Plan B is no contact at all

I know, and I can't do a plan B. No IM. I don't know what to do any more. I've thought about asking her to talk about everything, but she has never listened to anything I have to say, never taken my feelings or opinions into consideration. She does what she wants when she wants to. I don't see that she has changed at all in that respect.

Blindsided, I think Jedi_Knight volunteered to be your IM earlier in this thread. I think that is worth considering.

I don't think it iso possible. We'd still have to see each other when we exchange the girls. It would only be half of plan B.

You know darned well that it's possible.

BSNM.
Wow! "how much will OM be contributing" ?? This is Your daughter - why should the OM contribute anything! Unless you are abdicating to him!

'Into every life some rain must fall'. In mine - son wants to go to tech school, a high loan for financial assistance, he is currently not employed but looking, and I feel the need to support him financially, tho it will be tough. Add to it, he is on med. for manic-depression, but is doing okay. Tough challenge, touch decisions. Wiling to do anything I can for him and haven't whined about it. My wife is in a nursing home se she cannot help much except to encourage him too. I sort of feel like Richard Burton as Maj. Smith in the movie 'Where Eagles Dare', which I saw the other night, in him having to climb on a rope up the walls of a German fortress to gain access to rescue an American general.

Point is Blind, I think you are continuing to use this as a blog for your whining. Altho I offer prayers for you and your situation, it seems same old, same old. Where this is a will there is a way. I.e., regarding an IM, try asking someone on here to serve as an IM for you in terms of a Plan B. I've seen that done before, and people on here are trustworthy. As to your supposed Plan A - its a shambles -will never work with your negative attitude, so advising you to give it up.

A couple of observations: 1) are you contributing at all to child support - is not good for you and your kids if you are not, and 2) your ExW is nearly a generation younger than you are - that is pretty unusual.

So, I believe you need to take the advice offered here in terms of executing a Plan B asap. She has divorced you, and she is free to do what she will. Pouncing on her every text to you and the meaning of it is not having an effect on her and her guy, but it seems to have a decaying effect on You. It is what is is, it's her choice now

I will continue to offer prayers for you, but I have some doubts about you now.

Tom

Just so you don't feel beat up all the time, i at least want to acknowledge that you posted your Ex-W's text to you here 1st before reacting yo it emotionally.

There is a Great difference between Reacting and Responding.

I do agree that if you sought out a way to achieve a Plan B with some assistance, that it could be done. You are STILL Very affected emotionally to each and every communication exchange and that would temper down the potential to further incite the rapport between the two of you.

Oh!!! And Stop looking up the OM on FB and his comments about your Ex-W.

Keep trying to do better for yourself and find SOMETHING to become optimistic about.

LTL

I encourage you to read Hosea and pray about this matter.

I read it.. Now what? Doesn't change much.

Got a subpoena to appear in court. They are threatening to put me in jail because I haven't paid child support yet. I have been trying to get time to call the office to get some things straightened out with them but I have been so busy.

So how much sense does that make? They want me in jail so that I can what.. NEVER pay child support? That's productive.

This is how it ends, I guess. Perpetual poverty and alone. Sweet.

You read Hosea?
That is good, because the Bible can give us hope and comfort.

As for court, I know lots of men with child support orders.
You just need to call the agency and get on a payment plan with them.
Do it before you go to court

It's not that I don't want to pay for my kids, but the order was made when I was still unemployed. 5 months of unemployment after then, and since then I have had to set up a place to live and buy all the basics (which I already owned before). I have just now been able to build a bit of a reserve so that I don't find myself broke if this contract ends.

This legal system is so flawed it's not even funny.

You better call the child support agency and get on a payment plan before court.

I agree. Don't keep letting this run out of control. The more you avoid it, the bigger it will get. Call the agency today or at the very least email them.

I can't for the life of me understand how someone who can't accept divorce and the break up of his family is not supporting his children financially. Usually its the wayward spouse who is irresponsible and unthoughtful. How can Blind complain about his WxW when he is not supporting his children? And if his wife's affair were to go South, how can he expect to be a viable fall back option with his negativity and his lack of financial support of his children. Huge love busting behavior.

This poster needs to re-read the marriage builders concepts because clearly they are not being followed. I would also recommend the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Blind needs work on all of them, especially being proactive and putting first things first.

I think he's a good guy, but he admittedly has depression. He's previously posted about committing suicide on his thread..then go's from high's to low's in his outlook on the future.

I think the best thing he could do is : (1) call the child support agency and get on a payment plan so he doesn't go to jail; and (2) visit a doctor for depression

Blindsided,

I'm sad to hear that it has come to a court hearing to enforce the child support order. Yet, I feel that you have forced this on yourself because of your stance that you have been too busy to comply. That attitude won't get you much mileage with the judge. I am not an attorney, and while I believe that judges don't readily impose jail for contempt in these cases, I think that salary garnishment is a real possibility, especially since you are in arrears.

I would encourage you to embrace a more realistic and compliant attitude in terms of supporting your daughters financially. Blaming the judicial system or citing 'the dog ate my homework' excuses for your noncompliance is just going to lead to more resentment for this situation on your part, and contribute to your unhappiness. I can assure you that you are not looking good in the eyes of your exW.

I would also encourage you to consult with an attorney well before the hearing to at least learn of what to expect and how to behave. That isn't about how to escape your obligation to support your kids - it's about how to convince the judge and your exW that you are serious about fulfilling that obligation.

Some prayers,

Tom

Okay, a quick update on the child support thing so there is no confusion:

The divorce was final in May. I did not start this job until July. I had to move and spend several thousand dollars on rent, deposit, stuff for the house since I had nothing to put in it. I needed a LOT of basic stuff like somewhere to sit - I found a loveseat on craigslist, a walmart card table and 2 folding chairs for eating at - dishes, an iron and ironing board, cleaning supplies, etc. I am sleeping on a $50 inflatable bed (which is very comfortable, by the way). Even the most basic stuff adds up a LOT. Then I had to start paying for car insurance, and the FIRST thing I had to buy were tires from my truck - there's a grand right off the bat.

Then I felt that I needed to put a few thousand away before doing anything else - as a cushion. Remember that I had just been unemployed for over 3 years and had NO money. Also remember that this job is a contract position and job security is not guaranteed.

I am buying a monthly train pass for a hundred bucks a month. There are all kinds of obligations I have just to have a place to live and a way to get to this job. The place I rented is the cheapest place I could find that was bigger than a studio apartment.

So right now I have a little bit saved up, and I can pay child support, but I need to call the office and have them deduct my half of the state tax return that the xW kept. Trust me when I tell you that I am not socking away money like crazy - I am just about breaking even.

Next post I have some interesting stuff.. good/bad, that sort of thing. I'll let you all read this and I'll post in a little while.

Sorry Blind. Thanks for the explanation.

Okay, another post for tonight. Some of you asked me to list some positives instead of complaining all the time. So here goes.

My mom is deaf. She was telling her hearing aid lady that my hearing was getting worse, and the lady said "He should contact this state agency, he may be able to get some assistance." Keep in mind I had not been employed for over 3 years, with the exception of a few months of low=paying contract work the summer of 2012.

So I called, not expecting much. Long story short, that ONE call ultimately led to:

~ New hearing aids ($4000, paid for by the state - I don't care for being on the dole, but if ever there was a time I needed something, this was it)

~ New glasses, which I needed, paid in full.

~ A contract job with the state which may become permanent (still waiting to hear) but may be extended out another year from now. This part was all timing and dumb luck. The counselor there asked me if I had a resume, so I emailed it to her. the NEXT day she called me and set up an interview.

So I am not all gloom and doom. I don't know how many of you are churchgoers, but I have been provided for yet again. It has happened before and I go through life relaxed, knowing that things will always work out because they always do. My ex wife would get furious with me because I never worried when we had no money and I had no job. I'd tell her "It will work out, worrying is pointless and only makes things worse." If she'd only listen once in a while. I am not as stupid as she seems to think I am.

That is wonderful news