anniem,<P>I'm sorry that you are in this situation, but hope you find support. I saw your replies on two other OC posts and thought you deserve your own.<P>Basically, you asked how to deal with seeing the XOW for visitation of OC, right? A third party is a GREAT idea!! A neutral third party, a trusted friend or relative (aunt, grandparent?), would be wonderful in my opinion and should be worked into the official visitation agreement if possible. If not, try you and H picking Ochild up TOGETHER, or having her drop off child at your home. It emphasises to everyone involved that you and H ARE in this together. Keep acting that way, never made decisions about OC without mutual agreement, and eventually it will be true whether you feel it now or not. I think it is very important to present a united front to the XOW, and that you and H did the right thing to refuse visitation rather than cave in to her blackmail, even if it meant the 5 months of not seeing OC. This sets the precedent for the next 18 years, so boundaries are important! You are making a healthy space for your marriage and even setting a good example to OC and any children you may have.<P>I recently decided I don't have to wish bad things upon the XOW (not because I have forgiven her--I haven't), but because she has already created a Hell for herself right here in her own life. Probably her worst punishment is the mess she has to live with. I don't know if that helps you any, but "not getting up with fleas" is good! You want to keep your dignity and not do anything you will regret or lower yourself to her dysfunctional level.<BR> <BR>Blessings to you, your marriage/family, and OC,<BR>Jenny<P>
