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Joined: Apr 2010
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slander? even if it is true?

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Let's put it this way: Are you planning on lying in any form or fashion?


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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slander, by definition, is false.

If she wants to sue you, tell her bring it on.

Sworn testimony is a nice thing.

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I was just going to send her email apology and admittance to me to every one of her facebook friends. It's something she wrote herself. I've never responded back.

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bump - looks like a new wave of exposure needs to happen

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Originally Posted By: kstockett
I was just going to send her email apology and admittance to me to every one of her facebook friends. It's something she wrote herself. I've never responded back.


Why apologise if you said the truth?

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So what about exposure when his family are not moral and would support him wanting to "be happy" ?

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Originally Posted By: trn
So what about exposure when his family are not moral and would support him wanting to "be happy" ?


That is the typical response of about half of all exposure targets. But you don't have any control over that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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In my opinion, there is no sense in exposing to people who will just back the WH. Its humiliating to me and justifies his actions. And if I exposed to my family, they would never support our marriage again so I don't think exposure is something I can do.

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Originally Posted By: trn
In my opinion, there is no sense in exposing to people who will just back the WH. Its humiliating to me and justifies his actions. And if I exposed to my family, they would never support our marriage again so I don't think exposure is something I can do.


That would be a strategic mistake. First off, you don't know who will or won't back the WH until you expose. And secondly, even if folks do back his adultery, he is still placed in a position to defend himself, which causes conflict in the affair. It still has the effect of a cold splash of reality. So it doesn't matter if the exposure target supports your marriage or the affair, it still serves the purpose of bringing the affair into the sunlight. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so it is effective regardless of the attitude of your target.

Secondly, you should especially expose to your family so they can support YOU. That is what counts.

If you are serious about recovering your marriage, this is a step you can't afford to skip. It is the most potent weapon against the affair and the first step towards recovery.

So yes, you can expose if you are serious about saving your marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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ITA, ML.

Exposure is absolutely necessary. And they WILL support your marriage should the WH go BACK to you under all necessary MB conditions. They will lose respect, sure, but it can be gained back.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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trn,

No....you MUST expose!

I waffled too...afraid of the repurcussions...afraid of what W's family's reaction would be.

You know what I found out? DESPITE them knowing that we had issues in our marriage NOT ONE OF THEM approved adultery as a course of action, as a way to 'fix' the marriage.

Frankly, one of my W's uncles -- one who has never been too fond of me -- was ADAMANT about her ending the affair FIRST, THEN work on fixing the marriage...or not.

Point is, even HE knew it was wrong of her, and could not excuse it, no matter what his feelings toward me or the condition of our marriage pre-a was.

Expose.

It works.

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trn, the whole point to absolute, nuclear, exposure is to eliminate any refuge the WS might want to find, and to discover heretofore unknown allies in your fight.

Think of this: It might be...convenient...for WH's mother to be disinclined to help you if she knows, but knows in secret, about his actions. Alternatively, how would she address her inaction with her siblings, friends, cousins, clergy, etc, if EVERYBODY KNOWS? "Oh, yeah, Aunt Rosie (...Granny, ...Father O'Brien), my boy has been banging the local skank, and, since I am also quite classless, I did nothing to dissuade him! More tea?"

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Ng,

Great point, which alluded me in my post to trn....what helped was the fact that uncle knew...AND auntie...AND children...AND cousins...AND work...etc.

That's a heavy load for people trying to maintain a secret relationship....

Thanks.

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...uncle knew...AND auntie...AND children...AND cousins...AND work...

...and in your case, my personal favorite......POSOM's MOMMY!

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Oh, yes...how could I leave THAT one out???

Now there's a phone call I won't soon forget!

Looking back, how right you guys were...exposing to OM's employer and union and his getting fired from the job was HUGE, but boy oh boy, once mommy knew...in hindsight, that probably was the final nail in the coffin...

Quite effective (listening, trn? Take it from someone who putzed with it...IT WORKS!)

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Originally Posted By: Mortarman
The reason I say go to the IG, rather than the commander of the person's unit, is that many times, the commander might like the servicemember (SM) so they might just sweep it under the rug.


I just exposed my military WW last night, and I have to say that this is great advice.

I did a bad thing back in late January, I partially exposed. I told a few very close relatives of mine, and her 1st Sgt, but no one else. Here's how that went down:

- WW's 1st Sgt tells me he is going to issue a no-contact order, but tells her that he does not have enough evidence to do so (since I never gave him any)
- A whole lot of nothing....

I didn't go to the IG when I exposed last night, but I did involve a lot of her coworkers, as this was a workplace A. Once her Chain of Command realized that I was willing to expose to this level, their tune changed.

Today, a mere 12 hours after sending the facebook exposure messages, her 1st Sgt buys me lunch and asks me if I feel they are not doing enough. I said I needed him to issue the no-contact order, in writing and asked what I would need to provide him to make that happen. He tells me it will be taken care of by Monday, though he doesn't feel I needed to expose to this level (that seems to be the general consensus from people...other than this site of course.) Now, they are in CYA mode, and things are going to get done.

If you don't go to the IG, at least make sure that more than just her 1st Sgt and CC know about it. If they are placed in a position where it looks like they didn't do enough to prevent a CRIME, they could be held accountable.

I truly feel blessed to have this happen while in the military. I don't know how I could do this if I didn't have some guarantee that there would be no contact...God bless all you civilian BSs out there!

Edit: Missed some of the quote

Last edited by AJoseJake; 02/22/12 08:17 AM.

Me: BH
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Married 10 years, first for both of us
D-Day: 27 Oct 11 trickle truth-ed until all 8 OMs were discovered
D Final: 16 Aug 2013
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When the IG is left out many a sarg up to the company commander has been known to sweep affairs under the rug. Then the affair continued but better hidden.

Jumping over peoples heads will only get them in trouble if they new a crime was being committed and they did not act to bring it to an end.

You need to go to the IG so this does not get swept under the rug.

Where do you place importance job or marriage?

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My marriage counselor knows about my wife's emotional affair, but she advises against exposing it to family & friends.
Why would I shame my wife like this if it could end my marriage??

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...because EXPOSURE doesn't end marriages...


...however, AFFAIRS do...

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