And just so you know, what rates as attractiveness is a matter of opinion. Superficial people get stuck on outward appearances, which eventually fade with age, while others would find one's strong personal character and ability to support one's family on her own to be more appealing. Your beauty should not be relegated to your weight, clothing size, the amount of makeup and hair product you use. The fact you leave for work at 5am, work your butt off to make ends meet while your WH is in school (and having affairs) and still make your daughter top priority is by far more attractive than some young girl who lives off her parents and has absolutely no care in the world other than to primp and shop. While you are beautiful in your own right, your grace under pressure and your dependability makes you a rare gem. Don't let your fogged-out, immature WH shake your self-esteem and self worth. You're an incredible woman with a fantastic future ahead of her. My wise mother has a saying "beauty is skin deep; ugly is to the bone".

I want to say you sound like a very strong person and you've done a great job here.

Ok. I will keep all the in mind. A poly is a really interesting and appealing idea. Seems like a great thing to do to work towards opening everything possible.

Also, I already thought about the std testing. He did not use a condom and will be getting tested pronto.

I woke him up at 5 am to talk further about things and let him know that I went through his phone. I found a few things that worried me (a friend that was willing to lie for him). I wanted the truth right up. We had the first what felt like a productive conversation. He agreed to meet to any conditions and seemed

Ito mean it.

This morning it feels things have changed for the better. I will print the checklist off and make sure we really pour over it and discuss what each thing means. I also will be getting the Surviving an Affair book.

He is taking our daughter to daycare right now. And then we are going to the movies? Is that too soon? It didn't seem like a bad idea to me all. Especially after our productive feeling conversation this morning.

I would say he falls in love with falling in love. I was the same way pre-marriage. But shoot, when I got married, I meant it! As demonstrated this week.

I'll keep you all updated. If I feel he is indeed not taking things seriously today, I will have him packing by this afternoon.

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Yet
I see you losing focus again and am frustrated at the posts that seem to help you get off track. Nothing should be done until you achieve the objectives on the checklist. You have much more pressing issues than going to a movie.

For example, has he changed his cell phone #? Closed down his email account? Social media? You need to keep this on the front burner until it is achieved. That should happen TODAY.

Really swamped at work this week and am hoping others can help keep this poster on track.

So right now it hasn't even been a week.
Remarkably, it hasn't even been two weeks yet since the affair started. It's so crazy to think about how much damage can be done in such a short amount of time. I understand it means our relationship wasn't in a healthy place to begin with, but whoa.

So if I was to do this for 3 weeks total. I think that would put me at two weeks from this Sunday? That would be when he first told me he was done. Monday was when he told me about the affair. I can't imagine doing this for 2.5 more weeks! It would just be more listening to him ramble on about OW and how incredibly wonderful and better than me she is? Ughhhhhh. In a best case scenario what happens after that? He suddenly sees me again? Does he suddenly care that I exist?

I want to say I have that in me. But I'm not sure right now. I'm not sleeping (notice how it's 3 am.) or eating, and have stress hives popping up on my body-- something I've never experienced before. So I can see how women have physical limitations to this. I have discovered such strength in this, I would hate to fall short of what needs to be done.

Ok. I will keep all the in mind. A poly is a really interesting and appealing idea. Seems like a great thing to do to work towards opening everything possible.

He did not use a condom and will be getting tested pronto.

I woke him up at 5 am to talk further about things and let him know that I went through his phone. I found a few things that worried me (a friend that was willing to lie for him). I wanted the truth right up. We had the first what felt like a productive conversation. He agreed to meet to any conditions and seemed to mean it.

I will print the checklist off and make sure we really pour over it and discuss what each thing means.

I would say he falls in love with falling in love.

I'll keep you all updated. If I feel he is indeed not taking things seriously today, I will have him packing by this afternoon.

silentnight, I don't think you should commit yourself to 3 weeks of Plan A at all.

Very much agree with sugarcane. He either gets on board today or you start making plans to go into plan b. The first step of which is to ask him to leave. That way you can take a week or so and get prepared to go into plan b.

The OW is not your friend and do not listen to any of her bullcrap.

I have confronted three different OW in my life (2 of my ex H and my sister's) and they are all LIARS and throw the WH under the bus while the happily continue contact.

Her parents may be an ally in breaking up the affair but do not believe for one second that she is your friend.

Don't waste your time drafting her emails that you believe will help your situation.

Set the bar high for recovery -- either he follows the checklist that Melody posted, or he's out. Recovery from an affair is a very narrow path -- do not deviate from it, or you will end up in a false recovery and in the same boat further down the line.

In regards to his other affair. It did happen. It wasn't full sex, like this affair, but might as well have been. Purely physical in hindsight, but definitely happened because he felt a brief bond to her. I confronted the woman, who was a casual *friend* of mine. She never responded to my message. However, husband told me that he had told OW2 today that I had found out. And to that, this OW2 responded by deleting all connection with him on social media and telling him to never talk to her again.