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Joined: Apr 2001
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Originally Posted By: hope4healing
Thank you all for your replies.

The A between my husband and the xOW ended in April 2013. She C him about the baby not being the OM July 2014. My husband took a paternity test Feb 2015, which proved he was the father.My H has no desire to C the xOW, he just wants to have contact with the OC. Unfortunately, this can not be accomplished without some form of contact with the xOW.


The affair is not over unless he NEVER has contact with her again. Your plan for them to have email contact is a resumptiom of the affair. ANY CONTACT is a resumed affair. Do you understand this? They can never go back to a plantonic relationship.

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My H has put his desire to be apart of the OC life on hold so that we can work on rebuilding our M. Our COM and our M are important to him and he is putting us first by having NC with the xOW and the OC for right now.


He is not putting your mariage and your children before his OC and his affair if he EVER brings them back into your lives.

Quote:
He is attending MC because he wants to not because I am forcing him to.


You should not tolerate his mistreatment. You should never allow your husband to threaten your marriage and put your child's security at risk. You cannot FORCE him to put you first, but you should not ever TOLERATE him putting his OC before you and your kids, because it will mean the end of your marriage. He does not need to go to marriage cousneling to learn this.

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Since he has come out about the A I have seen great changes in him. His only desire it to be in the OC life, even if it is only part-time.


His "desire" will destroy your marriage and your children's family. You and your kids will be competing with the OW and her child. You are volunteering for that.

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I understand the concept behind NC with OW and OC. However, I witness daily the impact that not having a Father in a child's life has on children.


Tell that to your own children beucase that is what you are doing TO THEM. You are ensuring they come from a broken home. And you are also making it harder for the OW to find a husband with some married man hanging around. Of course, your husband could always marry the OW when his marriage fails.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: hope4healing
I understand I do have a voice, but according to you all if my voice doesn't agree with NC, then my M is doomed.


Yes, your marriage is doomed. We wouldnt' be compassionate if we didn't tell you the truth. But it is your life to wreck. We have tried to warn you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Do you want us to help you reassure yourself that continued contact will not doom your marriage?

We aren't willing to do that.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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A father is someone who plans, and has always planned, on being in your life.

My father isn't my father because of DNA. But because of the family man he was.

I can't imagine my father breaking that vow to go off and play with his other family. That would have been heartbreaking.

He's already betrayed you, don't let him betray your children again.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Apr 2010
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here is another story wher NC did not ensue. Although they stayed together, her husband fathered a second child with the woman and the affair reignited multiple times.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2146856#Post2146856


me, DH
all the children
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