The "Florance Nightengale" types also before they reach out with too much "comfort and compassion"

To be fair tho some of the issues that were in the past in someones life like Dysfunctioal parents can only really be dealt with by individuals. I see things in this that had happened to me also. I think that this is a list of seruios problems that need/needed to be dealt with for anyone before they take on any relationship that requires commitment.

Good list of things that anyone should look over even for themselves. Examine whether they see themselves there anywhere and review whether they have dealt with everything so it can truly be in the past.

There were two times that she broke up with other men. Her first husband (a Christian) and her lover (2003).

Why did they break up? Does her xH know that she has passed away?

Im sorry imagine,
If you go to the beginning of this thread you might get a better understanding of why I posted here. My Late wife's and my story are scattered around in posts on this site. If you don't understand the story after reading this thread though and running a search on my posts. I would be glad to explain more.

To check my posts left click my name in blue at the left side of the body of my post to get there quick.

TTYL

Things have been made much clearer since I started reading and posting here. My main reason for coming here was to sort out my emotions as they are related to guilt. I have been reassured that I made mistakes and that I reacted for the most part out of my isolation and emotions.
I cannot change the past but I can learn from it. I can share with others what I have learned when it will help, a word in season.
I will continue to read here and post when I believe it will help. Thank you all for being here

I am now a Member instead of a junior member Grats me

Wow, read through some of my posts and see how far I have come in this, um, adjustment to loss shall I call it?

I am glad for this place because I don't have to be alone anymore and most of all, its totally free with people here that hold similar values in relationships and mental/spiritual health. Its like an extended family for me, and picked up where my church left off, but has also solidified my belief that I will be fine alone, with Gods guidance and nature at the helm.


Someday I will not post as much, or spend as much time here, but I will allways check in, and support ppl where I can. Its an obviuos healthy transition, as it would be for anyone, but Thank God for this forums existance and Dr Hs wisdom in creating it. I don't want to think where I would be without it. Its a grounding place for me. We all need that.

So on this Thankgiving weekend, I am giving thanks to all of you, the vets and the troubled members both, and FOR all of you, because knowing you, and learning also I am not so different after all, reminds me we are all part of the family of man.

The process of personal recovery, or shall I call it lifes plan B for me, has forced me to a place I would not have gone willingly by myself, alone with no wife to share life with, or in some ways, to serve.

Its OK, I allways knew it was unbalanced, but I did not fight for myself enough I guess, or I was waiting for God to step in to balance things out. I allways had a hero complex, and sacrificed myself for what I thought was the greater good, but thats crap, if you don't stand up for yourself.

So I got what I asked for, a beautiful woman whom I could love, and doing my half, see past her problems and issues and be a source of reality and strength. Not because she did not bring into my life meaning and definition also, because she did, and at times it was like we were made for each other, when our hearts reached out to help others, protect the weak or fearful, and gave all we had expecting a good end.

Recently the question has been posed to me, "Do you think that maybe with all of her issues, and her complxity, you did love and give her a good life, and as much or more than she would have gotten anywhere?" I really have to say no, and hope it could have been better somewhere, or with someone else who was stronger than I, and would have forced treatment, took the children if nessesary, and she had respected.

I at one time believed that for her, when I originally left, because she had great respect for Christian principles and was well aquianted with a colledge. I encouraged her to seek a man she respected from the bevy of Pastors and belivers who admired her also. I felt they would help her, if she would let them, and I was lost in the jargon that to me she used as an excuse at the time for her behavior.

But no man stepped up and took on her demons with her, and the ones that approached her she rejected, and waited for me to come back. She never understood the pain she dealt me, and i don't think she understood the effects it would have on her children all thier lives.

In my mind, if she had only known, she would never had went that road. In the end, when she was so sick because of her own stubborness and pride/pain, I don't think she would have ever got over the guilt. Guilt now that I struggle with, because there is no escaping the effects on the children, and I will constantly be dealing with the fear her legacy left them, and be here for the rest of my life, prepared to help them understand when times arise when they have questions.

I know her heart, it was never to see her children suffer like she did, and what she feared most came upon her. I will honor the women she was that I loved, and still am in love with. as I work on my plan B.

Being seperated from the drama.

Getting my life back and taking charge of what I can change.

Learning that love starts when we learn to care for ourselves first, so we can care for others the same way, and that takes guts and strength, and the peace that comes from somewhere outside our own experiences and wisdom, and the people that represent God and his nature, many of them here.

God Bless YOU !

Just popping in CConstant to say thank you for all your posts and have a GREAT thanksgiving weeekend

Thanks guys, it really means alot.

Something Mel said gave me strength. It was about triggers, and I remember how much our enviroment effects us.


I am moving soon. When we moved in here, my sons and I, before my daughter came here and my WW came her e also, it was only a place to help my wife recover from her addiction and supposed to be temporary.

Being here 5 years now, and with her passing 1 1/2 years ago. It has been a place for all our recovery really. We rent, there is no attachment to this place, and all it has is sad memories from the start.

I wanted to be strong enough to buy the house, to fight all the emotions attached to it, to honor my wife as the children did with owning the last place she lived. This is foolish emotionalism, and we need a bigger place, with better living options. Its just a house, but staying here makes no sense.


Going out to my car to go to the store it occured to me its OK, this will be better for the children, and the memories of this place can be left behind. Its not like other places we lived, where there were good times.

Thanks for reminding me about triggers Mel, and avoiding the painful past. This place rocks