Thank you for all you support.

BW has contacted me. She was out of town without access to social media. We're going to work together to end this affair. She's moving out of the marital home at the end of this month.
MM has given notice to move on Sep30.
We'll be getting together in person after she moves out.

Will let you know what happens.

Took Dr. Harley's advise. Listened to the audio. Told her I refused to help her make this huge mistake, loved her dearly and that my silence was protect my sanity and our relationship. (I'm on disability from chronic depression, anxiety, PTSD and chronic fatigue from the ongoing abuse I suffer.)


DD confirmed her move on Aug31 and is now complaining about my No Contact and throwing her wait around going so far as to compare me to her father. My response was:

"There is no place in my life for disrespectful, ungrateful, lying, cheating mistresses. I want my daughter back".

Arranged for counselling for myself this week. I feel like I'm breaking. This is killing me.

The Harley's on the audio said they would send me a copy of Surviving An Affair. What's the process for getting it?

I'm not sure why you're seeking counseling for doing the right thing.

Counseling is good. (there is a joke in AlAnon however that "I spent 20,000$$ on counseling and then I learned there was a better program called AlAnon agree)

It's very difficult when loved ones make destructive decisions and we choose not to enable them.
Sometimes we want to enable them for various reasons, some of us like being victims, some of us want to maintain some sense of control.
But you have followed professional advice and done the right thing.
Encourage the betrayed wife to come to the forums for help.
But remember that you can only control YOUR actions, not your daughters or the bw or anyone else.

I'm on disability already for chronic depression, anxiety, PTSD and chronic fatigue from the ongoing the abuse I suffer from my X. This situation makes it worse.

I suggested this in my message to her. I'll tell her again when we meet face to face.

Did you email Joyce and ask her?

emailed Joyce thx

Make sure you include a shipping address.

I think they get those books out slow.
I was on the show and was going to be sent SAA months ago and still haven't received it
I would encourage you to just buy a copy from amazon so you can start reading it

Still Seeking: I see you're still on MB. It's me SAB. I'm sorry we lost contact. I lost your contact info. Was hoping you'd be back here someday. Please message me. I miss Wendy too.

Can someone explain to me the significance of the "code of ethics" when exposing an affair to an employer?

This will all depend on the size/type of employer you are dealing with. I would only use this method of exposure if the affair partners are co-workers or have some other work-related interaction or if one of the affair partners is using company resources to perpetuate the affair.

What happens is that many companies (more often large companies than a mom and pop type operation) these days will have a Code of Conduct/Code of Ethics that outlines what conduct is expected from employees. Different industries will have different topics covered in their Code. Some employers will specifically address relationships between employees but that is not the norm which is why I recommend finding another "hook" to get their attention and address the relationship. The "hook" that will always get an employer's attention - whether they have a Code of Conduct/Code of Ethics or not - is if the employer's assets are being used to perpetuate the affair. Basically, this amounts to stealing company resources - whether it be time they should be working, using company resources such as corporate cards to buy lunches, dinners, hotel rooms; IT systems; phones; or traveling together on the company dime when there really isn't a need for both to be traveling the same place. Employers don't like that and will want to stop it if it's going on. If you make the call/send the e-mail/letter it will give rise to an investigation. Even if they haven't been using company resources or there is no violation of the Code of Conduct/Code of Ethics, it WILL put the affair under a spotlight and cause great discomfort for the affair partners. If the investigation proves a violation of the company's Code of Conduct/Code of Ethics or other employment rules it usually results in discipline up to and including discharge.

If you have reason to expose to the employer, you will want to use the workplace exposure letter I wrote some time back....I can't find it because I'm not search savvy but others hear are and can link it for you.

Here it is.
Workplace Exposure letter samples

I knew Brain would come along and help me! She's our resident link expert!

This awesome letter is in the thread in the link in my signature.

Surviving An Affair arrived today in the mail. Thank you Joyce. Just in time for my D's leaving tomorrow.

Excellent. Focus on this. I'm glad you got it. Please start reading and let us know your thoughts.