Dear Lori:
I don't know how you got to be so sweet, but thank you for your kind words and support.
As a former WS, I value your opinion (I mean I would value it anyway, but I think it may have even more merit to me in this situation). You say you continued to love your husband during your affair, but was there ever a point where you either stopped loving him or told him you no longer loved him even if you did?
My wife is revising history to suit her present actions and mindset. She tells me she married me for my family; we never really had a good marriage; she hasn't loved me for a long time, etc. It hurts to hear this from her.
It hurt even more today when I went home to old house to give the kids a hug (I was away for the weekend so did not have them), and wife has packed up some of my stuff (mainly books) for me, including our wedding album. I cried in front of my oldest son who was there (the rest of them had gone out) and told him I was sorry for all I had done and for allowing this to happen to him.
He told me I was the best father. That helped. He is so quiet, though, unlike younger son and me. He hides everything and wife and I have to draw things out of him.
I am so sad about the impact my wife's decisions are having, or will shortly have, on our wonderful children. They are so precious and don't deserve this.
My wife does not appear to show any shame. Maybe she hides it well. I hope the revelation you received will be what happens to her. Does it take some time? I confronted wife 6 days ago.
I am glad your marriage is back on track. Fantastic. This weekend I got re-acquainted with a fellow a couple of years older than me. Her asked about me and my wife (not knowing about separation). I told him the news and he told me that "I can relate to you because me and my wife were separated for 6 years, and have been back together now for 18 months".
You can be sure I picked his brain for everything I could. I doubt I could wait 6 years, even if WS did want to re-connect after a time.
Thanks again. I appreciate it.
Shaken
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by smiling_now:
<strong> Hi Shaken
I just want to say my heart goes out to you and to encourage you to stay strong and dont lose hope. I think you are correct in going to plan B at this time as your wife shows no remorse, the affair is ongoing after discovery, and you are at the end of your rope it seems as far as holding out any hope of things changing if you were to keep things status quo..
I am the WS.. I say that not proudly but so I can give you my perspective on what might be going on with your wife.. After the affair is discovered life will change for your wife. She will begin to feel the shame of what she has been doing in realizing others know, she will begin to realize she didnt get away with it, the secret is out, the forbidden love isnt quite as wonderful when shame enters in. Slowly the fantasyland love begins to crack and crumble as reality begins to creep in. Thats what happened to me.
In my case, I never stopped loving my husband even during the affair but I felt I needed the OM.. I was addicted to the feelings and the excitement..the passion..I thought I loved this man but once my husband found out I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what an incredibly horrible mistake it all was, and I was as devastated as my husband was. Even so, I was suffering withdrawals, it was very difficult to let go of the addiction to my OM..and it took me awhile and my husband was hurt again and again. Finally I ended the affair and thankfully my husband was still there..loving me and wanting to make our marriage work..I am the luckiest woman alive to have this man in my life and I know it and thank God also for an end to the internet addiction that started me down this very painful road. I love my husband dearly and our marriage is back on track.. I am so fortunate and I know it.. I am truly happy and at peace today, and so is he.
May you find an answer in letting go and gving her enough rope to hang herself (figuratively of course)....Let her go and let her find out what life is like without any contact with you..without your love.. If she still is blinded in the fog.. stay the course and move on..but dont be surprised.. She just may show up on your doorstep one day.. ready to try again.. Your decdision then will be do you really need this or were you better off alone.. She will know right now that is possible..she may lose you for good..I have a feeling things are going to change since you have gone to Plan B.. I wish you luck regardless of what happens from this day. Take care of yourself in the meantime.
Thinking of you,
Lori </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
