I do not have any info on his parents. She has also recently quit her job, to stay with our children, as our youngest was a victim of child abuse by the babysitter (who is in jail BTW). We have a joint bank account, should I take her off that so my name is the sole one on the account?

Can you find the parents?

And I would move your money somewhere real fast and take her name off the account.

So, today she tells me that she wants to leave because it hurts too much to be around me. I told her now whas not the time to talk about it and that we would talk tonight after the kids are asleep. This afternoon, she will be removed from the joint account and no longer have access to it. I'm wanting to tell her that if she wants to leave, then she should, but that she should wait until I can submit for some leave so I can stay with our children while she's away because I think it would be in their best interest if the stayed in our home with me while she "sorts things out", so to speak

And this is what she wrote in her blog this morning:

"I'm so not ok. I feel like I just woke up after the world ended and I'm the only one left. Fake smile trying to convince myself I'm ok, going on with the daily stuff in hopes it will distract me from what is really going on. I don't want to go on as I am, how it was before wasn't ideal but at least I had a real smile and no truck parked on my chest! Even ending things and starting over won't bring it back; going to a new place, making new friends, completely new start doesn't give you the sense of security as your hometown and friends who know the real you."

That blog post is typical wayward 'everybody feel sorry for me because I have it so rough' mentality. Don't let that distract you from what you're being told here....it's drivel.

I'll agree with that. Come to find out, after talking with (her now ex friend), that she has always had that kind of mentality. She'll get upset when she doesn't get what she wants or when they don't go her way

Resilient, she is just pitching a fit because you interfered in her affair. Let her know you can't stop her from moving out, but would sure hate to see her go. Tell her she cannot take the kids with her. And I would go on leave if I were you.

I am concerned that she may leave for the weekend and then come back when she has had some fun with OM. I would make it clear to her that if she leaves it will be for good until she agrees to end her affair and commit to repairing the marriage.

She may also be just bluffing about leaving. Just play it cool with no begging or pleading.

You really need to get ahold of his parents and tell them about the affair. That will doom the relationship for her. I would also take a couple of your Marine buddies and go have a man to man with this sorry RAT. Let him know that you will not be rolling over without a fight. I would also file a restraining order on him for coming in your home around your children.

You have the affair on the ropes, my friend, move in for the KILL now. Dont let up and dont let him get back up. Keep it up until the affair is killed.

I will do what I can to get info on his parents. I'm also going to try talking to him in person (an idea I had before I came to this site, just never did it). When filing a restraining order, what information do I need, because I don't want to go in there without all the ammo I'll need (since he has a fairly common name, and lives in a different city)

I don't really know. Of course you would need to make sure you have the right guy!

Ok, I'll talk with a friend of mine who knows him and see what i can dig up. And I'm hoping I don't have to go to the county he lives in to file the restraining order...here goes nothing, I'll be updating as I go. Thank you to all who have helped thus far

Stay strong and hang tough.

We're here for you my friend.

You can go to the local courthouse and file. It's good for the whole state regardless of the county you or he lives in. You have to appear in person and they will give you a temporary restraining order that usually lasts 3 weeks. The judge has two days to make a decision to grant it or not. If he does, you will be given a court date and it could take about a month to make it permanent.

Thank you for your service to our country, friend. I'm sorry your WW has caused you to join us.

Do NOT rest comfortably that the affair is over. APs have great creativeness in maintaining/renewing contact. I'd urge you to discretely put keyloggers on any computers she might use, and spyware if possible on her cell. GPS reporting units on vehicles she might use are also advisable.

At the same time, start being the best "you" possible, outwardly. Even when she (and she will!) lashes out with additional "How could you have been so mean to me?" bushwah, your demeanor is to be calm, and soothing. Keep the velvet glove concealing the iron fist, if you catch my drift.

BUT - and this is the NUMBER ONE priority right now - put EVERY POSSIBLE impediment in place to prevent her moving out. Cut off funds, cancel her credit cards, flatten the tires in her car on moving day, inform potential landlords on the sly that she's a crack-addict - none of these are too extreme. Experience here has repeatedly demonstrated that once she's gone, she's GONE! I would aver (and this seems cruel) that the problems your child is dealing with would accelerate, not ameliorate, her desire to flee. Narcissistic WWs have high tolerances for the pain of others, but low tolerances for interference with their own preoccupation. Your WW is not special.

Already cut off her access to our joint account and de-activated her card connected to it. Going in the afternoon to file a restraining order against OM. She said today that OM wasn't worth losing her kids over...but I'm still going to take precautions

Excellent! And if this ever goes to divorce, you will have it on record that the OM was in your home around your children. They were carrying on an affair in your house. That is outrageous.

She said today that OM wasn't worth losing her kids over.

Sometime as this settles out, you might ask her how it was that OM was worth losing her husband and marriage over!

But, you've got more pressing immediate business at hand, and you seem to be well at it!

GJM or MM: Should R1983 make his command aware of the complications in his life right now?

NG,

The command should be aware. They were supportive of my efforts and allowed me to take care of anything that I needed to. Marines take care of their own, but I'll admit at times they aren't very qualified in dealing with matters like this. I don't see any problems with asking for support in the matter because if she decides to call the command, they will be aware of what's going on and discredit any lies that may be told.

Thanx, G. I kinda knew the answer, but it carries more gravitas coming from you.

NG, Dr Harley has even recommended going to the command and asking for hardship leave. Some folks have done that successfully.