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I am at a point that I feel so lost and hopeless.
Somedays I don't know wether I am coming or going.
I need to find my way back to who I was before I had the affair, before I hurt so many people, before I lost my husband, before I became pregnant.
I can't look deep inside because I am so empty, there is nothing to find.
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{ {Saving Grace} }}}}}}}}}}}}}}
So sorry for your pain. If you can't look inside yourself, can to look to God and ask Him to help you look inside yourself? Ask him to change you not for who you were before the affair but to an even BETTER and more AWESOME you. Ask Him for forgiveness (I am sure you already have) just like we ALL need- then accept that forgiveness, and ask him to reveal His plans for you and to give you peace. And to soften your husband's heart. And work on forgiving yourself. It's hard I know but you hold yourself back when you don't forgive yourself. Your life, and the life you carry, and your marriage, mean a great deal to God- He has a purpose for you.
Blessings to you.
Adgirl48
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Joined: Oct 2004
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Hi there Saving Grace
Remember that God never looks at the person you were, but always at the person you can be. Most of the great men from the bible had some terrible pasts, but God knew what they could become. We must have the same faith in ourselves that He has in us!!!
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Keep the faith alive
GWK
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Thank You GWK~
Sometimes I just find it so difficult to even have the strength to find my faith, I have been away from Him for so long. To long.
SG
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SG- Don't forget, all you need is the faith of a mustard seed. You don't have to have much strength at all- remember, Jesus says to come to him, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and he will give you rest. It's hard and you have to work on your marriage- but just remember, Jesus is carrying you.
Take care!!!
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adgirl48
I'm glad you reminded me of Him carrying me. On the wall in our bedroom is the perfectly printed "Footprints in the Sand". I shall go home and read it and remember I am not alone.
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Do you also have someone in real life that can help you, that you can talk to, who won't judge you but will just love you?
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You know right now I can honestly say no to that. My mom is an alcholic and can't deal with her own problems, my family doesn't really know what to do, my brother is my H's bestfriend and is over by his house almost every weekend. I have a hard time with my SIL becuase I think she is to close to my H. I have lost all of my friends becuase of my idiot choices. THe only one I talk to truly is my therapist and my husband, and I think my therapist is getting a little to close to me because she called me at 10:30 last night to see if I had the baby yet. I confide in my H but I don't want to burden him either. That is why my heart has come to these forums. They have really helped and given me much comfort.
SG
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Oh {{{{{{{{{{{{{{SG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am just so sad that you dont' have anyone you can count on right now. I know you made idiot choices, but my goodness, will no friend forgive you and help you through this?!?! That is just awful I think. What do you mean about your therapist getting too close? It's a woman right? Do you think she is trying to be mothering or nosy or what? Is your brother angry with you because your H is his best friend? I can understand that being hard because your brother is your family, but your H is his friend- but still, where is the forgiveness and the love? If you want to email me off of here, you can at adgirl1020@yahoo.com
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I been away to long, I had the baby! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
She is a beautiful little (6lbs, 6oz at birth but now 5.131lbs) girl. My H even named her which was totally unexpected to me. I want to write more but I wanted everyone to know.
PS I think she looks just like our other daughter, I pulled out some pics and I think they do. Don't want to get my hopes up becuase they both look so much like me, which can still be a blessing.
SG
Just wanted to let you know I'm doing ok.
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SG,
You DID post! I missed it because of the weekend crazies. Sorry about that!! I hope you get some rest soon! haha Typing one-handed can't be easy!!
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} 2 daughters- oh the emotional roller coasters!
adgirl48
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