I am new to this site and forum, a co-worker introduced me after he went through some problems with his marriage and said there is a lot of info and support here.
Let me say first, that I've been in the Marine Corps for 10 years, married for 6, and have two handsome sons, aged 2 and 4. Otober 26th 2011 was the day I found out my wife had been having an affair. For the first month or so, she seemed willing to work on rebuilding our marriage, but as time has passed, she has lost that willingness. She still has a relationship with OM, and even had him over at our house numerous times last month while I was out of state for a training exercise. I have expressed to her numerous times that she needs to end the relationship with OM permanetly. When we talk about us and our relationship, she continueally says that if we are meant to be, it will happen, and contimues to push for divorce, saying she cant get past the hurt I've caused her in the past to allow her to give us a clean slate to work from. I'm in need of advise to help her see what she's doing to our marriage and our children. And I fear that if she doesn't end things with OM soon, there will be unrepairable damage. I've been very vocal about my wilingness to recover our marriage and the fact that I stil have love for her. I've already started the Exposure and letting our mutual friends and her friends know the situation...WERE DO I GO FROM HERE?!?!

Hi resilient, sorry for the reasons that brought you here. Please go read the thread in my signature and tell me if that is how you exposed. I need to know to WHOM you exposed, what was said and what they did. Have they contacted your wife about it?

Who is the OM? is he married? What does he do?

I used the FB exposure method. I've exposed it to her mother, aunts, cousins, former co-workers, long time HS friends, as well as to my family and friends. OM is an old friend from HighSchool (I've yet to expose to his friends and family) He is not married and works as an EMT. People have already started to contact her about it...what I wrote follows;

Dear friends and acquaintances,
It pains me to be writing this to you but I can no longer bear the pain and burden alone. As you may know, (WS) and I have been having some marital problems recently, although you may not know why. (WS) has been involved in an affair with an old High School friend named (OM). The affair has been going on since around September of last year, and their relationship continues to this day; I did not find out about the affair until October of last year. Since then, I have been trying tirelessly to help her see what see�s been doing to our marriage and our two young children. I fully believe that we will be able to resolve our differences and repair the damage caused by this event. I want nothing more than to put this behind us and have a happy marriage to the woman I still love. I am asking all you to use the influence you all possess to assist me in convincing her to do the right thing and that we can overcome this. I am truly sorry you had to find out about it this way, but I am in need of support to help bring (WS) back into our marriage, and to abandon her affair and relationship with this person permanently. Thank you all for your support.

Sincerely,
(BS)

resiliant, you need to expose the OM asap. don't wait, because when your WW tells him what you've done, he'll block your access to his side.

Ok, good. Now blow up the OMs world and expose to his contacts. Also get a restraining order against him keeping that POS out of your house.

Starting that, and the fallout from the exposure has already begun. She called me in tears asking why I would do this to her, why am I trying to make her out to be a bad mother and person?

Repeat to her this:

I love you. I am fighting for our marriage and our family.

May I suggest some pocket phrases .....

"Come home sweetheart, where I can wrap my arms around you and comfort you."

"I know you want to be the best wife/mother/person you can be. Let's work this out."

"I want what you want. A happy and fulfilling marriage where our family can grow closer."

"Let's open up to the light and let the sunshine in. Together we can get through this and make things great."

How do I overcome this fear...she is in tears with no self esteem. I want to go home and comfort her and hold her, but I fear she will reject that act of love and care. And she has flat out said she would reject that act

R1983,

I trying to make her out to be a bad mother and person?

Tell her that when she is with OM her behavior makes her a bad mother and person, she is not inherently bad.

Expose OM to his superiors at the emergency squad, can you prove he met your WW while on the clock?

God Bless
Gamma

Thanks for serving

R, I would get the exposures done NOW as it is more effective when you them all in the same day. Don't do a trickle exposure.

Go down and file a restraining order on the OM to keep him out of your home.

You should also DEMAND that she end her affair. Thoughtful requests will get you nowhere. Make that demand and tell her this will lead to divorce if she doesn't stop.

And the fallout continues...once again, threatening divorce. I guess I should mention that she has already filed for legal separation

That is a classic response. Just expect it. I would tell her that divorce will be a reality if she doesn't end her affair.

And be sure and get affair exposed to the OMs family! That will ruin your wifes future hopes in that family!

And just a quick update. I've done the Exposure on the OM. The affair and relationship is over. I'm reluctant to make a threat with divorce because, at this point in time, that would be what she wants

Whom on OM side have you exposed to?

Four close friends and a sister before he said he would end it

You just ended her affair. Congratulations!

Now- hang on. The fog is likely to be deep- so keep your eyes on the prize.

Oh no, dont make a threat, make a PROMISE. See, she is playing the divorce card to scare you into submission. You neutralize that weapon by telling her honestly that yes, this will go to divorce if you don't end all contact for life and commit to this marriage.

You need to tell her this. Don't be afraid. She has to understand that she will have to meet certain conditions if she intends on staying married to you.

And that is the truth. Your marriage will end in divorce if she doesn't end her affair. Tell her that!

Dd you get to his parents? That is the KEY exposure.

I wouldn't put any stock into what she says right now. Once you get this adultery killed 100% divorce isn't going to look quite as attractive as it did before you killed it. Right she's just stark raving mad because you blew her fantasy out of the water and exposed it for the filth it is.

Oh, nicely done BTW!