I'm 18 years old and have been with my fiance for 2.5 years. I recently found out that he has been emailing and calling prostitutes. I've asked him several times to be honest with me and tell me if he was cheating or hiding anything from me, and of course he says no. I finally confronted him with the proof this past Friday night and he started crying and telling me it was a big mistake and he didn't know what he was thinking at the time. He told me he only called and emailed them but that it never went any further than that. I really want to believe him but how can I trust his word now? Part of me wants to leave him but he holds all financial responcibility for me. He pays for our home, food, my schooling, everything. I'm just so hurt by this situation and I feel like my feelings are clouding my good judgement. Someone please help me, I really can't handle this pain and honestly don't know what to do. Thank you for taking the time to read my problem and I hope you can give me some sound advice.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Luckily you have found this site. My first question is why is he responsible for you financially. That puts you at a distinct disadvantage.

You should be able to get through school with grants, loans, etc.

If you suspect that he may be having sex with prostitues, please use protection to guard against HIV.

Please let us know a little more about your story. Where are your parents?

Keep posting here, you will get lots of great advice and support. It is miserable at first, but you will get through this.

Thank you sooooooooooooo much believer for even listening to my thoughts. To answer your questions: I dropped out of high school when i was 15 and got my g.e.d. so obviously no one wanted to give me scholarships or anything. And as for my parents, that's a drama in it self, my father and I don't have much of a relationship and my mother kicked me out on my 18th birthday.

As I said earlier, I dropped out(mostly due to drugs, alcohol, and bad decisions in friends). When I met my fiance I was at a really bad time in my life where EVERYTHING was going downhill. I can honestly say that if it weren't for him and all his support I probably wouldn't be around today. I know I love him, and he says he still loves me but I just can't understand how you could do that to someone you love. We talked a little while ago and I mentioned this site and the resources it provides, he seemed really interested in finding help for us to work through this. Do you think that's a good "sign"? I also told him I think we should hold off the engagement till we figure things out. It bothers me that he doesn't apologize for whatever was done and I don't think I should have to ask for it. Or do I?? I just don't know how I'm suppossed to feel about all this. I really love him and I'm scared of what this is doing to our relationship.

Hoku,

Welcome to MB. You have a great help already. I have questions. What is the age different between you ?. Do you ever suspect that he was wayward before he met you ?.

Both of you should get counseling. If you are a christian, check out your local church. In mine, they have pre-marital conseling for couple.

You have to sit back and think about what you want out of this R. Read Self matter & Self matter companionship by Dr. Phil, it will help you to find out about yourself.

Good luck. -rh-

I think it is very good that he is interested in making your relationship better. Now you need to keep reading here and applying all of the information.

Who knows what was in his head? People make stupid mistakes. When you start seeing others' stories, you will see all kinds of bad decisions. The trick is to learn from them.

Whatever happens, you will come out a better person by learning the things here. Stick with us.

Redhat:To answer your questions, he's turning 20 in June & he has was never like this before. In fact, if you met him you would have never guessed. He's so soft-spoken and such a sweetie. But I do have this feeling that the military might have changed him into who has become today. Thank you Believer & Redhat for your helpful words of encouragement, I'm starting to believe that we might be able to work through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I really want to believe him but how can I trust his word now?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't. He has to rebuild your trust. I have a thread on that one, so I'll bump it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm just so hurt by this situation and I feel like my feelings are clouding my good judgement. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know it hurts. What you need to do is get it all out and steel yourself to fix the situation.

Sit down with your H, and tell him (respectfully) how what he did makes you feel. Ask him for a plan to prevent this from ever happening again. Ask him for a plan to rebuild your trust. Remember, you have to be enthusiastic about this plan.

I'm sorry that you are hurting so badly. I wish I had magic words to make that go away, but I don't.

Welcome to MB.

You are hurting and very confused about what to do. I suggest you seek counseling to help you deal with your feelings, and he needs it as well to help him with his need to look out those women. He needs to be around better influences in his life and you may encourage him to go to a Church with you.

Hoku,

Both of you are still young and should be able to work it out. The best thing to do right now is figure out how you could be independent. In any R if one side is at disadvantage situation, it opens up for abuse.

Talk to the chaplin of his unit, you need to someone to help both of you.

-rh-

I was surfing the net today, when I realized I never again wrote in this thread. So I'm here to let you know that it worked out.

Ever since this whole situation started, I was unsure of his feelings for me and, of course, my feelings for him. But we completed and enforced the questionaires, and continue to do so every three months, and it has changed our entire relationship! Since I found out, he has given me extra-special attention, and goes out of his way to help me trust him again. We spend hours alone together just talking and cuddling.

I'm sooooooo happy with him now, and a great deal of the reason we work so well together now is MB. Thank you to all who read and replied to my messages, you have no idea how much I needed to hear those things. And for all of you who are hurting now, believe me when I tell you, the pain will pass and leave you with a greater sense of who you are, what you won't stand for, and what you really want in life. It won't be easy, but you can make it through this, *if you're both enthusiastic about it*..

Hoku - Thanks for keeping us posted. People here need to know that there is hope. I'm so happy that things are working out for you!