My boyfriend's job takes him away for week at a time and its causing even more problems between us. I am looking for a commitmen and sometimes I feel he's looking to be free. <p>He thinks me wanting to call him to see if he's okay is checking up on him and he can't understand why it annoys me when he doesn't return my calls or put in any for that matter. I think he feels since we are not married he doesn't have to answer to me.<p>I'm really upset with our situation especially since I only see him weekends. He lives in another state. What should I do?<p>Help.

Open your arms and let him free.<br>If he returns, he was always yours.<br>*****<p>

I didn't even have to open my arms. Like a bird he has flown from my life without a reasonable explanation. Only that his job and career must be his priority now. He's assured me that he loves me and is hurting over this. I don't see where the two mix. I am taking this very badly.

He's actually doing you a favor. He's not ready for committment. You would be miserable (extremely lonely) hanging on to someone who places their career before you. Take a look at the Resolving Conflict section and you'll see posts from people that are miserable because they married someone who is "married to a career".<p>Be glad you didn't marry him. My soon-to-be ex-husband left me and moved to another state. He used the same wording as your guy. <p>However, it gets even better. He says he misses me and wants me to move there. In his illustrious plan we will make separate decisions and handle finances separately -sounds like room mates to me. <p>If I sound bitter, it's because I feel he should have been honest up front -he wasn't ready for committment.<p>

In response to your response, it is as lonely being with someone who's "married" to his kids-from-a-previous marriage as it is being with someone who's "married" to his career! Kids (and careers) are important, but the marriage/relationship has to be the top priority for it to thrive and survive, doesn't it? This guy did do you a favor in the long wrong and saved you heartache down the line, but oh, doesn't love hurt???

Querida,<br>The pain you feel now, is proof that your heart is in the right place. <br>I just read an interesting book called "In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant. You're in what she calls "the meantime." <br>It can be a good time, if used wisely to look within yourself and ask yourself what you really want and expect of a relationship - so you don't find yourself in the same place again.<p>Step, <br>perhaps you too should ask yourself what you really want in a relationship. What you need. <p>Sounds like your boyfriend has some issues of his own to deal with - you mention guilt. Maybe you could help him look at that. But you can't help someone who doesn't know he needs help.<p>As far as his daughters are concerned, kids don't play by grown-up rules. And you can't (and shouldn't)play by theirs. No parent believes that his/her children are spoilt. So don't even go there. The hard truth: If he had to choose between you and them, you know who he'd choose.<p>