<BR>I'm the WS. BS doesn't know.<BR>I'm 39.8, BS 47, OP 31.<BR>Child 6.9<P>I lived with my future wife for 4+ years before being married (now over 11 years, total 16). I was on a hard rebound from my first sexual relationship. She was looking, hard for a H after 3 failed marriages and at least 2 multi-year live in relationships.<P>I have a very strong personality in almost all areas except my dealings with women. I tried to end the relationship several times before marriage. But I still cared for her and could not abide her pain. I always relented.<P>And the last time I relented, I resolved to cheat periodically with an escort. It got me a little more SF, and I felt a little less trapped.<P>A family crisis left me in need of BS help. She married me knowing I'd probably prefer someone else. I married her because I owed it to her, and I felt guilty for wasting her biological clock years. [OW very pissed about that guilt trip.] She wanted a child so very, very, badly.<P>In many, many, ways the marriage has been a good one. She has been a better wife than she was a girlfriend. I spent a small fortune on fertility treatments, and we have the most amazing daughter.<P>But about once every 2 months I'd have my 1hr encounter. I was very careful in the type of escorts I selected. I've never had any problems.<P>But looking at the EN list, my wife never came close to meeting the top 2. One of them, quite honestly, she really can't meet and she knows it. The other one (SF) she flatly doesn't want to meet. While I met 2 of the top 3 I would expect her to name. (The 3rd, the one I don't meet, is Honesty. Duh!)<P>I do not believe in divorce in the presence of children and I don't WANT one. I sometimes (infrequently, I'm picky) met women who might be wife / lover material. I had a simple rule: under no circumstances get into a situation where I might sleep with them. I had my PA with escorts, and I bet a great deal of money, happiness, etc. on the theory that I would never meet an escort that was lover material (by my definition).<P>How many escorts do you think sport perfect SAT/GRE scores, advanced degrees, and unusual political / philisophical viewpoints that just happen to match mine? This lady didn't just know John Stuart Mill's On Liberty, she taught it at the college level. One of her academic specialties is moral theory. (That isn't a joke.)<P>Maybe that isn't your idea of the perfect temptress. But it was pure crack cocaine for me. (Being talented at being kinky didn't hurt, but it was the intellectual stuff that was irresistable).<P>The OW would kiss my wife's feet once a week if she could be a co-wife. She was an abandoned daughter, and desperately does not want to do that to mine. She says she would actually prefer to be a co-wife to a just plain wife.<P>Another unusual thing. If you are going to have a EA/PA, then part of the EA is to complain about the BS to the OP. I have *described* my BS to the OP. But the OP has noted that I never complain about her, and rush to defend her to OP if OP expresses some disapproval of something.<P>Also OP tries to suggest things to make my relationship with BS better. She pushed me into getting a very extravagant gift (lifetime heirloom quality NYC Tiffany jewelry) that satisfied a long time desire / want of BS. OP also got a gift, but only 1/9th as expensive as BS's.<P>Finally, the OW is somewhat frail. That argues against her on a practical level. But my resources could literally make a life and death difference. How do I possibly dismiss that when it is someone I love?<P>Another factor: I was flatly worried that my future wife would commit suicide if I left. It wasn't an idle worry. She is prone to depression anyway and has confessed to prior attempts. Finding out about my A would probably put her in a massive downward spiral, let alone me leaving.<P>Ok. So I'm the selfish foolish self-absorbed jerk that is having his cake and eating it too. I love two women. Two women love me. It seems a certainty that the OW matches about 4 of my 5 ENs, while I think I match all 5 of hers. I match my wife on family commitment and financial support. For the first time she has the family, home, and financial support she has always dreamed of. And I DO NOT want to take it from her.<P>I have lately been very explicit with the OW. If I am not considered someone she would love to be married too then I have to pull out, because the risks would no longer match the benefits. Winding up alone without either one would devestate me.<P>It is killing me that when this all comes unraveled I won't be the one to pay the price. It should be me, if there is a price to be paid.<P>If the OW wasn't ethical she would encourage me to leave my BS. Her financial condition is horrible. A divorce would 'devastate' me financially, but what I would have left would look like a fortune to the OW.<P>And if I was a complete jerk I would blame my BS for everything and take off.<P>If I didn't have a conscience I wouldn't have this pain.<P>

Welcome <B>seattle_john</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You know what's right and what's wrong...<BR>Your OW knows it too!<P>It's time to accept your level of maturity...<BR>...break off the realtionship with your OW...<BR>...and get into counseling (may MB counseling if possible)!<P>To continue doing what is wrong...<BR>...will bring destruction to everyone in your life.<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<BR>...no matter what the outcome is.... Plan A is the <B>right path</B>!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

I have felt the need to read this about 6 times and am still at a loss as to what to even begin to say to you. <P> I have a few questions though.<BR> #1 What on earth is a CO WIFE??<P> #2 How does a paid escort for 1 hour meet your EM of SF?? ALl you needed was an hour more of sex, or was it because it was with a different person than your wife?<P> # 3 Does your wife have any idea about your affairs,liasons??<P> # 4. DO you want to stay married??

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by alexy:<BR><B>I have felt the need to read this about 6 times and am still at a loss as to what to even begin to say to you. <P> I have a few questions though.<BR> #1 What on earth is a CO WIFE??<P> #2 How does a paid escort for 1 hour meet your EM of SF?? ALl you needed was an hour more of sex, or was it because it was with a different person than your wife?<P> # 3 Does your wife have any idea about your affairs,liasons??<P> # 4. DO you want to stay married??</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>1. Polygamy. Think morman fundamentalist, or Joseph with 4 wives in the old testament.<BR>2. Different is part of it. Being allowed to be the type of lover (mechanically) I think a man should be is also a part of it.<BR>3. No. Sure, most of the time a wife can name the OW as soon as she knows an A exists. 'It has to be X'. BS doesn't know name of OW. OW lives 3,000 miles away.<BR>4. I want to be married. I feel an incredibly powerful pull to meet current obligations.<P>The stress comes from trying to meet mutually incompatible obligations.<P>Look; I *know* the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. I know it rarely is. The transition costs are unimaginably severe.<P><BR>

I'll probably make you really mad/upset at me, but here goes. I'm apologizing ahead of time, okay.<P>I used to do what the OW is doing - only I didn't get PAID for it. I just didn't want any commitment but I wanted the sex and recreational companionship. MARRIED men fit the bill because they were safe by not wanting a commitment - at first anyway. I had my own money already or else I could've made a fortune if that was the route I wanted. (See the Bulletin Board "In Recovery" - Does extramarital sex count as an EN?" I posted some of my story there).<P>IF you were to stop giving ANY money, jewelry, etc. to this OW, how long would she still be around for you?? Don't forget, she's trained at making you believe you are the greatest thing to ever walk the face of the earth. Face it, it's HER JOB, no matter how intelligent she is in other fields. I'm very willing to bet she is not broke like you think she is. She obviously makes more money at this JOB than she did teaching or why else would she do it. A woman with a "regular" job can get sex anytime she wants IT.<P>Test her - tell her something terrible happened and you just went belly up financially. (Tell her your wife left you and it was her money all along, now you have to pay a ton of child support, etc). NO more money, gifts, dinners, etc. Nothing at all. You won't be able to use her "escort service" any more. And don't cave on your story. Give it half a year or so. I doubt it'll take that long before she's had a change of heart and she's nowhere to be found for you. <P>Of course she matches your EN now. I used to play all those games with married men. They love it, thinking you're right on track with them on everything! And that's what it is - games. First of all, I say put as much effort into your WIFE as you do this OW, and if you can't do that, believe me you are doing your wife NO FAVORS by what you're doing with this OW. But I have to agree with you about the SF part of it, I would go beserk if I married my husband and found out that was low on his list. I do sympathize with you there.<P>Your story is a lot like my husbands also, in that the exwife had married him knowing he really wasn't in love with her, but she told him he'd learn to love her. Her clock was running out too. I think you guys are the "Mr. Fix It" John Gray talks about! They stayed married 14 years and he cheated on her the whole time. (No he isn't one I'd been with, I didn't even know him until years later). She finally divorced him. Hey, like you said, he got to have his cake and eat it too.<P>If you do keep on with the OW, which I hope you don't, TRY my suggestion and let us know how it's going in about 6 months.<P>Sorry man, I don't mean to come down on you so hard, but I used to be in the OW position, and I am so ashamed of it. You're just one of the men helping her prolong her agony.

P.S. Sorry, I gotta rag on you a little bit more. Got to thinking about it more...it's probably every married woman's dream to be the "co-wife". You'd supply the co-wife with the money for everything she needs and when you see the co-wife she'll always be all dolled up every time, looking fresh and great and ready for you.<P>Why? Because she hasn't been cleaning your old nasty socks and underwear, scrubbing the toilet you've been using, vacuuming the floors you've been walking on all week, cooking your meals everyday for you, taking care of your kids, or listening to all your problems you have at work. <P>She could come and go as she pleases without having to answer to you as to where she's been (since she's just the co-wife). She could be with other men and you can't say a thing. Hey, I know. Unfortunately been there done that, except for the money part. It's just a picnic for her. But it's wrong. <P>Give your wife the appreciation she deserves for all she does do for you. You did say in many, many ways the marriage has been a good one. Date HER again and see if she'll come around in the SF department. She's probably feeling like, "wow, the big 50 is not too far around the corner", - look how much younger you are than her, so make her feel young again. Guys, it all STARTS with you, then hopefully she will follow suit. Send her little gifts for no reason. When you get that urge, call her and tell her. Make it clear what you'd like with her in the bedroom, or elsewhere. Give her that chance to be what you'd like from that OW. You just might be surprised. I truly hope you give it a try.<P>I'm changing your challenge I gave you in the last letter. Instead of "wasting" any more of your time with the OW, because we really do know how that will eventually turn out, take those 6 months and put your all into the relationship YOU HAVE NOW. She's already proven herself for you. Good luck man, and Seattle, I'm listening! Haha.!

[]<BR>1. Polygamy. Think morman fundamentalist, or Joseph with 4 wives in the old testament.<P> OK are you and your wife MORMAN, or are you looking at this from that standpoint to make it better for you??<P><BR>2. Different is part of it. Being allowed to be the type of lover (mechanically) I think a man should be is also a part of it<BR>.<BR> Could you EXPlain to me please what type of lover you think a man should ba allowed to be?? Where you got your views on that? And if it is the same for women in your mind?<P>3. No. Sure, most of the time a wife can name the OW as soon as she knows an A exists. 'It has to be X'. BS doesn't know name of OW. OW lives 3,000 miles away.<P> WELL, When my husband told me of his affair I had NO idea whom it was. We BS are not magical, or psycics, If we were I can tell you we would rid our worlds of our particular OP's in a New York minute. If your OW lives 3000 miles away, how are you maintaining the A?<P><BR>4. I want to be married. I feel an incredibly powerful pull to meet current obligations.<P> What is your particualar definition of marriage??<P>The stress comes from trying to meet mutually incompatible obligations.<P> To lessen your stress, I suggest being honest with your wife, and truly working on the marriage. I suggest reading Give and Take and His needs and her needs also. Both very good and enlightening books.<P>Look; I *know* the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. I know it rarely is. The transition costs are unimaginably severe.<P> OK for the grass is greener thing, all LAWNS when neglected, ( and they will be for NO ONE can have 2 lives as you do without some type of neglect occuring) Will turn brown. They will thrive with the attention they are deserving. YOu have the ability to make your "GRASS" the best grass on the block.<P> I felt the need to ask you questions because frankly I have never seen a story such as yours. I will be looking for your reply.<P> I also hope that you seriously take the advice and challenge of Trying2bok. Read what they wrote, they make such wonderful sense.<P>[/B][/QUOTE]<P>

Hi SJ,<P>Welcome to Marriage Builders. You have identified yourself as the WS, so you are aware that the normal trend of this site is to encourage you to rebuild your marriage. <P>You will not find encouragement here to continue the relationship with the OW. Please read the information posted here by NSR. He is a fine man who helps many get the correct understanding of the basic concepts. With that background behind you good progress can be made for your marriage. This is dependent on how much you are willing to put forth in making your marriage better. <P>May I share an observation, here is your quote:<P>"How many escorts do you think sport perfect SAT/GRE scores, advanced degrees, and unusual political / philisophical viewpoints that just happen to match mine? This lady didn't just know John Stuart Mill's On Liberty, she taught it at the college level. One of her academic specialties is moral theory. (That isn't a joke.)<P>Maybe that isn't your idea of the perfect temptress. But it was pure crack cocaine for me. (Being talented at being kinky didn't hurt, but it was the intellectual stuff that was irresistable).<P>The OW would kiss my wife's feet once a week if she could be a co-wife. She was an abandoned daughter, and desperately does not want to do that to mine. She says she would actually prefer to be a co-wife to a just plain wife.<P>Another unusual thing. If you are going to have a EA/PA, then part of the EA is to complain about the BS to the OP. I have *described* my BS to the OP. But the OP has noted that I never complain about her, and rush to defend her to OP if OP expresses some disapproval of something.<P>Also OP tries to suggest things to make my relationship with BS better. She pushed me into getting a very extravagant gift (lifetime heirloom quality NYC Tiffany jewelry) that satisfied a long time desire / want of BS. OP also got a gift, but only 1/9th as expensive as BS's.<P>Finally, the OW is somewhat frail. That argues against her on a practical level. But my resources could literally make a life and death difference. How do I possibly dismiss that when it is someone I love?<P><BR>If the OW wasn't ethical she would encourage me to leave my BS. Her financial condition is horrible. A divorce would 'devastate' me financially, but what I would have left would look like a fortune to the OW."<P>Based on the above quote, I have a few questions:<P>1. Your OW is intelligent, over 3000 miles away, yet in debit up to her ears and you wonder why she is willing to settle for whatever portion of you she can get?<P>2. This OW is meeting your ENs more than your wife, warrants gifts, has you convinced that she is a good match yet would drain you of your assets and you could cause your wife to commit suicide? <P>3. Do you really think the OW 'wants' to send you back to your W? <P>Let me share why I am asking these awful blunt questions. You see the OW in my H's life was all this and more. Oh, yes she was rich, going to give H money, prestige, travel everything he 'wanted'. As she told him at one point, you have me what else do you need? OW claimed intelligence. Degree in biology. Owned at least 2 website businesses (selling tea and sew clothes). Has her own home, claimed her H made 1/4 million annualy and she travels to the orient frequently on 'business', she promised to give H a healthier lifestyle and make him healthier than he had ever been. OW claimed to make $80k - over 100k per year. OW claimed to send H back to his family 3 - 5 times. Ow claimed that her family would welcome WS with open arms. OW even told her neighbors that her 'new boyfriend' was moving in with her. <P>That was then, this is now. OW still owns the 2 businesses, still has her home (near forclosure), 1 vehicle repossessed, would give money to H but asked for $998 per month if H would live with her, wanted $150.00 per month when she claimed she was pregnant(without proof), claims her H put her in debit because he doesn't pay his bills, her H does not live at their home, he had an apt where he pays over $2700.00 per month in a lease agreement (now he moved again), she claimed to have money to loan her WS if it meant her final commitment to OW and OW claimed to be pregnant twice but convinced her WS that she miscarried both times (without proof) and that at 45 years old she is ignorant about pregnancy issues (in spite of her degree in biology and claiming to know all about life and would teach H all he needed to know). Also, H lost about 20 lbs. while all this has been going on, H got sick and should be under doctor's care, now is having heart palpitation problems. OW claimed not to have any medical insurance. OW also pulled H away from his family over 10 times with many cruel e-mails to me and very seductive messages to H and degrading comments about me to H in their e-mail correspondence. OW said her family would disown her if they knew she was seeing and impregnated by a 'married man'. OW threatened to move the other end of the country. OW claimed that when she had the baby, she would move far away and the WS would not get to see the baby (no baby - OW claims to have miscarried - again no proof). <P>This OW was a lot of hot air. Lot of talk. Oh yea, another one..... OW bought H a shirt while on vacation with him. H even tried the shirt on..... when they got back, OW gave the shirt to her H. Said her H asked for it. Oh there are more stories. <P>Same OW different story. When push came to shove and the OW really had to show her stuff (like when WS went to live with OW - 10 days), all that story about how great the OW was started to crumble. Guess what, OW did not look that good everyday when she woke up. She could not hide her deception, her ugliness showed up. You wonder why she is alone? Hm....... in my case it's a wonder that her H did nto leave sooner. Where there inconsistent stories? Yes, but my H did not see it. Until much later. H claimed that the OW would never lie. That her H was the bad one. Oh about OWs home, in a nice neighborhood, but her home requires a lot of repair work, hm..... got H to do some for her. In exchange for??????<P>Let's give you another scenario. When OW and H bough their home over 3 years ago, OW was on the title, she was taken off in less than 3 months after the sale. Why? OW claims because she did not trust her H. Hm........ 3 years later, her H is not living at home but OW has the house and is upset that her H is leaving her with the bills. Is that bad? Well, what would you do if your W was advertising herself on the internet (looking for married men to have an affair with), bringing these men to your home for sex and sending pictures of her nude body (or body parts) via e-mails to other men? <P>Yep, that is what some OWs do. Be wary of those who sound real nice. More often than not, they are not nice. If they were, they certainly would not that available for you. <P>L. <P><BR> <P><BR>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 12, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 13, 2001).]

<sorry, hit submit without new content><BR><p>[This message has been edited by seattle_john (edited August 13, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Trying2BeOkay:<BR><B>I'll probably make you really mad/upset at me, but here goes. I'm apologizing ahead of time, okay.<P><BR>Sorry man, I don't mean to come down on you so hard, but I used to be in the OW position, and I am so ashamed of it. You're just one of the men helping her prolong her agony. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, first of all you didn't come down on me hard. Your suggestions were reasonable. But there is always more to it than that.<P>I'll just say that I have a better tap on her financial situation than you might think, and it isn't what you suppose.<P>And if you know any single men that have a genuis IQ, wouldn't mind a woman that was smarter than they were, had a fundamentally libertarian philisophical outlook, and would not think she is the scum of the earth for ever working as an escort, let me know. I'll introduce them.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Trying2BeOkay:<BR><B>P.S. Sorry, I gotta rag on you a little bit more. Got to thinking about it more...it's probably every married woman's dream to be the "co-wife". <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>She has that now, as the mistress. She would prefer the financial security that would come with being part of a family. She'd be happy to wash my socks. At least she says she would. After all, I have a washer/dryer.<P>As for my wife, I am trying to work on that as well. I wrote her a long email (I'm a geek, and this way she read it and had time to reply). I told her I love her and she is pretty. (She is, she looks early 30s). I've tried to do some other things as well.<P>She did respond somewhat.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by alexy:<BR><B> OK are you and your wife MORMAN, or are you looking at this from that standpoint to make it better for you??<P> Could you EXPlain to me please what type of lover you think a man should ba allowed to be?? Where you got your views on that? And if it is the same for women in your mind?<P> WELL, When my husband told me of his affair I had NO idea whom it was. We BS are not magical, or psycics, If we were I can tell you we would rid our worlds of our particular OP's in a New York minute. If your OW lives 3000 miles away, how are you maintaining the A?<P><BR>4. I want to be married. I feel an incredibly powerful pull to meet current obligations.<P> What is your particualar definition of marriage??<P>The stress comes from trying to meet mutually incompatible obligations.<P> OK for the grass is greener thing, all LAWNS when neglected, ( and they will be for NO ONE can have 2 lives as you do without some type of neglect occuring) Will turn brown. They will thrive with the attention they are deserving. YOu have the ability to make your "GRASS" the best grass on the block.<P> I felt the need to ask you questions because frankly I have never seen a story such as yours. I will be looking for your reply.<P> I also hope that you seriously take the advice and challenge of Trying2bok. Read what they wrote, they make such wonderful sense.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>We are not Mormon. Nor would I be the sole beneficiary. The potential for shared child care, more finanical resources, and other things exist. I could actually take my wife out Dancing, for example, as late as she wanted.<P>Nor am I sure it could work. A number of Morman Fundamentalist men will tell you that if you don't have a religious glue for why you are doing it, you'll never be able to deal with all the problems such a situation would bring.<P>Type of lover: Well, I'd like to caress every part of the woman, for starters. I'd like to perform oral on her sometimes (and in reverse it would be nice if she offered but it isn't that important to me). And I'd also like to express a sexual imagination. Finally, I'd like to feel it was joyous and fun, rather than a mechanical duty. Yes, goes both ways.<P>Definition of marriage: either the same one you operate under (which I am violating) or something like an Islamic one with 2 wives (there is a religious duty to treat them equally, but telling them to get lost 3 times and being free doesn't sound right at all).<P>How do I maintain the A? Airplanes tickets.<P>Tending my own lawn: it is arguably better tended now than it was before the A. I try harder, even at home.<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Hi SJ,<P>1. Your OW is intelligent, over 3000 miles away, yet in debit up to her ears and you wonder why she is willing to settle for whatever portion of you she can get?<P>2. This OW is meeting your ENs more than your wife, warrants gifts, has you convinced that she is a good match yet would drain you of your assets and you could cause your wife to commit suicide? <P>3. Do you really think the OW 'wants' to send you back to your W? <P>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 13, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>First of all, I'm sorry about the horrible scenario that has happened to you and your H. Warning taken.<P>1. Actually, I'm wondering why she doesn't beg me to leave W.<BR>2. OW isn't quite draining me of assets. It is a leak, not a breach in the dam.<BR>3. I have spent a week at a time with OW on occasion. So I know what she looks like when she wakes up, gets sick, or has an argument.<BR>4. It is impossible to fool a highly intelligent person into believing that you are also highly intelligent when you are not. Erudition can't be faked, not long term.<P>And finally: there are a number of reasons that most men would not want this particular OW. At least not once they got to know her.<P>I do not suffer from a lack of the ability to cite things about her or her history that I would prefer different.<P>Peace<P><BR>

I agree with what Orchid has told you . This site is geared towards Building up YOUR MARRIAGE. NOw my final question to you is this, What is it you are looking for on this site??<P> I think you need to have NO CONTACT with your OW and for that matter come clean to your wife. ABOUT IT ALL!! the years of escorts. Don't you think she deserves ALL of you , not just the PIECES of you, you have offered to her?<BR>

Are you still around??

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by alexy:<BR><B>Are you still around??</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, I am still around. I think a previous post got lost.<P>Note that I did not expect support, if anything I was expecting to get beat up. Such things help focus the mind.<P>I have learned a great deal form this site, and I have appreciated the messages. The Emotional Needs theory explains a lot. So does the comments regarding an A being an addiction. I'm definitely addicted.<P>I thought someone said that they had never heard a story like mine, but I can't find that now.<P>I am starting to think that maybe I don't have a typical A. A typical A involves sneaking off at lunch, or out late while 'working at the office' and only occasionally spending an actual day together with the OW.<P>That I spend multiple days at a time with the OW has me wondering if I'm already a bigamist. I'm also wondering if that has any implications for how I handle things, how difficult a seperation (Plan A) would be, etc.<P>My wife told me last night that I was addicted to sex. I certainly think about it a great deal, but I've learned not to bother her. (Also, she gets ureatheritis about every time we do have sex, guess that dampens desire a lot).<P>For reference, I think my wife and I have been together about 14 times this year. I could get a bit more if I begged constantly, but I've stopped doing that. Besides, I don't want my pleasure to come at the expense of her ureatheritis.<P><BR>

First, no A's are Typical, they each have their own little life. What you have is two LIVES!<P> My question is still, what is it your looking for out of this site. I can tell you that I will listen, post, try to advise, BUT I will in no way Condone you maintaining contact with OW or Not being honest to your wife.<P> My other suggestion is that you read GIVE and take, and his needs/her needs. No one in here is going to BLAST you for your choices, most ,however, will not be supportive if you are not trying to BUILD your MARRIAGE.<P> Are you going to give up your OW?? Are you ready to be honest with your wife??<BR> <BR>Allie

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by alexy:<BR><B> First, no A's are Typical, they each have their own little life. What you have is two LIVES!<P> Are you going to give up your OW?? Are you ready to be honest with your wife??<BR> <BR>Allie</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Give me faithfulness and honesty. But not yet. I haven't hit the wall. I'm still addicted. I'll stay addicted awhile longer.<P>I now know, however, how I can recover if I so choose.<P>Peace<BR>

Then WHY ARE YOU IN THIS SITE??

John--<P>What are these frailties of OW's that you mention?<P>Laura