Hi,
I have been engaged for about 2 years, i have been living with my fiance for about that long. A couple months ago I had a PA with someone. I have told my SO about it but I can't get this OM off my mind. My SO has been willing to work things out, but I am not so sure about it. My feelings are so mixed up I don't know what to do.

Well, the most important thing I think is to not get married before these feelings have been resolved AND you understand what caused those feelings AND you know what it will take to prevent them again AND you are BOTH willing to do what it takes.

Maybe spend some time in the Infidelity forums to see just how painful and disastrous infidelity is on a marraige and on the family. Definitely read up on the basic concepts of this web site FIRST, spending time in areas like ENs and Infidelity so you can hopefully discover what it is that is missing from your relationship that is causing you to look elsewhere to find even a little bit of extra happiness, comfort, security, excitement, affection, etc.

Bottom line: if you are not ready to get married, don't get married.

Smile

Personally, I think you and your SO should be examining your entire relationship. If you can't be faithful before the wedding, I would not advise your SO to marry you.

If you both wish to proceed with the ceremony, then you need to take several steps, or you are just headed down the aisle and straight to divorce court.

1.) You have absolutely, positively NO CONTACT with OM under any circumstances at all.

2.) Read the BOOK "Surviving an Affair" and take all the steps advised in the book.

3.) Ditto with "His Needs Her Needs".

4.) Ditto with "Love Busters".

5.) Go out on the "Just Found Out" board and read ALL of this thread: Cerri's thread for all MB related conversation and questions . All of it.

Now, if you are not willing to take step #1; then, you are just dragging your SO along for an excruiatingly painful ride and I ask you not to marry him.

<small>[ August 26, 2003, 10:58 AM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>