I've been with my girlfriend, Eli, for 9 months yesterday. Before that I was in the seminary studying to be a priest at age 18. And yet even before that I was with Eli for about 5 months. I decided to go into the seminary despite I was going against what my heart felt was right because I felt that I “needed” to. She is younger then I am. Our friendship first started to change from a platonic friendship to a romantic relationship when she was 14 I was 17. She’s now 16 and I am 19. Until recently there wasn’t really a problem with out ages for either of us. But now, our relationship is getting more serious. We talk about marriage, and ask questions that prepare us for it. We are rapidly learning about one another and the more me learn the more we desire matrimony. It’s hard for her because she is 16, still in highschool, and not really free to make her decisions. I feel that she is still young, but I can’t help myself from wanting the family I’ve always wanted and picturing her in my dreams as the fulfillment to those dreams. I’ve loved her in a romantic way for over a year and a half. I’m trying to be as objective as I can. I want to make sure I’m not messing her up, making her grow too soon.
Besides not going to fast, I think that slowing down would be good for me. The only problem is, the more I try to slow down I am always pushed back somehow. I’m into reading and researching about marriage. The more I read and prepare that more I want it. Even looking for a site to post this message gives me greater hope, desire and I feel it deepen my love for her.
Do you think the age difference between us at this time in our life posses a big problem? What advice can you give me regarding my relationship?
FYI, Her parents love me, my parents love her, and we actually spend most out time with either her parents or my parents.

Hi ATG,
Welcome to Marriage Builders. The first thing I thought of as I was reading your post was not necessarily that she is too young...that's a given, but that you are too young. 19? That is extremely young. You have a lot of growing to do...both of you. You are both going to change a lot in the next 4-5 years. Why do you feel such a strong need to be married right now? Could you not wait a few years and work on the relationship out of wedlock? What's the rush?
Another thing, I think 9 months is too short a time to be dating and considering marriage regardless of your ages.
I don't think the three year age gap is an issue. I do think that you are both too young and to be making this lifelong decision. I don't understand why you feel like you need to jump into this so quickly.

Take care,
Smile

It was not legal for you to have sex when she was 14,15, and 16. What were you thinking man? You went from heaven to hell first wanting to be a priest and then committing statuary rape on a girl too young to have sex. If you look at the laws of your state, you will see that what you did was wrong. Now she is sexually bonded to you and that is wrong since she was way too young all along. You both are in a world of hurt and the whole thing is wrong. Do not marry now. Wait for 5 years. If you still love each other after you grow up, then think about it. You are still committing rape as we speak since she is still too young to be having sex with anyone. Where is your head, man. You should be arrested and in jail. LEAVE HER ALONE TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. YOU ARE A PREDATOR.

<small>[ October 11, 2003, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 10:42 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Baba, I'm a virgin. I've made a commitment with myself to wait until marriage and I don't plan on giving up on it, ever.
We are both very young and obviously we have a lot of growing to do. What I wanted was other people’s opinion of the age gap between us now. I know that 3 years isn’t a lot when both people are over 21. I mean 21 to 24 are completely common, especially when the guy is the older partner. What I am having trouble in particularly is my prayer and meditation. When I reflect on my relationship I’m emotionally driven to such extremes that my intellect has to pull me back to reality only to give me this “whiplash” of emotional shock. I want to marry this girl. I know that I am not ready and that she isn’t ready. Even if we could lawfully marry I wouldn’t at this time. It is just that I am constantly fighting my emotions. I guess I can tell I need to wait for more complete maturity, I just don’t want to. Everyone says wait, don’t hurry, but my heart says something else. My heart has always guided me to great destination and to deny my heart is something that I am having trouble doing. The only thing I can put this on is that I am in love and love makes people do (and feel) stupid things. Not that this is stupid, just unreasonable and very difficult to deal with.

For Always Trust God,I too would suggest waiting . Long engagements can be good! Consider an engagement after Eli gradguates,Perhaps that would give you more time and yet not have to give up the girl you feel strongly for. I am not surprised both families want you two together!Your parents and hers may be to encouraging!.Good Luck!