- I just survived and and am getting over an emotional affair that my wife had with a colleague at her former work place over a year ago. After moving to a new city, she has recently started becoming friendly with a man who is old enough to be her father. Nothing much....very innocent relationship.....they call each other once in a while ....she accompanied him once to a group discussion on philosophy conducted by a philosophy group.....and I also attended one such event with her and this man. Recently, on her birthday, he offered her a small gift - a bottle of wine with a personal note on it wishing her on the occasion. Small things like this but for me it opens up a can of worms and I feel I'm going through another emotional affair in the making that can only get more involved, even though this man is so old in comparison and probably just a father figure for her. Am I over-reacting and just paranoid because of her previous emotional affair? Need some advice. Thanks.

[quote=jaybeecee]- I just survived and and am getting over an emotional affair that my wife had with a colleague at her former work place over a year ago. After moving to a new city, she has recently started becoming friendly with a man who is old enough to be her father. Nothing much....very innocent relationship.....they call each other once in a while ....she accompanied him once to a group discussion on philosophy conducted by a philosophy group.....and I also attended one such event with her and this man. Recently, on her birthday, he offered her a small gift - a bottle of wine with a personal note on it wishing her on the occasion. Small things like this but for me it opens up a can of worms and I feel I'm going through another emotional affair in the making that can only get more involved, even though this man is so old in comparison and probably just a father figure for her. Am I over-reacting and just paranoid because of her previous emotional affair? Need some advice. Thanks. [/quote

jaybeecee
Welcome to MB, so sorry you are having to go through this again.
How much of Dr. Harley's books and articles have you read?
There are no innocent relationships with OS. There needs to be boundries espicality with a WW that has a track record of EA's with OS.
You are not over-reacting.
When it comes to your M go with that gut feeling!
Is the OM married?
Does she work with the OM?
You are at the right place , read every thing on MB and the vets will come along shortly with great advice.
Listen to them and follow the plan , don't deviate.
You can do this, all the tools you will need are found here at MB.

Hi jaybee, welcome to MArriage Builders. It sounds like your marriage never recovered from the last affair and as such, she is starting up a new one. The reason she has affairs is because she has poor boundaries around men. Married people should not have opposite sex friendships outside of marriage. Most affairs start with opposite sex friendships with coworkers.

I would explain this to your wife and ask her to end her friendship with this man. In the meantime, please get the book Surviving an Affair and follow the program in it. You are headed towards another affair. Are "Friends" a Threat to Your Marriage?

Also, you might want to put some spyware on her phone and a keylogger on her computer so you can get the evidence of this new affair.

You are not overreacting at all. And if she won't end her "friendship" with him, then you will know that she cares more about her friendship than her marriage. She shouldn't have any relationships that upset her spouse.