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Hi everyone,

I thought I read a story in HNHN (or one of Dr. Harley's other books) but couldn't find it to share with someone in a similar situation.

The story goes something like this: an executive marries a beauty thinking she will stay home instead of work, be luxurious and spoiled (and also be, ahem, "ready" for him the instant he came home). She, however, thought a great perk of marrying this high-earner was being able to start her own business, and this caused friction between them.

Does anyone recognize this story? Was it, perhaps, in an earlier version but then cut with the most recent revision? Or maybe I got it from elsewhere but have been attributing it to HNHN all this time...?

Thanks in advance,

DTC


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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Happy Easter Daisy...
I remember the story being told on the radio show. The executive was in love with his secretary, and when they finally got married, she thought she was now going to be his partner. Of course he had imagined she'd always be his subordinate.

I'm not sure if it's in one of the books as well. I will see if it's in the financial support section of HNHN.

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Thank you. The thing I remember sticking out to me is that he wanted a woman at home, laying around in pretty nighties and fluffy shoes - kinda the fantasy land.

I always thought to myself, "I'd LOVE for a man to want only that from ME" but while away on a military trip I ran into a woman who was in a similar (though not the same) situation. She went to work when he hit a rough spot in his career and now gets more fulfillment out of her job than being home and available to meet his needs. She looks at is as living life for "her" rather than just life for "him." Of course, now that his career has re-stabilized, he wants to go back to where she was at home managing the home and being more available for him.

I couldn't remember how that story panned out. I actually bought HNHN for her. I read it before giving it to her, but didn't find the story.


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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She would best benefit from applying the Policy of Joint Agreement to her marriage.

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Originally Posted By: DaisyTheCat2
Thank you. The thing I remember sticking out to me is that he wanted a woman at home, laying around in pretty nighties and fluffy shoes - kinda the fantasy land.

I always thought to myself, "I'd LOVE for a man to want only that from ME" but while away on a military trip I ran into a woman who was in a similar (though not the same) situation. She went to work when he hit a rough spot in his career and now gets more fulfillment out of her job than being home and available to meet his needs. She looks at is as living life for "her" rather than just life for "him." Of course, now that his career has re-stabilized, he wants to go back to where she was at home managing the home and being more available for him.

I couldn't remember how that story panned out. I actually bought HNHN for her. I read it before giving it to her, but didn't find the story.


The basic problem is that she is below the romantic love threshold with her husband, and as such is not enthusastic about meeting his needs.

The solution is to follow the PoRH, PoJA, and the PoUA. I'd bet a wooden nickel that they don't get 15 hours a week of solid UA time.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted By: DaisyTheCat2
She went to work when he hit a rough spot in his career and now gets more fulfillment out of her job than being home and available to meet his needs. She looks at is as living life for "her" rather than just life for "him."


She wouldn't feel that way if she were in love with him. Can you imagine someone saying this if they were in a passionate, romantic love relationship? It also sounds like she has engaged in a lot of sacrifice, rather than meeting his needs in a way that was good for her marriage. That creates incompatibility and inspires the attitude of "By golly, I have given and given! It is my time to GET!" Sacrifice leads to resentment and entitlement which leads to independent behavior. It sounds like that is what has happened here. Her marriage is on a downward spiral but she probably doesn't understand why.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
Originally Posted By: DaisyTheCat2
Thank you. The thing I remember sticking out to me is that he wanted a woman at home, laying around in pretty nighties and fluffy shoes - kinda the fantasy land.

I always thought to myself, "I'd LOVE for a man to want only that from ME" but while away on a military trip I ran into a woman who was in a similar (though not the same) situation. She went to work when he hit a rough spot in his career and now gets more fulfillment out of her job than being home and available to meet his needs. She looks at is as living life for "her" rather than just life for "him." Of course, now that his career has re-stabilized, he wants to go back to where she was at home managing the home and being more available for him.

I couldn't remember how that story panned out. I actually bought HNHN for her. I read it before giving it to her, but didn't find the story.


The basic problem is that she is below the romantic love threshold with her husband, and as such is not enthusastic about meeting his needs.

The solution is to follow the PoRH, PoJA, and the PoUA. I'd bet a wooden nickel that they don't get 15 hours a week of solid UA time.


Precisely!


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
The solution is to follow the PoRH, PoJA, and the PoUA. I'd bet a wooden nickel that they don't get 15 hours a week of solid UA time.


Dr. Harley's advice to her would be to try to get him to do these three things with her, as a first approach. Then come back later with more questions if he isn't willing to, or if it doesn't seem to be working.

Dr. Harley talks a lot about "concentric circles" in looking for solutions - he starts with the simplest solution, then moves outward to more and more broad solutions. The first step is to find out how her husband feels about trying this more integrated approach to marriage that will turn her feelings around for him.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by DidntQuit
Happy Easter Daisy...
I remember the story being told on the radio show. The executive was in love with his secretary, and when they finally got married, she thought she was now going to be his partner. Of course he had imagined she'd always be his subordinate.

I'm not sure if it's in one of the books as well. I will see if it's in the financial support section of HNHN.


Realize it's been a few years... did anyone ever track down this story? I still haven't. I wonder if it's not in any MB materials, so I was encouraged to read that someone remembered a similar story on the show


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer

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