Hi everyone.

I posted this Q about LOE on my post, but thought others might benefit from answer also.

I want to expose A to OW family(mother only. her bro helped them hide it) but only have address no phone number. Her mother is 72 and just lost her alocoholic husband 2 weeks ago.

Is there a sample letter out there I could follow?

I'm sure it is not alright to send anonymously as that would just constitute hearsay, and OW would just deny when confronted, saying someone is jealous or vindictive.However I must state that OW brother is an alcoholic who has been in jail for beating someone up and can become very violent.There are also others that the OW is friends with who are shady in character(helped hide the A),vindictive and violent, drink & drug. Alcoholics/Addicts do tend to band together, especially when they feel one of their own has been wronged. That scares me since my two teens are home alone at night while I am at work.

I am not interested in a legal letter to expose to WH/OW workplace, just a simple "HERE'S THE FACTS AND YOU SHOULD BE MADE AWARE OF THEM" type letter to expose OW to HER family.

Just spoke to friend who just told me OW mother beleives that my HW is in divorce procedings and seperated for a while! I NEED that letter to expose, NOW!

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

Here is the letter I am proposing to send to OW mother.

Let me know what you think, or how to refrase/fix it.






Dear mother of OW,

Let me begin by telling you this is not an easy letter to write given your current situation.

As you may or may not be aware, your daughter, OW, is currently in a romantic relationship with WH.

As you may or may not know, WH is currently still very much married and legally bound to his wife of 18 years. WH and wife have two sons and are not at this time in the stages of divorce.

This relationship with a married man can only cause
heartache and hurt to all parties involved.

Have you considered being totally straight with her and sending her a basic exposure letter?

Dear OW's Mother,

It grieves me to have to write this letter, but for the safety of my marriage I am writing to tell you that your Skanky Ho daughter has been having an adulterous relationship with my WH for the past however many months .

I love my BH and my 18 year marriage. On behalf of my marriage and my two sons who need their father to remain in his family home, I am asking for your support in helping me to end this affair.

Sign your name.

That is a great letter. If I can talk myself into sending a signed letter THAT is the one I will use.

However, like I said above, the skank ho will turn around with the blame game to her scary friends (when I say scary I mean ALMOST HELLS ANGEL's like-that type of character. I could end up with breaks cut, my house burned down, one of them even ran a guy off the road & into the hospital because of some rediculous misunderstanding!). These people are the lowest of life that my husband has befriended and I am really afraid for my life & the life of my kids if I cross them. So I don't know about a basic exposure letter.

I know the OW mother does go to church weekly, bible study and professess to be a christian woman.

I live in a very rural area, farm country. We don't have many neigbors close by and our community is staffed by ONE policeman who works "whenever". The nearest town with on staff police is about 10-15 miles away, so calling the police if something were to happen is a good idea in theory just not doable where I live.

I will have to think it over. She MUST be exposed, the question is how?

If you are going to operate from a position of fear, there is no exposure that will really help. Anonymous letters are easily dismissed.

If your concerns about these creeps are legitimate, you need to seek legal counsel immediately. Your children should not have unsupervised time with their father in a dangerous environment.

You are right about being fearful. I will send a signed letter. Mother of OW may or may not do anything about it. My IL don't want involved. They could care less about what their son is doing, especially to their grandchildren. No wonder he has problems, look at the source.

I have another meeting with attorney scheduled for the 30th to discuss upcomming CS hearing on the 6th.I will discuss unsupervised visits then. Already planning on no alcohol and no overnight female guests during visits. A friend suggested have a home inspection also, I think I will opt for that also.

Is it possible to have her "banned" so to speak from being around my child? This OW has a mouth like a sailor. Every other word is f*%k! And when she's drunk it's even worse. Plus the fact that she thinks what she did(move another man's wife into her & her kids lives) is okay and HER kids are okay with it, total lack of moral standards. I don't want my child exposed to that.

I perfer NO visits at all if it were up to me, but court will not allow that in my state, especially if CS is being paid. My WH would have to be or been in prison or for that to occur.

When the letter is sent and exposure occurs, I am POSITIVE OW will call me. When she calls, any good retorts to give? Something along the lines of "But OW, you don't want a relationship with WH based on lies, do you?", or "OW,it may not be my place to tell your mother, but was it your place to have sex with another womans husband?"

Mitzi,
What I'm going to try to say probably will come out wrong, but I would like to ask a clarifying question for myself, and hope in doing so you see you own situation more clearly.

What, in your opinion, is the best, the optimum, resolution you can see from your current position - recovery, or dissolution, of your marriage?

To recap, your husband has effectively abandoned you for a foul-mouthed, morally corrupt skank whose circle of acquaintances exhibit behavior, by your testimony, which borders on criminal activity.

Given his preference on inhabiting that world, why would you waste any time in writing, signing, posting, or having delivered a letter of exposure, the primary purpose of which is to throw light on a concealed affair in the hope of driving the illicit lovers apart? The odds are extremely high, that "Mommy", in spite of her alleged church attendance, is fully aware that her "baby" is going heels-up for a married man.

Would your time not better be spent putting together your evidence and story (including dates and incidents of his infidelity, as best you can) in preparation for the most likely best path open to you, that of finally, after these three years, divorcing his sorry [censored]? If nothing else, you letter has the possibility of inciting both him and skank-ho to some form of irrational retaliation.

I understand completely what you are saying. I am confused I guess.

I don't really know what I want at this point.

I know he is toxic for my soul right now, that much I do know.

I know he is toxic for my children right now.

I know, depite what he has done to me and this family, I STILL love him.

I cant look at him without wanting to scream and yell at him yet hug him at the same time.

I know, part of me deep down inside wants him to beg me to come back, be sorry and remorseful only so I can tell him to go to h3ll.

I know the 'right' thing to do is let him go. It is hard. I want him to hurt like I do, but he won't.

I took the advice on here and went on meds last week. I'm feeling a little less depressed and not crying nearly half as much as I was. I know they take a while to start working, but I am feeling emotionally better.

Thanks everyone.
mitzie

If I may, I'd like to offer you a tool to help you separate the tangled things you are dealing with, because it might make your choices clearer.

Here's what you say you know:
- I know he is toxic for my soul
- I know he is toxic for my children
- I know (I want) him to beg me to come back, be sorry and remorseful only so I can tell him to go to h3ll
- I know the 'right' thing to do is let him go
- I know I STILL love him

What you can't tell us, because not even you any longer believe it, is that you know that he still loves you.

Here are some things you did not mention:
- You know a marriage needs two willing souls, Mitzie.
- You know recovery from a situation that you are in is difficult and demands full commitment by both parties.
- Deep down, do you also know that that commitment will not be forthcoming from him?

From out here, Mitzie, it seems that your best course is to decide on, and aim for, that optimum resolution I mentioned in my first posting.

Have you sent a letter yet?

In my really quiet moments when I let my mind wonder through the memories...so many happy memories.Most of those memories involve me & the boys.In those quiet moments I think how could a man not take ANYTHING good away from our life? What kind of human being is he to leave such a good, sure thing? I guess when you have a negative attitude then everything is negative around you.

After seeing him today I don't think he's comming back.They bought a sofa bed so they can sleep together in the livingroom(while her kids are upstairs-yuck). He's been taking clothes out of the house little by litte. I haven't washed his clothes in over a month(told him let the GF do it)so he washes then takes them, where I don't know, Not to her house because SHE doesn't even have a closet, puts her clothes in kids rooms.

I have much more to write about. I'm too exhausted. I think I'll post on my thread tomorrow. night all.