Pius and all:

My comments were limited to specifically exposure of "He is into bdsm and all sorts of nasty stuff.".

I never said the adultery should not be exposed. [Edited to add: Most definitely is SHOULD be exposed - please read all of the explanations from the posters above as to why it should be.]

What Pius described in his exposure is quite a bit different than "bdsm and all sorts of nasty stuff" being exposed elsewhere and coming back to the kids.

With that, I'll exit this conversation, but I do hope that SadWife seeks Dr. Harley's advice on that specific portion of the exposure.

It's funny, but a colleague of mine recently wanted to ask me about my experiences as a BS.

The reason was because his dad, a BS, had lied to him about his mother's affair his whole life. My colleague was only two years old at the time and his dad thought he was protecting him.

Unfortunately the mother was very keen to give 'her side' of the story. My colleague said as he grew old enough to discuss the split, his mother would verbally abuse his father whenever he visited her.

Contrary to this, his Dad would never talk about it. My colleague spent years listening to his father being bad mouthed and felt he could not raise the issue with his silent Dad.

As we know, the truth never stays buried forever and the situation raised its head when my colleague was planning his wedding. When he wanted to sit his parents together his Dad grew very pale.

My colleague reasonably suggested that as they split up over nothing, nothing should stop them getting along for just one day. I expected the dad expected to be stronger by this point, but no BS is ever strong enough to spend time with their former attacker and smile. As his son was now an adult, his father decided to tell him the truth.

My colleague is pretty angry that he was left at the mercy of his mother's lies for years - without any way of responding with the truth.

He still loves his mother of course, and wishes he had known what she was doing so he could have remonstrated with her to do better.

Why was he asking me about MY experiences? Because after a lifetime of lies he doesn�t feel close enough to ask his Dad about it.

Very sad.

Nobody told SadWife to tell the "community" that her H is into "bdsm and all sorts of nasty stuff". Nobody on MB ever tells the BS to expose about the kind of sex acts the WS was into. Exposure is about the affairs, not the sexual acts done during the affairs. Exposure of the affairs is insisted upon by Dr H for the reasons that have been explored here.

You were the only person on this thread ever to mention the issue of telling the kids about bdsm. There was no need for you ever to have brought it up, and no need to keep defending yourself for having done so. Nobody here ever thought or said that exposure should be about bdsm.

**edit**

This side discussion needs to end now! Please help this poster with MB concepts or kindly refrain from posting. Thank you.

Hello Sadwife-

I understand the discrepancy you are seeing between "addiction" and "multiple affairs".

My guess is that you understand the volition of entering into an affair or multiple affairs?

Do you feel your situation differs, not because he's into bdsm or other nasty stuff, but because he admits it's out of control (like Dr. Harley states is an indication of an addiction)?

It sounds liek you're at the crossroads of deciding plan D(divorce).

Is your husband willing to seek help now?

Do you understand the dynamics here, ReclycledBride? Do you understand that the prescription for a serial cheater is pretty much the same as it would be for a one time cheater?

I completely agree with you ML, that the MB plan works for either single cheaters and multi-cheaters.

I was asking questions to the OP to understand if she feels her husbands falls into the area of sex addict that Dr Harley describes in his article on sexual addiction.

I was just asking questions to get more insight...better understanding.