I know there's no rules in an Affair. But one of the things that adds to the pain is my H shares information w/OW about me and "what I thought was" my private life.<P>Examples of this are my family background, my health issues, my interests, my salary, my hopes and dreams ... just about anything I had considered private and between he and I is up for grabs.<P>I know she is privi to all this info because of her phone msgs and voice pages, she uses and wheels the information to hurt me.<P>Don't they have anything better to talk about ? (rhetorical)<P>Jo

Hey, look at it this way...<P>You must be absolutely FASCINATING!!!<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi

Thanks Kathi .... Never thought of it like that.<P>Jo

Jo<P>I had the same thing happen to me. The OW freak called to "apologize". Fine, that would have been enough. But, she ended up keeping me on the phone for a good hour and a half, telling me what my life is all about!<P>It was very scary, and very sad to hear of all the things that were shared with her by my H. My salary, where I work, my little quirks, his dreams, our dogs. Everything.<P>It ticked me off. I do not know where they get the gaul to talk about things like that with someone else. <P>I'm with Kathi. Let's think we're fascinating! Seems that my H and your H just couldn't stop talking about us! Sure made the OW feel good, huh? Let's get a laugh out of that one! They must feel pretty intimidated by us, seeing as they're trying to throw our own lives into our faces. Ugh!<P>And, obviously (even though this was supposed to be rhetorical), they don't have anything better to talk about, because we are better, and they know it! <P>Just my 2 cents. <P>--purplemag <BR>

Thanks PurpleMag<P>Yeah, the OW has sd a few times she's so jealous of his love for me.<P>Gosh, I sure hope I don't eat my words or jinx myself by saying this ... but, I am his WIFE of 15 yrs, something I believe she'll never be.<P>And even if she did become his wife by some miracle ... my poor, poor H.

My H's OW also told me how "sick" we were and we deserved each other along with other information. It kills me that people I don't know, know about me. She and her friends' entertainment is their affairs. Like a live soap opera. She is mad because my H came back to me yet again. (The last two times were the only ones I knew he was having an A) It seems all the other men permanently left their families for her and my H broke her track record. Well, the way I feel now if she can have him. I've just had it. I think they deserve each other.<P>I think women who get involved with this lifestyle have no life of their own or the ability to develop a life. They embroil themselves in others and destroy what they can't have. It's pathetic.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><B>Examples of this are my family background, my health issues, my interests, my salary, ... just about anything I had considered private and between he and I is up for grabs.<P>Jo</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Jo,<P>My H's ow does the same exact thing to me. For some reason i'd love to know how they decided that "pillow talk" included my past stay in a psych hospital, that my best freind died, that my parents had a bitter divorce, and the only reason he is 'afraid' to leave me is because of my temper and the house we built.<P>That's just it. Once the newness of an affair dies down, there is nothing else to talk about except stuff like that. Things she can use against us, the FS, in order to keep the WS in her clutches.<P>Sooner or later, maybe your H will realize what my H "says" he's finally realized...that this ow was a liar, manipulator, and plain out psycho.<P>Too bad that even 18 months after he gave her the heave-ho, she is still harassing me with the same old information he stupidly gave her in the first place. Pathetic really.<P>Thoughts and prayers...<P>CDA<BR>

I learned not to share relationship information with someone outside the relationship a long time ago. I had told my H about an experience I had years ago that lead to so much heartache by doing that. I explained how destructive it was, how trust was ruined, and all those other people's opinions don't matter and just muddy the picture. He said he understood. He said he agreed, but do you know what? He shared our relationship with not just his EA partner or his PA partners. He blabbed his one-sided stories to all his friends too. <P>While I am sitting here in silence with no outside support or anyone whispering in my ear about I should do this or that, all his friends are telling him he has a horrible life, why should he put up with that, and he deserves better. His lovers are eating up all the information and using it against me to make themselves look better. Oh, your W doesn't want to have a baby? I will! Your W doesn't stroke your ego? I will! Your W doesn't appreciate that you're such a hunky and talented guy? I do! I do! Flex for me, baby! (kiss kiss) Yuck.<P>The thing that kills me is I know next to nothing about any of them, except how wonderful they are of course. (Except he has unknowingly revealed some dark stuff in the guise of complimenting them). They know next to nothing about the real him. His selective story telling could only benefit him. <P>While he was out there saying things like, "I have a bad marriage. My wife doesn't love me. My wife doesn't appreciate and take care of me." he was creating his own reality. I didn't see our lives that way. It was years into the infidelity before I ever saw anything. He singlehandedly took something so full of promise and love and turned it into something rotton. <P>Who are all these people and what are they doing in my relationship?

Hi, Resilient, nice new name.<P>3 years ago I found a long letter my H wrote to his "BestFriend", the OW. The topic he touched on was a problem I was having, and he sought her wisdom and had been apparently sharing this with her for some time. He repeated verbatim a conversation we had had that afternoon, where he asked me questions while we were walking the dog, and I answered thoughtfully, digging into my heart. That was one of our D-days. I confronted him that I had snooped and found this letter, that I now realized what he had been writing all that time when he sat with the pad on his knees after leaving me and our son in another room. Every detail of the weekend was written down, and lots of complimentary stuff about their last night out together (which I had reluctantly agreed to - yes, hit me, I was a weenie to go along with it, but at one time I really believed we were happily married and that a platonic female friendship was no threat to our marriage). <P>It was humiliating to see him asking advice from this CHILD about a personal thing that I kept private from all but my oldest friend. <P>Kathi's comment, as usual, pithy, succinct, and right on the bullseye. Wish I had that knack, I always appreciate your insight!<P>Sorry Resilient, sorry. <P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

"Who are all these people and what are they doing in my relationship?"<P>No Sh*t Popeye! It's made me feel like I no longer want to share my feelings or anything else w/my H. Out of pure habit I start to tell him something personal and then stop ... he says "what's the matter"? and I say "From my lips to OW ears".<P>Just another ugly thing that hurts as a result of his selfishness and infidelity.<P>Jo