I am experiencing so much with not being in contact with my H. He is living on his own in apartment 10 minutes away and I can't stop thinking about him. I am in plan B, but it is so painful. I put myself in this plan after he called and said no to working on reconcilliation, (that he asked for and because I said no to after a week of me trying, unless he breaks it off with OW). He did this but then raged at me for MAKING him. I heard nothing but anger and accustions from him after that. In the last two phone calls he made to me over two weeks ago he was civil but stated he feels sorry for me that I have feelings for him. That cut to the quick. I feel I must stay away, but then all the confussion and fear tries to over take my decision, does anyone else have experience in this? Please give me some feed back.

It helps to know that others have went thru or are going through the same.

They want you one time and then the next day they do not. I think that is the giver and taker talking, as far as I have read.

My W/H will not answer the door or answer the phone this past two week period. I knew he would not. We just have to keep busy and think the most positive thoughts that we can. Be true to yourself, look for the small things in life that make us smile and treat others as we would have them treat us.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing with Plan B. I think what happens is they will get tired of the pressure of both and come to the correct frame of mind that we love and care for them unconditionally when they are willing to accept the responsibility of their actions they will be able to accept our feelings.

We are not monsters, only confused and hurt partners.

I know you will be strong in your beliesf, and if it is meant to be it will work out. If not you will become a stronger person, from the inner you.

What goes around comes around.

I wish you all of the luck.

It helps to know that others have went thru or are going through the same.

They want you one time and then the next day they do not. I think that is the giver and taker talking, as far as I have read.

My W/H will not answer the door or answer the phone this past two week period. I knew he would not. We just have to keep busy and think the most positive thoughts that we can. Be true to yourself, look for the small things in life that make us smile and treat others as we would have them treat us.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing with Plan B. I think what happens is they will get tired of the pressure of both and come to the correct frame of mind that we love and care for them unconditionally when they are willing to accept the responsibility of their actions they will be able to accept our feelings.

We are not monsters, only confused and hurt partners.

I know you will be strong in your beliesf, and if it is meant to be it will work out. If not you will become a stronger person, from the inner you.

What goes around comes around.

I wish you all of the luck.

I am in plan B also. I keep on wondering if I am doing the right thing. It does hurt. I guess this is all part of it. I know it is a daily struggle. There is someone here that feels the same way as you do. I will keep you in my prayers and encourage you whenver you need it. Hang in there.

BS 27
WS 26
OW 26
D 4
S 2
Plan B 8/12/04

I can tell you both from experience how painful Plan B is. I plan Bed. It wasn't stellar always but it was sucessful. My H has since told me how painful it was not seeing me or talking to me. How painful it was not to hear my voice when he called. Whatever you do, don't give up. The most important thing for you to remember is even if you don't reconcile, plan b is for you. After about 4 weeks of withdrawals from my H I started to change so much. Now I could take him or leave him. You will grow so greatly inside on your own. You will get to know yourselves, and you will learn to love yourself so much that even if your H's never come back you won't care. That is what Plan B is all about YOU! Plan b is actually a withdrawal for you from the WS, the WS from you and to show you how if you reconcile and your WS's go through withdrawals from their lover's how hard it will be for them. During our recovery and his withdrawals I kept remembering how hard it was for me to not see him or talk to him during my plan B. Whatever you do, stay dark. Everytime you blow B, you start back at zero. I know it is easier said than done. Exercise, meditate, volunteer, get IC, cry....do whatever you have to do to find the real you in their. Prayers and lots of luck.

HINY

Hi everyone....yes Plan B is very hard, i miss WH so much.

Has anyone ever thought this about Plan B.

This would be from WH viewpoint of course.

..........OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND..........

Harley does mention that in his concept of Plan B here on this site.

Hopeful....i noticed from your sig. line you were in Plan B for 4 months, is that correct?

I've just been in Plan B 3 weeks now.

Suzcares......letting you know your not alone,this Plan B is hard.

Hopeful.....your post made me feel good. I cant wait to reach that point where it doesnt hurt as bad and I dont care if he comes back or not.

I really want this Plan B to make a better me. I am still hurting and dont feel up to it yet though.

Tell me more about how your first weeks were in Plan B in regards to yourself. I find the time is going so slow and i am counting each Plan B day.

I have been invited out this Saturday for 2 separate invites. Dont know if i will attend though. I still find that I am in the down in dumps mode. I tend to talk to everyone I meet and tell them my woes. How pathetic eh!

Anyway, lets all try to keep a stiff upper lip.

take care all
A/C0810

Hi!

First let me say you have made the right decision by doing Plan B even if it doesn't feel like it right now. I did do a plan B for 3 months. It hurt so bad for the first 3 weeks, I thought I was going to die. Honestly! It really does get better. People would tell me that when I first started and I didn't believe them.

By the end of the first month I found a whole new me. By the time OW dumped H and he wanted to come home, I wasn't even sure I wanted him by then and sometimes I am still not. Your grow so much by yourself, and you find a life of your own. You learn to love yourself, your co-dependency goes away. I turn heads now, and I am confident and proud of myself for the way I handled my H's A. Time heals all wounds. It will get better for you. There will come a time when you will know you are done if he doesn't come to his senses. You are in my prayers. Remember stay dark or it starts all over again.

HUGS>

HINY

thanks hopeful......i just pray that i end up feeling that way, cause i sure cant go on feeling like this.

Was your H emailing or calling you during Plan B, or did he respect your wishes not to see or hear from him.

thanks
A/C0810

Hi Suz and C and HinNY..

I also am in Plan B. WH just lied to me one too many times.

He "broke up" with OW. And then he treated me like dirt afterwards. At one point he said that we were through. Then, his attitude changed. I KNEW he was in contact with OW again. Did some investigating, and found he had not given OW her special "adultery cell phones" back.

I really watched him for a week or so. Did more investigating... found OW had contacted him at least 3 times - I even intercepted and erased a message she sent him.

More investigating... found that one of the "adultery phones" was missing. I called it one morning, and guess who answered it? WH!!!!

Plan B that very day.

WH has left messages, voice mails, etc. telling me how much he loves me and misses me. But he still has not complied with the Plan B letter.

It is very hard at first in Plan B. I want WH to pursue me, but really, that's just my heart talking to me.

The rollercoaster ride flattens out. You really do feel better without having all the A crap "in your face".

My SIL told me to rearrange the furniture. I did. I cleaned, organized, and got rid of some junk. A whole NEW perspective.

Sometimes I feel that if WH did come back, I might not want him anymore. I guess that's just the low balance now in my WH's Love Bank account.

Everytime he lied to me, I cared less and less. . . he's really lied a LOT!!!!

Protect yourself, protect your feelings. Be strong. Remember this...

FRIENDSHIP PRAYER
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the one who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch. AMEN

Hang in there. Dark. Midnight. No moon.

Post here. Remember, we're all in this together.. and you've gotten some really good advice already.

Dark. Midnight. No moon. Chin up! K

K7,

That was a really great prayer......I LMAO!

AC,

Do exactly as she said, clean your house, organize it, paint, change it your way, make it yours. My H only called me twice the whole Plan B, and I did talk to him. Quickly and only about S. He went to my moms to pick him up and he would look all over for me, just to get a glimpse. He has told me that it was really hard being away from me and not even getting to see me. After him coming home and us being in recovery, I honestly have no idea what got into him to make him do some of the stuff he did. All I can say is that the aliens really do suck their brains out. You will feel better! Work on you, and then you will be like me, I love me! It sounds sickening, but I do and I can't help it! I love being alone, I am never bored. I can always find things to do to help me. I wasn't big on going out either. I tried a couple of times and it didn't work out for me. I just hung out with some close friends who helped me through it, and posted like crazy here on MB. In my prayers,

HINY

hi hopeful.....thanks for your replys.

I too am not one for going out much. I like to go shopping at the mall or Walmart, visit close friends, talk on the phone, but thats it.

Usually when i am doing those things, i cant wait to get home.

I think i am going get myself into major cleaning mode, my house has been neglected from this catastropy.

Question about Plan B?

My WH still has personal items here that he will eventually be wanting to come and get.

Actually i beleive it will be any day now, since they have set up in an apartment together.

My question is? Do I say thats fine, let me know when you are coming and I wont be here.

If he happens to come by without letting me know first, do i just go into my bedroom and close the door and wait till he leaves.

I do not want to see him at all.

He would probably be here an hour tops.

Thanks for helping me.

A/C0810

AC

Plan B starts all over if you go in the light. Try to get a message to him with a go between that he needs to tell the go between when he is coming so you can not be there when he comes. Do not be there whatever you do. I already did that, it just gives him the little taste of you that he needs to go on for another month. Try not to see him at all if you can help it.

HINY