I will welcome any advice anyone can give me on how to deal with my ex-husband/fiance.<P>It's my first marriage, his second. When we married, he had been divorced for almost 7 years. He has three kids with his ex-wife, ages 18, 15, and 12. We married after only 6 months, stayed married only 8 months (!), then he asked me for a divorce and I moved out into an apartment. The next day, he's over at my apartment, crying, begging to get back together. Of course, I took him back. I didn't want the divorce to begin with. I felt like it was a snap decision on his part. We have been together (aside from about 20 breakups and reconciliations) for two years since then. I am very resentful because he promised to stop the divorce, right down to the day it was final, but didn't. Now he won't marry me again. He has two excuses: his kids don't like me, and we fight a lot. <P>Well, one reason why the kids don't like me is because their mother doesn't. She has been actively trying to get him back ever since they got their divorce, even though she has been married to someone else since 3 months after the divorce. She has been known to fabricate stories to tell the women that have been in his life to make them think she and he are still going to reconcile. She told me right before I married "Ralph" that they had been having an affair. I, not having any evidence other than her word - and I don't trust her - told her that I wasn't going anywhere. Then she told the kids that if it wasn't for me that she and their dad could get back together. Now the kids hate me, and the only time they're nice to me is if they need me to do something for them. Otherwise, they are hateful and disrespectful. He has always spent time with the kids when I'm not around. I'm not invited and not welcome. I feel that this keeps this situation going. They are not expected to accept me as part of the family! He takes a vacation every year with them and his mother and I am never invited to go! It hurts me very much and I've told him so, but he just says that that's the way it's always been, and I shouldn't ask him not to spend time with his kids. I'M NOT ASKING HIM NOT TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM! The rest of his family hates me too. His ex-wife is best friends with his brother's wife, and they told his mother a pack of lies that I don't like the kids and I'm mean to them, etc. THAT'S NOT TRUE! I've taken them shopping, I've helped them with term papers, I cook for them and clean up after them and try my best to be nice no matter what! I feel so excluded from everything. It's gotten to the point where I'm never invited to any family functions and I'm not invited when he goes somewhere with the kids. He sees his ex-wife all the time and I've caught him lying about how often. He says the woman repulses him, but I'm beginning to wonder. Valentine's Day, she left a message on our answering machine that said, "Just wanted to let you know that you'll always be my one true Valentine!" Ruined my whole evening! The worst part is, he refuses to see why all of this upsets me, and when we fight, he makes remarks that make me believe he thinks it's my fault I can't get along with his kids! It hurts so much! I have been fighting with him for two weeks over something having to do with all this (long story), and right now he is refusing to tell me he loves me or show me any affection because he is "too hurt". And I'm NOT?! I need some help with this. I'm at the end of my rope. I have been hospitalized with depression over these issues twice already, and the second time he wouldn't even come see me because he was "mad"! I love him, but I can't get through to him and make him see how brutal he is! HELP!!!

Sorry to say the only advice I can give on how to deal with your ex-husband/fiance/boyfriend is don't. <P>If I understand your post, you are already divorced. Frankly, from your description of how practically everyone involved is treating you, you are better off without any of them. <P>You seem to be living together. Move out and get on with your life with somebody else. If your XH/F/BF wanted to be married to you, he wouldn't have divorced you, and he wouldn't be going off on vacation without you. <P>Sorry, but it sounds like you are the only one who doesn't yet realize it is over.

RS,<P>Thanks for your advice. I'm getting to the point where I realize that I will have to leave. I've already left, several times. But when I do, he always begs and pleads with me and promises anything until I come back. I love him, so I want to believe him. We talked last night, and I told him that I will give him one more chance. That's it. We are trying to use Dr. Harley's program to see if we can make it work. We do love each other on some level. We talked about emotional needs last night, and he said that I meet all of his needs except family commitment (I can't have a relationship with his kids). I told him I was willing to try to meet that need, but first he would have to meet my need for honesty and openness and make me a part of the family! I can't value something that I'm not a part of! He seems to have been unaware that he wasn't meeting my needs. He thinks that because he pays for trips and jewelry and the extra things I get, he is meeting my needs. He didn't know he wasn't giving me enough of the things I need (affection, conversation, recreational companionship, etc.), and he didn't realize that he wasn't being honest with me, or so he says. I know it sounds really bad, but when we are getting along, he is the most loving man I have ever known. And in many ways, he has been good to me. He just doesn't have a clue how to make me happy, and I think he was amazed at how simple my needs really are! I appreciate your advice, and I won't say that I haven't heard the same thing from others. I just can't leave again until I know that I can't be persuaded to come back. I won't leave until I know there is no love left.

I just can't leave again until I know that I can't be persuaded to come back. I won't leave until I know there is no love left. [/B][/QUOTE]<P>Persuasion is completely different from love. I agree w/RSO522. Get away from them. Love doesn't do the things that are being done to you.<P>