My husband has confessed that he has cheated numerous times in our 8 year marriage. He was also visiting strip clubs and various other things. He was sexually molested as a child and also completely neglected as a child-verified. I had absolutely no idea anything was going on, and the Lord convicted him to tell me. I am positive that he is repentant, and that he wants the marriage to work. He was never given instruction or advice on relationships or on responsibility. I am writing to ask a serious question. I believe that the Lord is leading me to completely forgive him and to stay with him. I feel confident that my husband now has a deep relationship with the Lord, and will be trusting in that. But my question is this: He has asked me to formulate a new budget, making sure he has only $20-25 per day for gas and food-he works two hours from the house, so the gas bill is high. What do you think about that, and when should I begin to trust him with more? He confessed last Monday, and he has already begun to show signs of significant changes-constant communication, talking about his feelings, asking about mine, and showing signs of remarkable service. I know that some may say it will not last, but in previous times when my husband has been shown his error, he immediately corrects it. We had both assumed the other was staying to keep our promise of NO Divorce. I was sick for 3 1/2 years with migraines, and his parents divorced because his mother was an excessive hypochondriac-his father absentee workaholic. I never considered straying, and have been devoted to him, praying that things would get better-not knowing all this was going on. What do you think?

I hate to break the news, but you BOTH need to sit down and put the bible away for awhile and talk about all the issues that may be a cause for your marriage to have ended up this way...It may not be all him in other words

Sorry for your pain.
IMO you can work this out. It would help if you get Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs to work through this. Both are available here in the bookstore.

At least he confessed and wants to work it out. Thats a lot better than the position most of us are in.

I don't know everything about this M but if you are both willing to fix it it can be fixed.

<small>[ May 20, 2003, 09:48 PM: Message edited by: hurting12 ]</small>

get into marriage councelling and get another male christian that is respected held in high esteem at church to be accountable to.
perhaps there is a support group of men meeting at church that he can meet with once a week or every two weeks..perhaps have him check into
Promise Keepers or one of the other groups that are doing marriage covenant groups.
try not to go secular the churches are having retreats for married couples this might even be good for you to do.
but don't just open your heart and doors to him without making sure a support and accountability is in place first.
and pray..
you also need to be in a recovery group.
EarthAngel. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I agree that it was not all his fault. There were problems at work and when he would tell me about them, I would tell him that I didn't marry him for money and that I was okay where I was. In his family that translated I don't believe you will ever be a success. I didn't know that until we talked this last weekend. I had also told him that I didn't expect anything else from him, which meant that I wouldn't demand anything from him and that what he provided was enough, but that translated I didn't need him or want him. We spent the entire weekend talking candidly about everything that led to this and I have apologized for not trying to understand his words based on his childhood. He is being really good about calling me during the day to tell me he is okay, and that again, he is committed to working this out. Another big thing, is that the Lord has not allowed him to have any success at work (he is a salesman). Since he told me, the Lord has allowed him to sign 2 contracts with another 2 that will close by next Tuesday, which is helping him to feel like a good provider-another reason for straying. I am trying to be very understanding and forgiving, and for only having known for 9 days, I think I am doing pretty good. I have told him that I can't stay with him if it happens again-in any form, as it will lead to worse activities. He is pretty broken, and has even talked with a friend about it. I am not sure I am ready to talk about it yet. I hold a prominent position in our church and also in the small community we live in. I am considering letting him prove himself this time, since he came to me, and then if anything else happens, I can start talking. I haven't told him what I plan to do about this yet. I am not sure that I will tell him.