Being that she moved out I'm in a modified planA right now. Hard to have a better rapp when she has moved out.But I've been doing well.She is always the one to initiate contact.But on her days with the dog last week she went 3 1/2 days of NC with me then she called every day after that. Now I've put the ball in her court this week.She did say I'll see you sunday. We'll see.
Thanks for being my motivational speaker(writer) through this. Good to know people in the same boat.Had no idea that there could be a recipie or formula written for infidelity.They are all the same.So predictable.Then again we've been through this before.Now I know its fixable,there is hope.I'll continue to pray for a miracle!

Just keep making changes that she will notice. It is much better than trying to talk to them.

You should feel good that this guy seems to be no prize. He probably met her emotional needs by giving her attention and being helpful at first. And the stories he is telling about ex's might not be true.

It will be hard for them with that many kids around. And living where she works is not going to be pleasant for long. So make your home appealing. You are doing well with the money and checks, and fixing her car for her. That should start bringing her around. Good luck. I will pary for you both.

Thanks for the prayers. It is now 48 hrs since I saw her and she was told that I cancelled the D. Just 48 more hours give or take a few til she brings the dog back home.I know I shouldn't wonder,but I do.Did she file already? I would like to think that there was a clearing of the fog at least for a moment.I hope the subtle changes in the house, my attitude were noticed. The only thing that I noticed is I am beginning to be outwardly happy. More so than in years.
We were both being givers for so long.We both cared for each other so much that we didn't want to see the other unhappy,nor did we want to cause any unhappiness.So we didn't say anything negative and our passion/intamacy died.Hey did I just have an epiphany? I think so. I'm a conflict avoider and she didn't want to hurt my feelings.take care,God bless.Will be at it again tomorrow I'm sure.

Hopefully she did not file, but even if she did, don't get discouraged. Keep working on improving your home, work on the cars, and making changes in yourself. Also keep reading about Plan A and the 180 degree changes.

Try to go out with friends and have your own life. The more things you do, the better you will feel. You have to let her know (not by saying it) that you are making the best of the situation and able to cope fine without her.

Meanwhile back at the apartments, I'm sure her life isn't a bowl of cherries. Living where you work is very stressful. People will be bothering her constantly. Also she will start figuring out why this guy has two failed marriages already.

So what's a good reply/reaction if she does file? She did ask if I'd contest,I had said no.

I would tell her that I love her, want to stay married, and D is not an option. If she wants D, let her do it. In the meantime keep working on you. Change everything. That is what will convince her, changes.

Oh my problem - paid to get lights on Cherokee fixed, now the inside lights are on all of the time. Wish my H was around to fix it.

Hey,thanks. Still NC from WW since wed.p.m.
You're lights;did they change the switch? What year cherokee?

It is a 1997 Cherokee. The guy changed the wiring, it was wired for a trailer. But after he did the wiring, the inside lights are still on.

Well if the wiring was changed it is anyones guess.The interior lights need a ground to operate,the guy may have ground out a switch in the door or somewhere to get them to stay on.Did the jeep have the interior lights that stay on for a couple minutes after you removed the key and shut the door?
Well today is the doggie visitation return day. On her car keys she left the house key on the ring. I don't think she has another, so I guess she won't be able to drop the dog off before I get off of work.I'll remain as I've been,no LB's, withdrawn but available,confident, moving on,etc.. Don't expect any attitude change,just hopeful.I will continue to pray.

Don't expect an attitude change right away. It took my H months. Just know that the program here works and stick with it. Sometimes it doesn't feel right, but it is.

Be sure to do some fun stuff too. It gets very tiring just waiting and wondering. The more things you do for yourself, the easier it will be. At first it was hard for me to get out, but now I enjoy it.

No, I shouldn't expect an attitude change. She has only been out of the house 2weeks.She is got something to prove now.Since her mom told her it wouldn't work and I said it before she moved out. I'm sure the crazy in love feeling is still there.
It's my friday,and I have some projects lined up for my weekend.Picture hanging,car projects. Guess I need to get out and socialize a bit as well.

Yes get out and socialize. You will find out it is very enjoyable. But don't look around for anyone else. It will just add more problems at this stage.

It helps to have her mother tell her it won't work. Lot's of times WS's family will not confront them about anything. So this will help out your cause.

My WW's Mom was theorizing that with all the kids OM has that is a motivator for her to be with OM,since she has been unable to have one of her own.Also a friend of my WW said the same thing.I don't see that.Could they be right?
Also WW's dad is still very angry.He said"I'll never accept him,that's all I have to say about that." This is in regard to the house they just bought here for retirement.WW offered OM's services as a contractor to get stuff done to house.I still think contractor story is b.s.WW's dad and I get along like best friends.They see me as their son and always will.Also WW's mom said she doesn't want to move here to be instant g-ma.I told M-inlw that telling WW negative stuff about her A and OM will make WW try harder making relationship work.
Yes,I'm very vulnerable to an A of my own.I've had women at work try setting me up with "lonely women" that they know(cousins,friends). It sounded real good to me at the time.But when I think about it, I realize that I want to stay M and an A of my own will only complicate any reconcilliation that WILL take place.

Other people's kids get real annoying at times - and I'm a kid lover. But there will be many problems. Kids take a lot of time and cause lots of arguments.

When I married my H he had a son and daughter, 2 half sisters to them that were with us weekends and summers, and I had 2 boys. It was a life filled with work and not enough money.

You are wise to avoid dating. I almost did that. In fact I went out with a man I used to date - but I still felt married and was uncomfortable. Then I realized it was not the right thing for me. Plus you are very vulnerable, and likely to fall in love with the first person that treats you nice.

I wish my in-laws were like yours. Mine stay out of it and have even had OW to their house. If we ever reconcile, that is going to be one more problem to face. I feel very betrayed by them.

Once again she dropped our dog off before I returned home from work.But there was a note this time.Small talk about the dogs needs(she's 13) and a Love ya sign off.No mention of D.
Well gots lots ofs projects to gets toooo.
Hope all is well with you believer,thanks for sticking it out with my ramblings.

Had a great session with S.H. this a.m. I sent WW an email today explaining my position on terminating the D. Expressing the wanting to investigate options,with no guarantee no commitment.Now I don't know what she'll do. She hasn't read the email yet. I had to call her this a.m. to tell her I couldn't get an appt. for our dog at the vet.I told her I sent an email. Now she will probably stall from reading it for a couple days. who knows? Well gotta get busy lots of projects.I think I made a mistake before I hung up. I said"I miss you." She said"yes?" But no ILY was said. Hopefully that wasn't a slip up of desperation.

I don't think "I miss you" is too bad. That let's her know you have not given up. But don't cry and beg her. Just keep projects/changes going. I'm glad you are getting the counseling here. It will save you money in the long run.

She called at 5pm to tell me her W2 came in and she would be bringing it by on wednesday.I didn't pick up the phone I let the answering machine get it. That was hard to do.Especially when she sounded in such a good mood.Then again her good mood is probably attributed to OM.No worries,I'm not bummed that I wasn't responsible for the good mood.I know the outcome of that already.Hope she'll see me as her man when that day comes.I will be changed and I will be better for this no matter what.Without a shred of guilt that I didn't try to save us.God is my light, Jesus is my savior and miracles happen every day.

I also told her in the email that if she does file for D that I have changed my mind and I would contest it.Because I believe that there are alternatives to this.If you had a bad arm and a doc wanted to amputate but you knew there might be a chance to save it,wouldn't you want to take that chance.
Now I was wrong the last time about her being angry.But this time...well I dunno.I don't know how to say what those alternatives are.MC being one of them thats easy.But I am uneasy about asking her to end the A.That will illicit a very negative response from WW.Considering she is crazy in love with OM and has moved out.I could tell her that I love her and want to work on the M as soon as the A is over.That would not be beating around the bush.I could also say,I'm not trying to change you,that is between you and God.But I'm going to change me.
No particular point to this post. But how does all that sound?Any other suggestions will be appreciated.

No, no, no. It's okay to say you miss her, but don't talk about any other relationship talks. That will hurt your cause.

Continue doing what you have been doing. Fix her car and do things for her. Do not talk about OM. You have the upper hand here, because we know he is not right for her, and you are.

Keep doing changes and be kind to her. I'm not kidding when I give them a couple more months together. This has got to be getting old for her.