He wants nothing to do with Wellbutrin. I don't know why specifically although I could guess its b/c it can exacerbate anxiety which we both also have problems with. I used to be on it.

He wants to go back on Lexapro which does interfere with sex drive. He thinks if he sticks to a lower dose it should be okay. We'll see.

Dr. Harley says though that the first thing he does when someone is depressed is treat the depression before dealing with anything else. My husband is planning on visiting the doc in the next week and getting back on Lexapro. He seems quite adamant about not getting on Wellbutrin which, as Prisca noted, does not affect sex drive. He usually researches things thoroughly so I'm sure he has a lot of reasons for not wanting to try Wellbutrin. Could also be he didn't think it was very effective when I was on Wellbutrin.

Well we have had a big problem today.

We have been doing quite well.

I have been reading stuff in the affair honestly b/c I found it interesting and I was procrastinating and then I did it, honestly on a whim, I went to my husband's facebook and started friending the females on his page. Maybe I have problems with impulsiveness? I am ADD? I honestly can't explain doing such a thing otherwise without thinking it through. My husband saw I was looking at a woman's page and laughed and said "Oh so now you are creeping my friend facebook pages" and I straightup said, "No I was just friending some of them" and I then he started getting perturbed and the more he thought about it the more upset he became saying I didn't trust him and how I reminded him of his "Psycho exgirlfriend"(who cheated on him multiple times) and how he's a person who has spoken out about this and he really does feel it was a slap in the face.

Now he's calling me psycho and saying he doesn't even know how to look at me anymore and I don't know what to do or say.

And now he won't quit. Just telling me stuff I do that could me in temptations way and I've okay I won't go there, but of course that's not his point.

I don't know what his point his.

Except he feels hurt and angry and he's lashing out.

Telling me he never thought he'd have to go through this with me after all the years we've been together.

Is he still having an AO?

You need to get away from him until he calms down. He is insane, and it is insane to try to reason with him.

Then you need to do some serious snooping. His anger over his facebook page is a big red flag.

I said to him that I didn't suspect him of anything but I was just thinking that I should protect my marriage and that it was precaution. Guys I believe he really and truly is hurt and feels very insulted--I don't think he's even thought about having affair. Do me a favor and at least pretend that this is a situation in which we know he hasn't even thought about cheating.

I just told him I thought it was wise we know who each others friends are. He scoffed at that. You know that doesn't prove I'm not psycho. He said he's never think about chatting up another woman with the intention of having an affair and I said, "Well it doesn't usually start that way." Which of course sent him off again b/c I was maligning his honor. And I can see how he might think that. He hasn't been reading all the stuff on here I have been.

But all this stuff where he says I'm acting like his psycho (cheating) ex?? I mean I feel like I should have talked to him at least and thus have been in the wrong but his reaction feels like its off the charts. I just don't understand.

It feels like he worked himself up into a real angry outburst although he kept it perhaps quieter than he used to, he didn't hesitate to throw out several bruising insults at me after he got himself really worked up. (Like saying that I"m like his pyscho ex and he doesn't even know how to look at me anymore)

I do feel like I was wrong in the way I went about it and perhaps it would have been stupid to bring it up anyway when he's not immersed in this program and we really don't have any problems in that area.

BUT now what do I do?

We don't play such pretend games here.

Well I believe it to be the truth. And so I'm asking what your advice would be if that was the situation.

Even if that were the situation, Prisca would advise you to snoop.

At one point in our marriage I confessed to Prisca my use of pornography from several years earlier. I told her that it had been twice, approximately when it was, gave the details I remembered, etc. She had no idea if I was telling the truth or not. As it happens, I was.

Prisca installed logging software on my computer, and it didn't take her long to discover what the truth was.

If your husband is telling the truth, the Marriage Builders advice is to check up on him until you are certain.

The Marriage Builders advice is also not to have opposite sex friends. Marriage Builders would advise you to tell your husband that you are not okay with these relationships continuing, then take note of his response (does he discontinue the friendships, or not?)

For people lying or telling the truth, the advice is the same: no opposite sex friendships, and check to see if your spouse is telling the truth.

By the way, we didn't invent the Marriage Builders advice, and we aren't giving our personal opinions. We are repeating the advice of Dr. Harley, who has been doing this for forty years, for thousands of couples. Some of us have spent thousands of dollars getting this advice and are giving it back to you for free. Some of us have listened to hundreds of hours of Dr. Harley on the radio and are freely summarizing for you what he says for your situation.

I know you guys don't make this stuff up, but I do feel like his past situation has made him more sensitive about this. I do know its classically a read flag, but I also know how traumatic that past experience was and what actually happened and how this might have triggered a lot of negative emotions for him.

Also, if I were to decide to snoop it would have be separate from the situation since I need to get the anger thing dealt with so we can live life.

I mean he already so angry and acts like this is the worst thing I've ever done to him (confirming in his mind I Might be like his crazy Ex).

How do I deal with his anger? I've been thinking fora while now that if he had another angry outburst then I would need to deal with it by talking with him about anger management etc but honestly I'm scared to do any of that any way and now I feel like I'm in a shaky position b/c of all this.

I'm just so emotionally vulnerable and I'm supposed to be starting a new job and I'm afraid I won't even be able to concentrate if I don't at least get the situation into a stable place for the time being.

I didn't realize until just now that he flipping kicked me out of the bedroom by putting all my pillows and stuff on the couch when he went to bed 1.5 hours ago.

What?????

Have you read Dr. Harley's articles on this? There is some very important information there which you must not miss.


Exactly!

Here are some good reads.

Angry Outburts #1

What To Do With an Angry Husband

Here's another excellent read by Dr. Harley. Have you seen this?

Snooping: Is it Wrong? Or, is it the right thing to do in a Marriage?

I did just read this. Now I would feel like I needed to have him agree--in order for it not to cause conflict.

Right now though I don't even know how to approach this. I need to be able to specifically say he needs to do this or that? But i don't really know what to say. I have read most of the stuff and I know what is said in the letters.

We are not in a place where I feel like he could financially afford to stay out of the house, I might be able to stay elsewhere for a while--with my parents. If we needed to separate.

But I feel like I guess maybe he always ends up getting what he wants from his anger? So maybe I am perpetuating the problem by always being apologetic even if I was wrong to begin with?

Also I don't know how to find an anger management course for him. We don't live in a big city or anything.