Mr. A you need to create some distance before her confession of how she feels comes out. That way you won't ever know what's really in her heart and you'll never have to consider acting on those feelings.

Mr. A,
That is what is so great about this site and MB books, it makes you see things from an entirely different perspective. It also keeps you honest through everyone else's honesty.

If you are anything like my H, I sincerely believe that you most likely would not have an A. That you do have strong boundaries and have overcome in the face of temptation....but why temp fate.

In addition, I can tell you after reading FM's post and being in her spot the it bothers the he!! out of her that this woman .knows an inkling of your business. I realize you did not know and your intentions were innocent but that is exactly how A begin.

Even if your boundaries are extremely tight, communication with someone of the opposite sex makes your marriage unsafe and weakens your connection with each other.

...create some distance before her confession of how she feels comes out.

And, if you never are presented with evidence of her having inappropriate feelings or intentions, you will never have to regret the former friendship you might have had. You were close friends; now you're not. No "ugliness" involved.

And I am guessing that your wife dislikes your texting. I applaud you for your high boundaries, but this is a practice I would probably stop especially if you do it a lot around your wife.

You and this woman have already demonstrated a lack of boundaries by discussing your marital problems with each other. And when you were separated from your wife, this woman even encouraged you to stand firm in your decision to end your marriage.

If you have no romantic feelings for this woman, why would you put your marriage at risk in order to continue your relationship with her?

Minimizing your contact.

Married people do not have opposite sex friends.

NC this bee-itch.

Mr. Aqua,

Good job in taking precautions, but make them extraordinary precautions.

Here's the thing: You want your wife to take them, so you must demonstrate them also. Because you want her to take them, you take them to.

I mentioned to you earlier that you should remove your Facebook account since she is being asked to remove hers. Even if you have no history of infidelity, you should not ask her to do something you are not willing to do yourself.

There is a fabric of independent behavior in the lifestyle that you and your wife had. It seemed to work until your wife strayed. The truth is she strayed because she set no boundaries and because of independent behavior that was allowed in the relationship.

Any updates? You both should continue to post keeps you honest and accountable.

It's been awhile since I've posted. We were in Hawaii on vacation and got back last week. The vacation was fun but we both agree it wasn't what our relationship needed.

It was a family vacation, uncle, aunts, mom etc were there. We didn't much UA time at all. After a few days we began to feel the effect of it, and had a blow up on valentine�s day. I know it's just one day but it was hard trying to be romantic considering everything that went down.

After that we talked to my parents about our lack of UA time and I felt much better. However we still couldn't work on the MB program much during the vacation because of group commitments, couldn't do PoJA, or spend 25 hours of UA time together. Granted we were always together but it was with everyone else.

We've agreed that we will not be taking anymore group trips for a while and that we need to focus solely on us. Traveling is one of our common interests so we need to make sure that our relationship will benefit when we travel, and not suffer.

Now that we are back we've been back to MBing. We haven't been scheduling our UA time like we should so that's something we are starting to do. We also will be going over the week to see how we are doing with meeting each other's EN. So far we've been doing pretty well.

We finished SAA and are reading love busters. I am very much guilty on performing most of the LBs in the book. It's been an eye opening on how much I must have drained her love bank all these years. It's also taught me that I must not sacrifice and expect anything in return. I'm a giver and I feel that I gave and she took freely. Eventually I would have an AO when she didn't do something I assumed she should be doing because of how much I give.

Anyhow, one thing that has come up is that our best friends are going through a tough time, sort of a EA, no PA that I know of but not 100% sure of that.

It's been triggering thoughts from our A though. My WW and I both want to see them get through this but we are afraid it might negatively affect our relationship. We PoJA that if it does we'll have to disconnect from them until what they are going through has finished.

That's the update for now. I'm hoping things will continue to improve but understand there will be many peaks and valleys. Just need to overcome and work through them and not around the issues.

~MA

Word!

My WW and I both want to see them get through this but we are afraid it might negatively affect our relationship.

Bad plan, dude. You and FWW are barely afloat yourselves. This is no time to assist other struggling swimmers.

Hand the BS in that marriage a piece of paper with www.marriagebuilders.com written on it. You will have done a lot.

I've sent him the EN questionaire and pointed him to this site. Hoping they can take the great resources available here and save their marriage.

I know your upset. However, you need to find a way to communicate that without lovebusting. It doesn't help and increases the tension you already have in your delicate recovery situation. I applaud your efforts to help your friend, that sir is commendable. I understand why you feel like you do towards your WW. You need to take that book you tossed and read about the AOs and how to effectively communicate your upset with an action or lack of action on the part of FM when it comes to things. WITHOUT THROWING CHILDISH TANTRUMS! I suggest you both take an anger management course together. Brainstorm some in your area, most are free. You need to take steps and show her that you were wrong in your handling of this situation. I am referring to the AO not the passing of information. I also believe she can give just as good as she can get. That's why you both should attend said course. Also, that couple needs to come here or read the books. You do not need to feel obligated in helping your friend with his WW's infidelity. By doing that you make FM feel like she is second place and that's not good for YOUR recovery. So NC that couple for now and work on you and your wife, they are a chancre sore in your recovery and will be a HUGE hindrance.

I'm happy to report I've had no AO since the last one when I threw the LB book across the room. I've been working hard to avoid LBs.

Not much really to report. We've been spending 20+ UA time together each week. There's been a couple of weeks when there has been some stressful times but we've been able to handle them pretty well.

My FWW Bday was last week and that did put me in a funk. I felt sad pretty much all day and tried to make the best out of it. We ended up talking for a while the day after and I expressed the things going on in my head.

It seems like major event's bday and vday has brought upon me thinking about the past. Dwelling you can call it. I'm really trying to not think about things but to focus on the present and the positive progress we've made thus far. The next big event will be in a few months which will be our 8th year anniversary. We need it to be a really good celebration and I hope I won't ruin it.

Part of my feelings now are that things are going back to a more relaxed feeling. Not sure if that means the program is working and things are getting easier or we've gotten complacent? My FWW is no longer walking on egg shells anymore and has gotten comfortable being in the house with me.

My fear with the comfort level rising is that I don't want old habits to come back. I'll have to force myself not to do something or do something that I haven't done in the past. We have gone through chap 1-8 through LB and going to ge starting HN/HN's soon. I'm hoping that will give our more ammo to fight the battle of infidelity and AP the marriage.

Of all things....

That's a lot to report IMO your doing well why hasn't she been posting? Was that one of your conditions? Don't cut corners and use the MB program for life and follow through.

She hasn't been posted since I guess in her mind there's not to much to report. We bought the workbook and have been going through it there's a ton of work to be done though. Lots of things to keep track of and items to discuss. We don't want to be cutting corners on this and I did express that to her as one of my conditions.

I'm happy to report I've had no AO since the last one when I threw the LB book across the room.

Of all things....

Maybe they should issue it in soft copy?

No!

In e book. This way in electron form one can through lighting bolts across the room just like Zeus.