All-too-common story: 22-year marriage on rocks for at least 18 months, discovered her PA late July, big fight, she moves out, I'm left with kids (13 & 17). She stays at her parents' house until Nov, when they discover her PA; she moves in with her OM.<P>Current relations infrequent, cool, mostly friendly. She still blames me for stealing HER kids and house. Very angry, anxious to divorce. I'm initiating no contact. It's hard to be pleasant w/her when I hardly ever see or talk to her. I'm willing to wait out the PA, but lonely-empty-sad feelings pretty constant. Getting on with life, reading Harley and Weiner-Davis. Clearifying my values, improving appearance, keeping PMA, raising kids, working, etc. Preparing self for "next relationship," if not with her, then someone else.<P>Considering status quo for at least a couple more months, then Plan B. Not sure how effective that would be, since there's so little communication now. Any ideas?<P><BR>------------------<BR>Better Than Before,<BR>WOZ<P>[This message has been edited by woz (edited December 30, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by woz (edited January 03, 2001).]

Welcome <B>woz</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Those "lonely-empty-sad feelings..."... can only be offset by improving yourself (maybe for the next reltionship.)<P>Hold off the divorce as long as possible...<BR>...it will be to your advantage...<BR>...and for your kids too!<P>Reconsider the "no contact"...<BR>...unless she's angry about that(contact) too...<BR>If she doesn't allow yuo to contact her...<BR>...because she deems it a LB<BR>...you're still on an "regular" Plan A!<P>Hang tough... <P> <P>Jim

Jim,<P>Sorry, what's "LB"? Reconsider "no-contact" how?<P><P>------------------<BR>Better Than Before,<BR>WOZ

There are a bunch of acronyms we use...<P>Check out ===> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000557.html" TARGET=_blank>Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes</A>.<P>BTW: <B>LB</B> is the acronym for <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bust(ing)</A>.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... is best done when in contact with the WS...<BR>...check out my post... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P> <P>Jim

Even after these four months, it seems that my very existance is an annoyance to her. How can I deposit love units when she's still withdrawing? How can I ask her about her most important needs when she'd feel I'm invading her "space"? <P>On the other hand, since I'm taking 90% care of the kids, do I get points for domestic support and family commitment? How can I point this out to her in a nonjudgmental way?<P>What's the best time to make a pitch to meet her needs?<P><P>------------------<BR>Better Than Before,<BR>WOZ

I've been there...<P>Just do your best...<BR>...make sure that you take every opportunity... no matter how small.<P>There maybe a point where you have to step back...<BR>...do step back... but make it a temporary thing.<P>There is little you can do "verbally"...<BR>...since most of it will be taken as <B>you</B> "educating" her... (an LB)<P>Hang tough...<BR>...and learn about yourself during this time!<P> <P>Jim

She Knows . . .<P> . . .that her fling is temporary. Call it mutual, voluntary exploitation. All she wants from me--if I REALLY love her--is to let her go. Forget about her. Could that mean no contact? Divorce?? My own OP??? Not sure, not asking just yet. Staying the course, remaining pleasant and positive in our few interactions. I'm in this for the long haul, after all.<P>Why would she not want me to "fix" this? Why is she clinging to the worst? Why has she tied her self-respect to remaining apart?<P>Getting beyond my own guilt in the meantime, making plans, moving ahead, keeping to high road, keeping door open, not beckoning.<P>Hang with me, gang!<P>------------------<BR>Better Than Before,<BR>WOZ<p>[This message has been edited by woz (edited January 03, 2001).]