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Agree with NG. The UA time is critical for both of you. My FWW and I took a cruise when we entered recovery and it did wonders for us. Since then, we stick to the 15 hours, which has made all the difference.
Make the best use of UA time and love bank deposits will made to both of your accounts, and your trigger moments and anxiety will diminish.
Is she following all the EP's you have in place? If not, the 15 hours won't make a difference.
Its a long process, but you seem to be on the right track.
Regarding exposure, it sounds like it did its work. No one should be talking about the affair anymore as she is back home and you are trying to recover. But in your WW's mind, she knows everyone knows and that should help in keeping her honest.
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Working hard on the UA...have good plans for Valentines Day, and I'm planning a surprise vacation as well....
I just need to calm down and let things work. I appreciate the great counsel!
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Sad, are you able to verify there has been no contact between she and OM? Do you have snooping devices in place? Have all paths to the OM been shut down? Fr example, if she communicated on Facebook, has that been shut down? Has her email address been changed? Do you have spyware on her phone?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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All is covered but for spyware (email, FB). Recommendations? I need something that will send a report remotely to email.
So, no , I cannot verify 100% that there's been no contact.
It will be tricky to get the spyware on there w/o her knowledge, which I think is the route I'm looking for.
Last edited by SadButTrue2; 02/11/13 03:25 PM.
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also, how do I purchase it w/o WW seeing it on the CC statement?
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Use a pre-paid CC, bought with cash.
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All is covered but for spyware (email, FB). Recommendations? I need something that will send a report remotely to email. eblaster is really good. It is easy to install, easy to use and will email you the reports. Be sure and set up a new webbased email account that she doesn't know about to send the reports.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks...I'm on it 
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I was working on the pp card thing by getting $$$ to buy one.
I looked through the prepaid card stuff and, man, they want a lot of personal info...plus I'd still have to get the statement sent somewhere else....which would most likely mean a PO box at the post office, which is another nutroll to deal with. I had no idea getting a prepaid card was such a pain....doesn't that defeat the purpose? lol
I think a better option is to find someone to put it on thier card and I'll pay them for it. if I can find someone...don't know many people around here that I would think would do it.
am i overthinking this? trying to be 110% stealthy here.
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Not sure where you are located? In our state (and all others that I'm aware of) you can just go to a grocery store, department store, etc. and buy a prepaid card with no other information needed other than the cash to purchase.
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thats what i thought, but I picked up an app from wal mart on Friday and it says I have to activate it, give my social security number, address, phone,, etc etc. That's way more intrusive than I was expecting.
If all that's true, its no better for me than my regular CC....and won't work.
where do you go for the 'cash only' cards?
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Grocery store, walmart, Target, etc. They are just prepaid visa "gift cards".
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ahhhh,this is ridiculous. i got a visa gift card, but when i try to buy software online it declines the transaction. what gives?
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When I bought mine, Capitol One called me within minutes to make sure it was me that made the putchase. Call the number on the back of the card and ask them why its failing. You should be able to do this
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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is there an answer? theres no phone # on the back of the card. i cant move forward without monitoring tools.
Last edited by SadButTrue2; 03/05/13 11:53 AM.
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Is there someone that could buy it for you and then you just give them the Visa gift card?
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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What does one do when the WW won't agree on EPs?
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One tries to explain their importance and necessity. Failing that, one accepts that the marriage likely has no secure future.
Is your "reliability" standing with WW of sufficient certainty, that she will without question accept your expectation and requirement in this matter?
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