edited for personal reasons

<small>[ March 20, 2004, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: RWukovich ]</small>

RW,

I'm so sorry she does not seem to want to try but I have to tell you one thing she is probably trying to do is blame you for her lying ways and her cheating.. YOU are not to blame for her affair. It falls only on her shoulders.. so dont buy what she is saying to her 'so called' best friend.. I was also wondering does this friend cheat too?..because usually 'birds of a feather'...as the saying goes.. Who else can she tell her awful story to?..Who else will enpathize with her knowing she is a betrayer?

She is sooo into the fog she cant see straight right now RW, and honestly maybe she will have to move out for a time to find out for herself. Most affairs end and once the initial high is over most lose their lustre, believe me.. I have been there and I can tell you what starts out with such excitement and passion can change just as abruptly when realism hits.. and maybe this will be for the best..if she moves and gets to see the OM freely and the forbidden aspect of this is gone because she is free..

I hope you will talk to the counselor about this and take care of yourself.. You need someone else also..a friend, a family member, someone who cares about you and will be there for you.. Stay busy dont grovel dont beg and dont give in to her..dont accept that this is your fault either.. If you have loved her and been a caring husband (remember none of us are perfect thats not what I mean), if you are trying now, you need to continue holding your head up and dont allow her to put the blame on you.. Keep posting and reading..good luck to you..

Wishing you well..and hoping you will stay strong and know that others do care.. Take care.. I will post more Monday..

Hugs
Lmh

Well, my previous post indicated things don't look so good to me, and now I'm really surprised. I was on the way home yesterday, and I noticed what a beautiful day it was. I decided I would ask WW to take a walk with me. Surprisingly, she agreed. I don't remember the last time we just took a walk for nothing. I know she's concerned about whether or not we can even forgive each other. I tried explaining every person has the capacity within themselves to forgive, and I don't want to forget, this is my eye opener, my learning experience, and I'll never forget.

It was at this point, she started opening up to me. She expressed her biggest fear is staying, and nothing changing. She doesn't want to spend the next 5 years wishing she had left. I don't want that either. I asked if she could give me 6 months to show her. This is where it really started getting interesting. She indicated she didn't want to waste any more of her life on a go nowhere relationship. I said, "What's 6 months to prove myself compared to the last 7 years?". She said, "Good point." and further explained she felt I deserved at least that much. Now, I'm thinking at this point, maybe things aren't over, I have more of a chance than I thought I did after the first counseling session.

We started sharing ideas on how to handle this 6 month period. Here's what we came up with.

She will move into a nearby 1 bedroom apt, that's all she can afford with her budget. I offered to continue making her car payments and paying her insurance for the next 6 months. She's still my wife and is giving me the chance I asked for. She said I didn't have to, but I'm already doing it now, and if we decide to split up in 6 months I'll stop paying them. She said ok.

We will spend a minimum of 30 minutes a day talking to each other with no interuptions.

The kids will stay with 1 parent for a couple of days, and then the other for a couple of days, and we'll alternate like that. We just want to make this as unstressful on the kids as possible, and we both want to continue being there for them.

We'll date exclusively with each other, there will be no OP. She says she's giving me the chance to fall in love with me again, not someone else. We have not established how many times a week we'll go do something. Personally, I'd like it to be 3 or 4 times a week.

We'll continue to go to our weekly counseling sessions until no longer needed.

At this point, of her on volition, she tells me she called OM today and told him if she decided to work on our marriage there would have to be NC. She said he didn't like the idea, but understood she needs to do what she needs to do. I figure before this conversation I had lost her anyway, so I figure she's got no reason to lie to me at this point. I realized she had this conversation before we made these plans, which indicates the NC should be initiated soon, and I will continue to pressure until I know it's been initiated.

If you read the last post (since deleted for personal reasons) then you know she was pretty much done with us. Now it looks like, I've been doing the right things, and may have said a few of the right things.

Why don't spouses come with a guide book? Needless to say, she left this morning for her girls only camping trip with our 2 daughters, and her best friend since high school and her 2 daughters. 6 girls...out in the woods...sounds like a horror movie waiting to happen. They'll be home Sunday afternoon, and we have our first date, ok, it's more of a lunch date, on Monday. I'm going to stop and pick up a nice modest sized floral bouquet on the way.

WW mentioned at some point I was more than free to talk to best friend. So I did last night. I was so relieved to find out I wasn't hated, and that the support was for WW to do whatever it was she felt like she had to do to be happy. Best friend is really excited for us. Coming from Best Friend who knew about all of this from the beginning, I feel more positive about these turn of events.

<small>[ March 20, 2004, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: RWukovich ]</small>

RW

Please go back and reread this whole post again.. Slow down and read some of the things she has said to you in the last week. She is deep in the addiction of this affair and you think things will improve if she moves out?..You are going to help her with her bills so she can swing it huh? I'm so sorry to say this but you are allowing her to walk all over you.. She is buttering you up so you will help her financially...she has not stopped with the OM and moving out will drive her into his arms.. I would bet my life on it..

She sounds very selfish and shows no remorse for what she is putting you through..she does not say she will stop seeing OM and why should she? She will be free..she wont have to worry you are key logging what shes doing on the computer any longer, she wont have to worry about you not going to baghdad or that you will be around to see what she is up to every moment...she will be in her own apartment and living free as a single woman...

Please rethink helping her with her bills so she can afford to move out unless you want to lose your wife. I think you are not seeing the forest for the trees..but to each his own..I do believe you need to read more on this site and get the experiences of so many who have been down the same road youre on..I think she's on her way out the door and the next step is divorce..I'm so sorry you are making it so easy for her ..she's manipulating you cant you see???

I wish you luck
Lmh

<small>[ March 21, 2004, 09:10 AM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

LMH,

You're right. I guess I got excited all might not be lost and that I had my foot in the door. After I got off work Saturday, I went to Borders and picked up "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs/Her Needs". "Lovebusters" is on order and I should have it by the end of the week. I'm about half way through "Surviving an Affair" now. It was while I was reading that I realized we are heading in the wrong direction. I've got to convince her, if she's going to give me a try, then she's got to give up OM. We've got to give each other access to all of each others accounts.

Even if I do get her to stay, there is still the problem that she can still call/email OM from work. I'll never be able to have access to those accounts.

Maybe she'll see my Surviving an Affair lying around and actually read it. I think it might do her some good as well.

I'm still improving myself every day. I wish I had started this self improvement long ago. I feel really good about myself.

WW's camping with the girls, so the house is clean, and I've had lots of time to think. I've also been taking care of her horse. Of course, all I had to do yesterday was bring her in from her paddock and put her in her stall. Today, I let her out and cleaned her stall. WW said I didn't have to clean her stall, that she'd do it when she got back. I figure after the long drive it'll be nice to find a stall that doesn't need cleaning. I'm also going to pick up some stuff from the store for dinner. I just hope the don't stop somewhere along the way and get something.

I can't believe this is even happening. I just don't understand how I let this happen. Somehow I have to convince WW to stay here for us to work this out. We shouldn't be jumping out of Plan A so quickly I think. I just hope it doesn't come to Plan B. Only problem is, I can't stop her from leaving. I can only hope she sees the light and we can initiate NC with OM and start getting through withdrawel.

Thanks for taking the time to help steer me in the right direction, sometimes, it's difficult to think clearly through all the emotions.

A few posts up, I talked about a conversation WW and I had on Friday. The results seemed favorable at the time. I was just happy to get my foot in the door, and it wasn't until later after I had time to think about it, that I realized maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

WW was out camping with the kids, so I had a good long time to think about it. By the time WW and kids got home, house was completely cleaned, I had taken care of WW's horse, and I even planned and made dinner. Things seemed to be going very well. Then, after kids were asleep, I mentioned to WW about the things I had been thinking about, that maybe we should modify our arrangement some. This immediately put her on the defensive.

I remembered not to raise my voice, use sarcasm, or insults. She of course quickly resorted to sarcasm. She said I ruined a perfectly good evening. And, this is how I did it.

I once again asked her to completely break off all communication with OM. She still maintains if she does this, then it'll be other friends of hers in the long run, and refuses to give one bit. She absolutely refuses NC with OM. After listening to what she had to say, I tried explaining my side, she was hardly receptive. She has a LOT of resentment for the last 4 years, probably to the point of hatred. She has said she doesn't love me anymore, and I'm lucky that she's even willing to give me a chance to win back her love. I tried explaining, she's setting me up for failure by not agreeing to NC with OM. She doesn't agree. I asked if I could talk to OM. She wanted to know why. I said I wanted to tell him how I felt about her. She responded, so you can piss all over your territory like a dog?

Through all her sarcasm and insults, I still maintained my composure. She's in complete denial. The more we talked the more upset she became. And then she slipped a vital piece of information. OM is married with kids, and they are in counseling. That's the real reason why she didn't want to let me talk to him. She's afraid I'll tell OM's BS what's going on. She didn't want me to know he was married even. He lives several states away. It's not like they would ever be able to be together. If WW and I divorced we'd still live close to each other for the kids sake, and OM would probably do the same.

I know she called him on the 16th around midnight. She then called her work so his number wouldn't be in redial. However, she's not as smart as she thinks she is. As soon as the telephone bill for this month comes out, I'll have his number. Even if she hides the bill, I can still call the phone company and get the number placed on that day at that time, to OM's state.

She doesn't know it yet, but if it comes down to her moving out, I won't help her financially. She's going to have to do it on her own.

All this makes much more sense now. I was able to smooth things over enough last night that she didn't sleep on the couch. I was even able to sleep with my arm around her.

We're both pretty much in agreement to disagree about whether or not what she's doing is an affair or not. Her definition of an affair is the more widely accpeted physical one, while mine is an affair of the heart.

Our lunch date is still on for today. I'm going to stop and pick her up a bouquet of flowers and a card that says how I feel about her. I'm going to back off on the OM situation and leave that for counseling. I'll post later how lunch date goes.

<small>[ March 22, 2004, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: RWukovich ]</small>

Hi RW

I'm am happy to hear you are reading alot.. The books you have been reading are wonderful and will help you as well as reading at this board.. I have all the books and it has saved my marriage.. also this forum has done so much for me..and helped me find my way out of the fog I was in as well.

I am happy to hear you sound so much stronger and have your head on straight and that things seem to be going better. I agree with you about not enabling her to move out by helping with her expenses if she does so. That is just one more thing that will help her see this for what it is..nothing but fantasyland.

I wish you continued success and hope she will realize soon she is harming her marriage all for nothing but an illusion.

Take care and keep posting...youre doing great!

Lmh

We had our lunch date today. I thought it went well. I stopped and got her some flowers and a card. When I got to her work I saw a web page on her computer for a website that offers free email accounts. Well, she's created a new email account.

WW totally makes me feel she has no interest in continuing our marriage. It's just amazing, she tell's me stuff to my face and it's all smoke and glass. She went so far as to say she doesn't think what she's doing with OM is an affair.

To top it all off, she left a message for him on website called deviantart.com saying she was sooo horny, and was going to try being online later, even mentioned spiking my drink with ruffies. She's still declaring her love, etc.

She's also made it perfectly clear, without a doubt she's moving out. I fully expect her to cyber with OM tonight effectively making her caught in lies again.

Why am I even trying to stay in love with someone who has made it absolutely clear she doesn't love me and wants to move out? Why am I even bothering hoping she comes back? Seems like it's all nothing but a waste of time and energy on my part.

If she's just going to write me off, I don't understand the necessity for all the deception. Why let me think by dating that I stand a chance? I don't know how much longer I can take before it won't matter anymore, and I just let her go like she wants. It's like she's enjoying all the pain and suffering she's causing me.

Hi RW

I'm so sorry things are continuing but at least you know about it and can deal with the truth of what is going on. I think continuing to use the key logger is a good idea for now.

I am not a counselor but wonder if it is time to talk to your counselor about calling the OM's wife to let her know what is going on? Is that an option that you have considered? I think that would be my next step since affairs usually dont survive when reality hits... and if his wife knows this is going on she just might affect something you have been hoping for...and cause this lovely affair to hit the skids rather than continue ...just an idea..

I wish you luck and hope things turn around soon for you..

Lmh

On our lunch date yesterday, I asked WW if she'd be interested in identifying her top 5 emotional needs ranked by priority.

WW's Top 5 emotional needs ranked by importance:

1. Conversation/Recreational Companionship
2. Honesty and Openness
3. Affection
4. Family Commitment
5. Sexual Fulfillment

My Top 5 emotional needs ranked by importance:

1. Conversation
2. Honesty and openness
3. Affection
4. Recreational Companionship
5. Sexual Fulfillment

I was surprised to discover that our top 5 are very similar.

I did some more reading last night, and realized we're somewhere in Plan A. But that will only last for about a month. At this time, she is decided she is moving out at the end of next month. Being in Plan A, I reread about it, and decided to make the most of the next month. I'm not going to talk about OM. Told WW this morning I'm not going to push the OM issue. Instead, I'm going to focus on meeting her emotional needs. I know I can keep from raising my voice, sarcasm, insults, or selfish demands. I think it's going to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. I don't know if I can keep a blind eye knowing she is continuing her emotional affair with OM, and absolutely refuses to be swayed one way or the other from her deciding to do what she wants, when she wants.

I told her that I would not make her car payments, or pay for car insurance based on my understanding of what she claims to be the motivations for moving out. She says she doesn't know who she is anymore and wants to find out. She said who knows, she could come crawling back in a month.

On a side note, she did allow me to fulfill #5 on her emotional needs list. It was probably the most intense time we had in a long time. I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond in the mall. I selected some scented candles and a smoothing oil. Jasmine Vanilla is the flavor. Very, very, nice. Gave her a full body massage, not going to mention where it went from there. Love bank balance increase? Dunno...

Of course, afterwards she ran straight for the computer, and I'd even bet she was on the phone with OM last night. I'll have the OM's home number just as soon as my telephone biling cycle is complete. Phone company said they never have access to the information for the current billing cycle. Once I have his number, if it's not unlisted, I should be able to cross reference and get his address as well.

I just hate thinking about her finding out if I call OM's wife. I'm sure it would be over right then and there, for good.

I just can't stand this pit of despair I'm in, or the utter hopelessness of the situation.

I'm obtaining a new software today. EBlaster 3.0 to replace my current software. The current software doesn't show entire chat conversations, just her side. Going to appeal to her emotional need #2 and let her watch me uninstall the old software. Of course, she has no idea about the new software. I'll try and keep my cool about what's going on, but I refuse to allow myself to be blindsided.

Just got off the phone with WW. She was evaluating her budget for the changes of having to be responsible for her car and insurance. At this point she said something about seeing a bankruptcy lawyer. I said, isn't that kind of drastic? She said, it's only for 7 years, and only affects buying a house. My response was, well, there are alternatives. And she said,"like what?"

Sooo, I tell her that as long as she's still living with me, then I don't mind paying the car payment and the insurance. And, if we do manage to reconcile I'd really hate to see our chances at getting our own place hurt by this. I also mentioned that I told her this morning I was going to back off on the OM issue. She said she'd think about it.

But I definitly know I stand a better chance of winning back her love if she's still in the house vs. somewhere else.

Not sure where we're going, but I hope she stays, regardless of how difficult for me it will be.

Well, she went to the bookstore today, and bought a book. Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.

Appearantly, I'm not written off completely. Guess, I'll just keep focusing on her emotional needs. Next counseling session is on Thursday, wonder how that is going to go.

When I got home from work, I received an email from WW, it was a Dr. Phil relationship evaluation. The higher the number, the worse your relationship, and even said anything over 32 indicated a relationship in serious danger of failing. I scored a 37, would have had a lower score before DDay. Her score was a 48.

While reading activity logs, discovered she emailed or mailed a letter to OM. In it she appearantly talks about the decision of whether or not to stay and work this out or forge out alone. His response was he understood, and would respect whatever decision she made.

She admitted to having ambivalence about her situation, so it would seem she's not entirely convinced we can't have a new beginning.

On a side note, the activity logs indicated she logged off the computer to call him around 12:30 this morning. I woke up for some reason around that time. Went outside for a smoke, and there she was, on the phone with OM. She quickly darted inside, only to return a few minutes later. She asked why I was up, I said I woke up and decided to have a smoke. I then asked if that was OM, and she said,"yes". She then proceeded to explain of her own accord what they were talking about. WW got digital camera recently and has been taking some amazing pictures. She's got a wonderful eye. She said they were discussing those pictures. Whatever, not like I asked what they were talking about. I was upset by the mere fact they were talking. I didn't say anything else for awhile, and she asked if I was going to say anything. My response was what did she want me to say? Yeah, I'm upset, it hurts, but did she want me to get mad about it? She said no. Talked for a few minutes, in as much of a caring voice as I could. She managed to open up a little and said she's afraid. If she stays, it could end up the same way it's been going for so long. She also mentioned one of the first questions in the book she bought yesterday, asked if she was even in love in the beginning of the relationship, and she wasn't sure. I told her I understood her fear, and that I was here to work with her to make a new beginning better than before. We went inside, and I asked her to come to bed with me. She agreed.

So after I read the activity log this morning, I decided to call her at home and ask if she would stay off the computer totally tonight and talk with me after the kids go to bed. She wanted to know what for, and I said to spend time together, and to discuss the results of our relationship evaluation. I figure it couldn't hurt to analyze our answers and see what we could do to improve the different areas. She reluctantly agreed, and said something to the effect of great, 2 nights in a row we have to spend talking about our relationship. She mentioned her feelings aren't like a lightswitch that she can just turn on/off. I agreed, and mentioned if she'd open up to me and try to receptive, that it would help and over time we could be happier than either of has has ever been. Our next counseling session is tomorrow, so I guess she assumed we would spend the evening discussing it. I won't complain.

At this point I want to eliminate as much time as I can that she spends online with OM. I feel at least that way, we can try and spend some quality time together. Tonight, may be difficult but I think if I done right, could do some good. I need every opportunity to swing the scales.

LMH is right, if she moves out, I'm sure it'll be over. I never imagined I'd be in this situation, experiencing this pain.

Hi there. I've read this whole thread and am moved by your situation.

First, let's get together on this responsibility thing. OK so your M was imperfect before. You can take about 50% of the responsibility for that but definitely not 100%. The A is 100% your W's responsibility because whatever the state of the relationship an EA wasn't the answer.

And don't let's argue about the definition of an A. Personally I'd say that they crossed the line when they started talking about loving each other but even if they're really "just friends" it's a relationship that's hurtful to you and that ought to be enough.

I think you definitely should tell the OMW. She has a right to know - especially since she and her H are in counselling. The effect will be to make your WW very, very angry. But is the OM offering to leave his W and live with her?

Lastly I'd say do not agree to her moving out or do anything to make that easier. She's in fog right now and will try to organise her life so that she can continue with both you and the OM. You need to run Plan A for long enough and well enough that your W sees (a) that a relationship with OM is not really an option and (b) that rebuilding her M is a more attractive option than she previously thought.

Hope this helps.

RW,

I think you are doing a good job keeping emotions under control but at what price? I dont know how you can deal with knowing she is on the phone with OM and talking to him online and then invite her to bed and not even be angry about it. I'm not so sure she is getting the message that you will NOT put up with this behavior. I think it is time you discuss her sending OM a no contact letter..she needs to start to show you she's trying ..Where is her remorse??

I am only saying if it was me I wouldnt be able to continue with someone who was treating me so disrespectfully.. Do you really want this relationship at all costs? Or do you want it only if she loves you and is willing to try too? It's up to you. Where is her remorse and compassion for the pain she's putting you through?

I also think you need to really consider contacting OMs wife to let her know whats going on if you can get the phone number. She has the right to know and I'm sure would appreciate not being in the dark about what her husband is up to. The biggest reason to do this is because affairs usually die with disclosure to the other spouse. Fantasy cannot survive in the face of reality you know.

I think monitoring her is a good idea but what good does it do if there are no consequences for the things you find? You continue to see she is betraying you. What will it take for you to set a few boundaries in this relationship? Disrespectful judgments and the other ideas discussed in the books youre reading are only for AFTER the WS has ended things with the affair partner...not while it is ongoing..I hope you will stick up for yourself and not allow her to walk on you RW.

If I were you I'd let her know in no uncertain terms the affair has to end ..but I'm not you. All of this is up to you and I wish you the best of luck.

Thinking of you
LMH

youre wife does still love you.The thing is she does not consider the chatting an affair and you do. I have been throught the same thing with my husband. He was hiding it from me and when I found out i was devastated. That was 9 months ago. Alot of talking , tears and such later i understand more. If he wanted to leave me he would have left a long time ago. He had every chance. He still has a friend he cybers with but he tells me when he is going to do it. He explains it like it is entertainment and he has told the other person that it is.Just for fun.( months ago I would never have believed him.I have even tried it and I still love my husband and have no intention of running off with my friend. My friend tells me everything I want to hear. But I still love my husband.Actually we are doing much better.We have made rules of conduct which you should know about being in the service. No emails, no phone calls and no showing private parts on web cam. I am not suggesting this as a soluation. I just feel your wife does love you but for some reason she is frustrated. It couuld be anything talk to her find out, This is the woman you love and should not be afraid to discuss anything with her. Let her know you want to talk and then let her dont react to something if it is hurtful hear her out then let her know how you feel. We used to talk for days. We had to to save our marraige.Just rember it is your marraige and you two are the ones who decide how it goes and what works for you.Do whatever feels right and works if it mean you will succeed.bless you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Lovesaved:

She's already admitted it's not all my fault. I agree, it's an EA, regardless of whether or not she thinks it is. She's had 4 long years to stew on her frustrations for my unintenionable negligence of our relationship. I have intercepted once or twice where she has indicated she hates seeing me hurt, but she's shown me no remorse. I intend to make an anonymous phone call to the wife just as soon as I'm able. I'm waiting for this month's telephone biling cycle to end so I can get the number.

I haven't gotten any indication that OM is willing to pack up and come live with WW. She knows I don't agree with her moving out, but I can't stop her. And she knows I won't do anything to help that end. I figure I'm in Plan A, as I've requested she cease all communication with OM. She has not complied or shown any interest in doing so. She's completely not happy with our marriage and says she's undecided whether or not she even wants to make it work. So, I trudge through Plan A, trying to meet all her Emotional Needs and not cause LB's.

I firmly believe she really is confused, I dont think EA is helping her deal with the current situation though. I'm hoping she'll stay offline tonight, and after our talk come to bed. Obviously there can't be anything online that she can't access tomorrow. I'm trying everything I can to show her that our her and my family are foremost in my focus for reconcilliation.

LMH:
It's extremely difficult to contain all the LB emotions. Oh, I was angry, but I didn't show it to her. I let her see the hurt. I've requested NC letter, but don't think I'm going to get anywhere with that until she decides if the marriage is even worth saving.

I love her more than anyone ever. I think it's possible if we give 100% to rekindle our relationship into something far beyond it ever was. I'm just trying everything I can to get her to trust me. She's afraid I won't be able to stay the new/improved me.

At this point, the hurt has been done, I monitor now, just to prevent myself from being blindsided.

I asked for NC with OM, but she refused. If she decides she wants to try to rekindle our relationship, I will demand NC with OM. At this moment though, I think I'm just as unsure as she is. She's talking personal bankruptcy just so she can afford to move out on her own. Appearantly she doesn't realize the impact this will have on her for the next 10 years. Either that or it's more diserable than being with me. To give you some idea of the horrible toll this is taking on me, I've lost 17 pounds since DDay, and that was 12 days ago. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I don't understand why she can't see how much I love her.

RW

I'm just so sorry you are going through this and I hope you will take care of yourself today. Go out with a friend, have a nice lunch or dinner, try to relax. I really think you are doing everything possible and in giving suggestions, I hope I am not coming across as if I think I have the answers for your life ..I am just a woman who has seen the other side and I am offering you my take on things.. but IT IS YOUR LIFE.. and you know better than anyone else what is best for you.. I think if you keep reading the books it will help alot in making decisions and in my mind, you have come to some good decisions already.

I agree that it's futile to ask for NC until she agrees she wants the marriage but it is a necessity to show her remorse and love and to begin the process of repairing your marriage..so I'm hoping in time she will come around.

I think your decision to call and inform OMW of the A is correct and has the potential to blow their EA out of the water..

As always I wish you well..
Be good to yourself today
Hugs
LMH

<small>[ March 24, 2004, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

LMH

I appreciate everyone's input, anything that can help me deal with this on a day to day basis is more than welcome. At this point I'm just trying to do everything I can to make staying and working this out attractive to her.

I was surprised when she agreed to stay offline tonight. I called her after she got to work, and I thanked her for agreeing to stay offline tonight. She said it wasn't like she had much choice. I pointed out I asked her, didn't tell her. But somehow I fear, when it gets late, she'll think of some excuse to get on. I get up for work at 5 am, so usually like to get to bed before midnight. Lately though, seems like she's rushing me off to bed. The key to tonight, well be keeping her off the computer and have her go to bed with me.

Ack, now my tummy's hurting again. Just thinking about her and all this is the worst, and I can't stop. There's got to be something I can do, something I can say, that will swing her decision in my favor. I just can't for the life of me, think of anything I haven't tried in the last 12 days.

Pinkypuddle:

I'm not so sure she loves me anymore, and she is planning on moving out. They aren't just cybering, they are pledging their love to each other. This is definitly a full blown emotional affair, and I don't know if I can snap her out of it. I'm hoping tonight we'll be able to talk about our feelings and hopefully work on a few emotional needs, hers and mine. There is just too much up in the air at the moment with no end in sight.