And January. And we have been coaching with Jennifer.

It always seems to come back to money when we talk about it. It's not just having enough to go out ourselves, but it's having enough to go out AND do those other things with friends.

I wish I could convince her of that. I'm not sure it's getting through.

No we tried talking about it some more. I'm trying to convince her it's even in her best interest to spend all of this UA time with me and put it as a higher priority than things she already sees as more fun.

You know I've seen you say this over and over again on here, but it just sparked an idea.

What if I get her to agree to do just that? "For the next 12 weeks, give me 20 hours a week to win you over. If you feel like it isn't working after that, we don't have to do it anymore."

She might go for something like that. Of course there is a chance it won't work in that time frame.

What Dr Harley would tell you to do is try it until it works. It does work, but you just have to do it.

And I want to caution you about something if you do make that offer. Don't pencil whip this exercise. I can't tell you the times I have seen couples pencil whip it and then wonder why it doesn't work. For example, they would schedule UA time AT HOME, late at night when they are exhausted and continually distracted by things they love MORE, like the boob tube, computer games, etc. Because at that point, they enjoy almost EVERYTHING more than spending time with their spouses. A wife who is out of love would rather do laundry and clean the lint filter than spend time with a spouse she doesn't love.

Didn't you try something very much like that with SF, and it didn't work? She ended up resenting the schedule. That is likely to happen with the 12 week idea, too. You need to find UA activities that she really wants to do.

Which scenario is more likely to create romantic love:

1. sitting on the couch with your spouse at 9pm when all the kids in bed. You are exhausted because you have been up since 5:30am and have spent the whole evening chasing kids, picking up the messy house, fixing dinner and putting kids to bed. Your hair is messed up, you are sweaty and are wearing a wife beater tank top with dirty shorts. You are sitting there in silence on the couch struggling to carry on a conversation with a woman who would much rather be cleaning the lint out of her belly button.

2. getting home from work at 5:30. Take a nice shower, put on cologne and a nice outfit. Drive out to dinner at a romantic restaurant an hour away. Have a nice pleasant chat on the way over, holding hands in the car. Having a nice romantic dinner [go to Cheddars and split an entr�e to save money]. Finish up by stopping at Walmart and looking at DVDs for the kids and picking up some bread. Come home, kids are already in bed, pay the babysitter and go to bed.

Which do you think would be effective?

This is very important. Find something she really LOVES even though she is not going to be enthusiastic about being with you for now. For example, does she love shopping? Then take her shopping! You can stand it for a short period of time in order to prime the pump.

Ideally, you might not be as enthusiastic about the activities at first, but go ahead and do them to prime the pump. Then once she falls in love, you can do some fine tuning because she will be WILLING.

I know, but maybe if it's presented with a time limit, she will agree to it. That's the bait in my proposal.

This is the part I am worried about. She is going to want to cut those corners because she is concerned with the money aspect of it on top of not wanting to do it in the first place.

Do you see how important it is to do it right, though? Doing it wrong will negate the whole point and just lead her to believe it doesn't work.

Find activities that are fun and cheap. You don't need very much money to go walking around a park or the mall. Many restaurants will split entrees.

Yes I get it.

And it's entirely possible she doesn't believe it will work now.

I GET your wife. I think she understands the program and the goal more than you realize, she simply has little faith that it's going to work. I've been there. Her head knowledge tells her one thing, but her feelings tell her differently. And it's very, very difficult for her to ignore her feelings.

Her feelings tell her that her friends are more fun than you. It's hard for her to ignore that, and that's going to be what she wants. It doesn't necessarily mean that she will always want that, though. But that's what she feels right now, and she doesn't see how she could ever feel any different.

That's okay.

Don't try to educate her on it.

It means you're going to have to do the heavy lifting here. Her feelings will not allow her to do so at this point in time.

YOU will need to schedule the dates. Honestly, at this point, I believe you shouldn't necessarily expect her to schedule with you. If she wants to, great, but don't pressure her in any way. Find the babysitters yourself, plus back up babysitters in case of an emergency. Find activities she'd love to do. And take her out. Plan it all.

And TALK to her non-stop while you are out. She may be tight-lipped for awhile. She may not feel close enough to really open up for awhile. Don't let that stop you. Investigate her as much as she will let you. Tell her about your thoughts and feelings as much as she will let you.

And be consistent about it. Do this for 3 months. Don't let your UA hours slip for even ONE week. It must be consistent. And don't let yourself disrespectfully judge anything she says or does even once during this time.

You CAN win her.

I'm rethinking bringing this up. I can tell she is really upset with me right now. Wouldn't even let me kiss her on the lips goodbye at lunch.

Thanks Prisca.

I know I just joined so I hope it's okay to say this but this is one of the best things I have eer read here. It's like the perfect blueprint.

Bravo good points, Prisca!!

One thing I have noticed my husband did once when we starting slacking on UA time is he took me shopping at the mall! I thought that was odd. He told me later he was priming the pump. And it worked!

My wife loves shopping, but for whatever reason she doesn't like me going with her. Apparently I have screwed this up in the past although I don't remember it. I'd love to reclaim that.

I don't care what it is right now. Just need to do it. I feel like this is my final shot.

Markos has primed the pump by taking me shopping as well