SC, I think you're kids won't stay atheist for ever. They were raised with a strong Christian faith, right? Keep praying, I bet one by one they return in their time, interpreting their life experiences as they go - ultimately coming to conclusions based on their core upbringing.

I have a personal story that goes along with the above but it's a little boring - suffice to say my cousin prayed for me daily for years, never told me about it, but when I returned to the church 2 years ago he knew God had worked in my life.

Opt

Wow, just wow.

While I will certainly give you WW style points for her eloquence, that's the biggest pile of justifcation/rationalization fog vommit that I've ever read.

Her actions could not be reconciled with her beliefs or God's moral code, so she ditches God and makes up her own as she goes?

Guys,

thanks for all the inputs, helps to know I'm not alone in this nightmare....... not that I'm glad you here suffering too.

MJ, that line about your WH saying he hates it when you don't believe him when he tells you the truth, I love.

Like your suppose to be clairvoyant enough to know when he's telling the truth and when he's lying so you only get pissed when your supposes to.

Waywards, what can you do with them........


D them of course!!!!

( I am 4 years into this mess at this point so that, save the marriage part I'm over.)



On to more pleasant thoughts.

Spent some time with a fellow worker that finished his D about 5 years ago, He had some excellent points about where I am right now and some things I should be doing. It's always good to be able to bounce things off someone else.

Biggest pointer that he gave me was the fixed portion of my retirement that the WW gets (bless her heart) can be used to off set her alimony. It is income she can access now and would go towards her monthly living expenses, That could make a significant difference in what I might be forced to pay.

This retirement money I can not access until I retire, the WW could start drawing it immediately, although with a penalty, so it is her choice to use it or not, the key is it is available to her. I would be able to use the penalized amount towards her alimony, and if the lawyer was right about how much I might be expected to pay I would already be 2/3's there on what I have to come up with.

I plan to get a vocational expert to testify to the WW's earning potential if she were actually working at her business. and that, with her behavior, plus what she is walking with might just leave me right where I want to be which is ZERO dollars to her in alimony.

OK OK..... I know that quote will come back to haunt me later,

But I do have a right to dream.

Mr. Wondering,

I was working with a guy on my last trip that had gone through his D about 5 years ago. He had an interesting approach to the alimony demands from my WW.

I have a pension (frozen since my company went through a bankruptcy some years ago) My WW is going to get half of it.

My friend said his lawyer in Calf. was able to have his pension income imputed against his EX's alimony award.

Because the Ex could access her side of the pension immediately after the D if she chose to, they we're able to impute the potential income from the pension, against the alimony award.

The logic as I understand it is that the pension income is not available to me because I have to retire to receive it. Because my WW is able to access her side of the pension and that income is not available to me, I am able to impute that income and offset the amount of the alimony award by that amount.

My friend's divorce was in Calf., I'm in Tennessee, I have done a google search for cases that have that type of award in it but have not found an example of one yet. All the examples I saw were related imputing pension income against child support awards.


This has the potential to be HUGE for me providing a great deal of relief from the amount of alimony I have to pay monthly.


My Questions are.......

Does this ring true to you???

Do you know of any legal presidents I can use to help make my case??

Any other Ideas about it????

Thanks for your input.

SC

No idea. I'm not a divorce lawyer and this is a pretty specific alimony question.

If I was sitting on a stack of time I'd maybe try to find an answer for you. It MAY be easy or it may be unanswerable (which means you research like heck only to finally ascertain that it doesn't appear your state has an answer on the issue).

It DOES make sense. It's not a strict wash since SHE can draw it NOW but you can't access it until later. My best bet is that it will come down to whatever the judge thinks. STBXW would be wise to indicate strongly that she has NO intention of taking early distributions. Hopefully, the judge will disregard such argument and this may be one of those instances where being the wayward spouse (even in a no fault state) will come back to bite her. Judge will hopefully take your side because he/she wants to and you've given him a "legal" means of shafting the adulterous spouse.

Having the law on your side is no way near as beneficial as having the judge on your side.

Good luck,

Mr. W

edit to add: it may also come down to your states and this judges view of alimony. Sometimes it's seen as equaling out of the property settlement (thus you each are eventually getting the same pension benefit so it's a wash and irrelevant to alimony) and other times alimony is seen as giving the lower income and often the previous stay at home spouse a leg up for a few years to get themselves acclimated and working to their potentials. It's interesting to me ...but not my specialty.

Mr. Wondering,

Thanks for taking the time to chime in on my thread, it will be interesting how to see how it all turns out. I'll have to post the end result of this but don't hold your breath, I'm months away from court.

SC

3/16/10 is when your signature says the divorce was filed and you registered here in 2008...

you've been at this battle a looooooong time.

Godspeed,

Mr. W

MrW, SC is NOT in a no-fault state. TN is one of the few states where adultery is still allowed as grounds for divorce. I am also in TN, and in my divorce, my WstbXH had not yet had sex with the OW, so I used "Inappropriate Marital Conduct" as grounds. He has since had sex with her and I have proof, but there has not been a good enough reason to modify the grounds.

If SC has good evidence about her adultery (and I think he has mentioned having emails, etc.) then he may be able to have her actions taken into account when setting alimony. From what I have read, and what my attorney has told me, if the marital estate is fairly large, the division tends to be pretty close to 50/50, even where one spouse has clearly caused the divorce.

SC, in my situation, my husband's 401K was just added to the list of marital assets. Do you have a military pension? If your attorney does not have much experience with your type of pension you should ask him if he is open to a consultation with someone who is more knowledgeable. Maybe a military lawyer?

Kirby,

I was WAY TO SMART to have stayed in the reserves and got my military retirement.......

At the time it seemed a wise choice to commit the time to the family, especially since my employer had a industry leading pension

22 years later and post company bankruptcy, the pension is worth about 30% of what is was projected to be and is now frozen,(and now I get half of that) and I'm way to old to go back in and finish my military time.

Just another one of my WISE decisions...... actually I don't regret the commitment to the family, I have a great relationship with my kids, and they know their dad loves them.

I meet with my lawyer tomorrow, and will talk the pension thru some, and I'll see if I can set up a consultation with that Atty in Calf. I've spent most of the weekend looking on line for something in Tennessee law about imputing my pension income and haven't found a thing.

The PI that has the WW's laptop and is doing the forensic work on it has had it for over 2 weeks and has going quite on me not returning my calls..... so I'm a little worried right now.

I would prefer to use the info right off her computer. I'll just have to wait and see. 2k ought to produce something....... I've just got to keep the faith

SC, I know lots of women who would be thrilled to have a husband who was committed to the family. I think you made a good decision, and it's wonderful that you have such a good relationship with your kids. That's more important than money.

Good luck with the computer expert.

Not to much profound to say,

Had my meeting with my lawyer, He doesn't think I have a prayer of counting my pension against the WW's alimony.

Talked with the PI working on the computer forensic work, he said they have not found anything juicy yet.

I go back to lawyer next Monday with computer stuff/ emails and videos to complete the package to send to the dark side.

Then I get to run-away by going back to work for a 10 day trip.

Not having the best of days, I've spent hours reading through court opinions, hoping to find something supporting my position on my pension account. As I read more, I find that I'm in the minority, that most cases that are referenced involve infidelity on the husband's part, most involve child support, and None have what I'm looking for.

The part that depresses me the most is the court's obsession with the economically disadvantaged spouse being protected, that their lifestyle not be effected if possible. Long discourses on how to accomplish this are made. To include the obligatory spouse (that would be me) paying alimony for the rest of there lives, that it should be adjusted higher if I should happen to improve my earnings, that my potential future earnings should be considered and, if necessary, a redistribution of wealth be made.

So, my worst case scenario is after splitting our assets, including my retirement 50/50, I have to give the WW half of my income to keep her comfortable, she in the meantime is free to earn what she pleases easily finding herself is a better position than me financially, and if I start to dig out of my hole she can ask the court reevaluate my assets and take more of them.

I know it's not going to be that bad, I'm just ranting.

The WW is doing some things that are to my advantage and when we go to court, that I hope the court will recognize them. I know it is not all hopeless, it just seems that way for me sometimes.

Hey SC,

Sorry you're having some difficult days.

I understand your resistance to not wanting to pay your wayward wife alimony. Unfortunately, the courts rarely care if someone is wayward or not. They try to equalize the assets and debts, not realizing you cannot equalize the destruction to finances and lives caused by the waywards. The waywards just keep "winning", to quote the wayward Charlie Sheen.

It is surprising to me that the courts would consider taking any future higher earnings of yours, and distribute that to your stbx wife as well. It seems unlikely to me, but I wonder if this is only in cases where there is permanent alimony?

In my state, Florida, the statutes states (paraphrasing) that they try to sustain the "current" living standards, and not the furture standards you may be able to provide later.

What state are you in? (You do not have to answer that of course.)

The Great state of Tennessee


I think my only hope is that my WW is a serial cheater, that coupled with her intentional underemployment I hope will sink her in court.......... time will tell

Ok, so you can file for fault in Tennessee, correct? If so, then I do hope that the proof you have will help your case.

If your wife is not working around 40 hours a week, is she doing anything else to further her career in any way?

MyJ,

I have filed for fault, adultery , and yes I have proof, plenty of it. The real problem is the courts really consider adultery an after thought in the D process. The marital assets are 50/50.

Alimony is figured on about 14 factors, the primary is the disadvantaged spouse (my WW) need and my ability to pay.

Way way way down the list at the bottom is fault.

So my focus has to be proving my WW's intentional underemployment and her earning potential.

I also hope that the fact that my WW is a serial cheater will play to my favor. Time and the judge will tell on that one.


The WW is a massage therapist, has her own business but is working less than 30 hrs a month at it and has not hired replacement therapist as they have quit over the past year. She had 4 and now is down to just her.

The WW answer to getting on her feet is she has enrolled in the only web based 4 year law school in the country at 1k a month. She started it in January. Has paid for it so far from a birthday gift from her parents.

SC, I hope the judge is reasonable. If your WW had a business with 4 employees and has neglected it so that it is no longer profitable, she needs to go back to working on her business.

And, IMO, online law school at age 50 is just plain goofy.

Yep,

I have to agree and when she get the degree the only place she can practice is in CA. for 5 years I think, might be 10, before she can go else where in the country, The POSOM lives in CA with his wife, so this all fits into the WW plan somehow in that crazy place they go in their minds.

And by the way it's mid night why arnt you in bed......

I am in bed. I'm just still awake. It's called the divorce sleep schedule.

Well, I'm given it up.

meet with the lawyer tomorrow to finalize the discovery package.

Then the WW get to see the video for the 1st time. That ought to shake things up in fantasy land.

Later.....

SC, I read through your story the last two days, finished reading late last night, after this last comment by you.

Just wanted to say I hope the news is good for you today, you deserve some.