I gave h Protection letter with the things I packed up and left them by the door.

H called, asked how I was and asked if it was a good time to come get his things.

I said "yes, see you in a bit"

H pulled in driveway, got his things and left.

I thought for sure that he would ask to see our youngest who is home, but he didn't. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

In with the Protection letter I included a picture our 7 year old drew yesterday of "her family" and a picture of my H with our girls on our ATV (our favorite recreation).

My heart is breaking more for these kids than me.

My H slept in his truck last night, I feel bad. Tonight he will sleep in his hotel room (he works overnighters in transportation)

I wonder what my H is feeling? He seems so confident on the phone, happy. He says he doesn't want to be married to me anymore.

I am scared. I don't know what is worse at this point. Living with the knowledge that he is having relations with OW, but at least I had financial security and my kids had their Dad.

Or this, now I am alone, my kids miss their Dad and I don't know what he will do to me financially. And now he has free reign. Will my kids lose their house too?

Is this Protection Plan selfish on my part?

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

Can I talk to H on the phone in Plan B?

We are in the middle of refinancing the house too, when we have to sign papers (if he'll even do that at this point) I am going to need to see him.

This is way too complicated for me.

Plan B is to save your marriage. You may have had him home, but you didn't really have him. Harley says that Plan A usually does not get them back to marriage. It is only to show them what a good marriage they could have.

Start taking care of yourself and doing things. That really helps you get your self-esteem back (which is usually in the toilet by now). I started exercising, joined a women's Bible study, cleaned, rearranged, painted, etc.

With two little girls, you need to start taking care of you, so that you will have something to give to them. At first you might have to make yourself, but later it gets easier.

Thank you for your insight in plan B. It's very helpful

Can I talk to H on phone or email?

You can talk or email him about children and finances. But don't be lured into any relationship discussions, until all OW are out of the picture.

M, Please keep us updated how you are doing? I am in the very same situation as you are. But i still don't have the courage to go, but I can't control it. Pretty soon, i may be in Plan B. Lots of love and Hug for you and your girls.

Thanks for the support everyone.

I miss him, how stupid is that?

I wonder if he misses me. I keep hearing the kids ask when is Daddy coming home.

My H is different. He can adapt to any situation, he's military. I am scared that he will easily adapt to life without us. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

As I have reflected today on my decision, this came to me.

Since 1/06 D-day, everytime I broke down and said I couldn't do this anymore, my H would hold me and say "Yes you can, you are strong".

Everytime my H hugged me, I would get the impression that he was trying, when he admitted this past Saturday that he isn't.

Everytime he did these things he was only doing it for his own benefit. His own benefit being "if I can keep her a little bit happy here, I can stay here in the comfort of my home and lead my second life" This all being done at my expense. He HAD the best of both worlds.

This shed a different light on Plan B for me.

Everytime I get weak, I call my sister or come here.

My only other BIG concern now is financial and that could ultimately be what allows him to come back, holding an even BIGGER cloud over my head.

When I spoke with him yesterday and told him he was no longer welcome home until he ends this double life he said "ya know, you are not making this easy for me". I asked him what he meant and he didn't reply,

I wonder what he meant?

M, I know what you mean. I can see how similar our H's are. I got the false hope from him. He is not happy, I can tell. How is your first day so far?

1st day is o.k. It changes minute to minute.

I miss him, wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking.

On the other hand I feel a little liberated. I rejected him for a change.

I look around the house and think "I can do anything I want in here now and not have to ask or answer to him"

But he's probably thinking the same about his personal life now too.

M, do you work?

Yes, part time. 2 days a week. I am on salary and my place of business is paying a good salary for the 2 days. My job is only a 2 day job (sometimes I have to put a little time in at home, not often)

There's not enough work for me to put in extra hours.

I'm very sad right now and contemplating on whether it would be easier just to "live" with him.

I guess we would both be using each other in a sense. I don't know, it's all so confusing.

I don't see how us being seperated is helping right now. I can't picture him thinking about the girls and I and missing us the way we miss him.

Any seasoned Plan B'rs I would appreciate your advise right now.

I am in Plan B for one month now. Total darkness for the most part. It is lonely and hard. You will go through withdrawals just like he will. I am having a bad time of things. My WH can also adapt to any circumstance he was a marine for years. So much for Semper Fi huh? Anyway, just keep plugging away and feel free to email me at Tracestar@aol.com if you get lonely, I am always on and always lonely these days. Someday I will get a life. I also have a 3 YO son. He misses his dad terribly and asks constantly about his dad coming home. It will lessen as time goes by, I am a SAHM and I am worried financially also. We are going to have to sell our house, uproot my kids and the whole nine yards just like you. What are they thinking? I would love to know. Are you sure your H isn't my H? They sound an awful lot alike.

NY

How many times have you thought of asking him to come home?

I feel very selfish right now...

It also doesn't help that I ended my really good Plan A by punching him.

I got so angry as he was sitting there telling my kids that he has tried. I got so angry that I hauled off and nailed him a couple of times.

My family says I didn't hit him hard enough.

At that point is when I decided Plan B was the only option because I was also out of control, if anything I am doing this to bring myself back under control.

I gave myself a week goal right now for Plan B, I will reavaluate my situation at that time.

One more thing, how do you handle visitation?

Tonight my mom is picking up the kids and bringing them to her house where my H will spend some time with them but this can't be my permanent situation. I can't be relying on my mother like that, it's not fair.

I hesistate on letting my H take the kids without supervision.

He has been telling me that he's lied to me for that past 15 years (he always treated me nothing less than a princess). That he was never in love with me, stayed with me to protect me, and that I don't really know who he is.

I found cyber-sex that he was into and a lot of pornography on his laptop.

I told him that I would never leave the kids with a stranger and he has admitted that he is a stranger to me.

He is in the middle of fogland right now. Try not to take his fogtalk too personally. If he treated you and the children good before, I would not be worried about now.

You can have him pickup kids at your house, or have him spend time with them at home, and you leave. Just don't discuss anything with him except finances and childred. That will be hard to do, because he will bait you.

Hopefully you won't punch him out again.

How many times have you thought of asking him to come home? Oh, about a million, but it wouldn't do me any good. My WH is "in love" with the OW, he says he doesn't understand it and he can't make me understand either. So Plan B was the best option for me. I also felt like puching his lights out several times. But I didn't. That really wasn't a very good way to end Plan A. I ended Plan A with a very nice lunch with him and our kids, and a kiss on the cheek and I told him how much I loved him and he said he knew. So I feel like I ended Plan A good. It might not have been long enough though. But it was long enough for me. I was no longer mentally capable of handling the emotional roller coaster I was on. I had bad thoughts, and I almost went to the hospital. Sooo, Plan B has been a life saver for me. Lonely but a life saver literally.

I will never ever live for another person again. I am strong, I will survive on my own. Just keep saying that to yourself. That is what I do in a moment of weakness. Or if I feel like calling him, I post, post post on this board even if no one answers. Good luck and keep your chin up.

NY

NY, good for you. You set a good model for me. I need to be strong too.

[ or have him spend time with them at home,

I thought contact with the house was a no, no?

My H is in phone contact with many woman he calls his "friends".

He admitted to having an EA and falling in love with one girl and says she "opened his eyes", but says it's over. My opinion is he was dumped.

NY, I too was almost admitted to a hospital by my mother and sister. Thank God the anti-D's kicked in. Emotionally I am doing better on them, I feel that I got my backbone back (which is probably how I ended up punching him)

Not to chuckle about it, but picture this.

My H is 6'4" - 220lbs

I am 5'3" - 96 lbs

And my H told the cops "she hurt me".

Sorry, but I could see the cop holding in his smerk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

M

That made me chuckle. It just goes to show you what a little anger can do, it can go a long way. Esp. with affairs of the heart. I let my WH come here on Wed. to visit our S, but I leave the house and let my mom do the switching with WH. Now he isn't allowed to use the house either though. I feel like he was still getting his fix by coming here. He was reading my stuff and eating my food, trying to fix things and stuff like that. I want him to know what it is going to be like when we D, and he has no home at all to come to once a week. So I am in the full Plan B now. I am not even talking to his parents because they stabbed me in the back. I thought they were going to help me with this, turns out blood is thicker than water as they say.

Too bad for their grandchildren right? It is a difficult journey, and sometimes I think it is like when I quit smoking. I have come so far now that I would never go back to that. I don't even think I want him back most days, then other days I do. Mostly I don't, I never realized how ugly he made my days when he was here, until he was gone. The lack of affection and the lack of love. I have been alone for 7 years and I never even knew it. Having sex once a week doesn't meet all the EN in a marriage, esp. the wham bam thank you maam kind like he was giving.

I am thinking that there are better fish, with nicer scales out there somewhere. But I have a long way to go with the pain before I go fishing.

Keep plugging away and do your best.

NY

NY, you seem to be so much stronger than I.

Everytime I think about dating I want to barf?

M, How is your 2nd day? Hope you do well.

Thanks for asking.

2nd day....Too much thinking going on in my head.

Wondering what he's thinking, IS THIS BOTHERING HIM?

I am weighing my options.

1 he gave me was that we live together in the house, finances stay the same, lead seperate lives.

I don't understand how that'll work.

M

If you have read all the stuff on this site, that option would be called having your cake and eating it too. It sounds glorious, but do you really want your husband living with you and sleeping with someone else everynight. NO! And do you want your kids to think this is how a marriage should be conducted? NO!

I did this for six weeks in Plan A, it was hell. I would never ever have three people in my marriage again. It is 2 or none. I hate thinking about dating also. I have been married since I was 19. But, I am just so lonely, I have no single friends and I bug them all. They can't even stand to hear my H's name anymore. Neither can my family. So I started IC, so I can talk my head off about him.

Keep your chin up. Try to have fun with your kids. That is about all I can say. It will get harder, and then better. It will go back and forth for months on end. Plan B takes a strong person. If your not strong enough you will end up like Lordslady. She is a wonderful person, but if you read her threads, she was not strong enough for Plan B. She will even tell you that she regrets it now, because she is in so much pain herself. Call out to her and ask her, or read her threads. It is all or nothing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NY

NY,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been married since I was 19. But, I am just so lonely, I have no single friends and I bug them all. They can't even stand to hear my H's name anymore. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know, I'm NOT in Plan B (because I blew it) so am in some custom-modified plan. I just wanted to tell you it's good to know I'm not the only one out here who feels this way. I've been married since 19 also (to my WH).

I have only one single friend whom I work with, and we're completely opposite in what we like to do, so the only time I talk to anyone is at work. And they're sick to death of hearing about my WH and my M. They are biting their tongues for the most part and I think they'll have a party if I finally file for D someday.

I have posted so much on here I sometimes feel like I drive this forum nuts! It is lonely, because even though I'm not in Plan B, I rarely see my WH since he has his own place and if I do, it's only for a few minutes.

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by m01069:
<strong> Tonight my mom is picking up the kids and bringing them to her house where my H will spend some time with them but this can't be my permanent situation. I can't be relying on my mother like that, it's not fair.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not it is not permanent ... until he comes home and end his A and put NC ... or either one of you file for Dv and visitation could be revisited.

-rh-

Hey Redhat, where ya been? How ya been?

Well, I called my mom's house and said I would be there in 15 minutes. (I had emailed my H and asked him to leave prior to my arrival).

I got there and H was still there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He didn't even look up at me or say Hi and worst part is he has taken his wedding ring off <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

His hand looked so strange without it on, that crushed me.

I want to call him and ask one more time for us to go to counseling. The way I look at it is either we could make our M work that way, or maybe I too could come to the decision that it won't work.

Should I call him and word it that way?

Don't call him. You will come out looking needy. Stay in Plan B. That is what will help your marriage.

m01069,

You have said enough on plan B letter ... the only way you would break the plan B if H willing to work on M.

H will try to sabotage and look distraught and be a victim ... in a matter of fact you are the victim.

I am fine. I am on the market <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... no taker yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . However I have partners in crime to go out with. I will take it easy ... I remember "falling in love is easy but living with someone that kills your dream (happiness) is unbearable". Aside from knowing her inside out, even more than herself, I will make sure that I am capable to fillin her ENs and for her to learn to fillin mine.

-rh-